Just Pull the Trigger

Just pull the trigger.

Just pull the trigger.

No one is going to care, just pull the trigger.

These are words jumping up and down in my acting class as I play the repetition game. It is my struggle, anytime I am in front of people, to trust that voice inside of me that wants honesty. I dismiss it, because it I’ve been taught to tamp it down, be polite, be prompt, and think about what you say. But that is the exact opposite of how great art exists. You can’t unring that bell, and that is what makes it powerful. Knowing that, you better make sure you rang that bell with conviction.

I often feel the same with my projects. All my projects, my day job(mainframes), my night job(comedy), my side gig(business development) and anything else. It is very easy to over think, and avoid shooting. Anything that comes up is a valid excuse not to execute.

What about last time?

What will people think?

What will happen that will ruin everything?

Everything – I think of everything before i make a leap into anything. Even something as small as repeating something that someone has said to me in a controlled classroom.

This used is a place of fear for me. The rocky ledge where we put our foot down is often scary. Especially since most of us, those of us who are choosing to traverse interesting territory, often find it unmapped. But maybe it isn’t something to fear. Maybe its something to relish. Everyone must feel it, and maybe that means I am getting to something real. Something authentic. If I have to tamp down my voice that means it is there right?

It is better to think who,when,and how internally and nail those down instead of thinking of the what and why externally. If I tie myself to those three things, pulling the trigger becomes a lot easier.