Avoiding What I “Deserve”

I keep a list of words to not use

There are a few words and phrases I am not fond of. I don’t like them because I find that the act of using them changes my mindset, allowing me excuses instead of investigation. I’ve struggled with this internal fight, dealing with words that stir my ego into protecting itself.

I try to understand these words and make an effort not to use them by putting them on a mental list (one I should admittedly write down) while I use the blog to work out why I don’t use them.Lately, I have thought about the word “deserve,” and how it feeds my ego  and keeps me blind to possibility.

I deserve…

• Ego – When I say the word “deserve,” I turn whatever conversation we are having into a conversation about me. I turn the discussion into a projection into what I want and instead of compromise, this now turns into a war*. Instead of a listening mindset, I am now working with a wanting mindset.  
• Blind – The wanting mindset gets me focused on one thing, “what I deserve.” I turn off my awareness and now I “lock in,” thinking about things that are completely abstract, such as what I’ve “earned” and missing out on what is in front of me. 

Excuse words get you no where

I realize that “deserve” is an “excuse word,” or rhetorical device I’ve made to get out of dealing with the real underlying issues I have at the time. They keep me in the “yes” space, a place where I live on unintentional scarcity. Scarcity puts me in the mindset of taking what I see instead of learning what I need. 

*In my experience this is not the same as boundary setting. When I say deserve in a conversation I have already missed the boat with establishing what I need. I more than likely went into that conversation unprepared and scrambling for something