Write Down Those Problems, And Why – Stat

I hold grudges

I don’t mean to, but I do.

Every time I get slighted, a small part of my memory holds on to it even though I tell myself it isn’t a big deal.

Then it builds.

Then I blow up at a family member for forgetting pickles on my burger.

One of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the last few years is that I am flawed. I hold on to things. I make lists in my head, and they won’t go away until resolved.

It is only in those last few years have I found a way that seems to help me keep perspective.

A problem list.

On that list, I’ll write (yes, physically write – this is important), what bothered me and do five whys to get to the bottom of the real why (this often leads to me realizing the pain wasn’t from them, but that is another post).

Next, I’ll write a proposed solution. This is something that I can do to rectify this (also necessary), and then my intention to talk to them the next time I see them, or, if it is that pressing, set up a phone call or coffee to sit down and discuss..

I find when I do this (and I don’t nearly do it enough), it stops me from holding a grudge. I move from emotionally charged narrative to problem-solving.

Funny, the problem list helps me stay away from a grudge list.