I was angry yesterday, as my boss called me.
He was asking to see if something was broken on a production system. In my line of current work, this means all hands on deck are looking at you, and you need to create a fix as soon as possible.
It goes without saying you are a ball of stress, especially if you have no idea that something has gone wrong – especially if its your day off, especially if you didn’t get much sleep, and especially if its a problem that was solved by you in the past.
It turned out to be a tempest in a teapot, for the most part. My boss looked at an old text message and assuming the worst, calling the vendor, calling other people, and calling me because he was sure there was a mistake.
I wonder if he really thought there was a mistake and that is how he handles everything, or was he just looking for trouble with me, swore he found it, and went to DEFCON 4 because he was sure that it was an issue.
Either way it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was angry, and still am because of the assumption. I feel like if someone is looking for trouble constantly, they are going to find it, whether it exists or not.
Gossip wins again – more on that at another time.
Another late day.
I am curious to find out what it is at this point. I wonder if it is just a lack of commitment to the life I chose, or am I just forcing my body to get more sleep based on my new habits. Either way, I have to figure this out, and do it soon.
Its one of the last stressful things in my life right now, and if I can figure it out, the guilt of doing this on a daily basis can be let go, and I can take this energy and place in on other things. I can become better with my skills as a professional, and my self discipline can improve.
That is what I want, iron self discipline. It is the one thing I have run away from, even as a kid.
I was always a rebel, and mostly I had no cause.I have come to the realization that as much of a problem some friends, coworkers, and people are, I could make things better by simply having the self discipline of a master.
How do I get that? I don’t know. I have been doing small things, such as trying this 16/8 diet, writing 3 things I care about, and typing in this blog everyday. I think those things have helped. I seem to have a little more focus at work, I retain more information, and I am making sharper writing decisions.
I understand it is a process, but I do want it to go a little faster.
I think I have to be more appreciative of the small things though. a month ago, my shirts weren’t fitting as nicely, and I was a lot more tired all the time. Regiment and process has helped me lose a bunch without even really doing anything, or making any significant changes.
Who knows where this will be by the end of the summer, once these habits are locked in and another set have been added on, making my mornings and nights full of undaunted productivity.
At the end of the month, I will be ready to add a new set. I will be trying 3 in the morning, and 2 at night. Ill see where it gets me. Hopefully I can eliminate the late thing too.
Self discipline seems to be the way out.
16/8 not done – 15/9
Water not done
reminder done
todo done
3 things done
From the desk of Adam Thomas 