Throw away the pressure to get it right.
Toss it.
Whatever you have in your head, whatever that idea is, take out a sheet of paper and draw it out.
Most of what stops us from taking something on is our inability to start. A two minute sketch gets rid of that. Is it ugly, yes, but does it start to solidify you idea?
1000%.
The edge, in this case, is the “figuring,” trying to understand if it is worth it. We need to respect the edge. Our initial “ugh” when approaching the edge isn’t wrong because it is abrupt. Dance there for a while.
But.
You gotta jump or walk away. Sorry, with all due respect to the eighties, the edge isn’t where you want to live.
Jump in, the water is warm.
Walk away and fight another day.
Choose.
I’ve written a lot about anger, so I wanted to give a few more examples of faux-certainty.
Different substances will give you false certainty. A couple of drinks in and you KNOW what needs to be done.
Friends and family are faux-certainty. They will tell you what they KNOW you need to do.
Bad intel/mental models are faux-certainty. If I think the map is the territory I KNOW that X marks the spot.
And you have to accept that we are all human.
It isn’t being the “bigger person,” at least, I don’t think so. Your team is generally forced to accept your mistakes. For the most part, they have no recourse to correct, or even bring up, the last thing you did to spite them. (Retros help, by the way).
With that in mind, when someone on your team is wrong-headed, be patient if you can. Be human. Discuss the issue. Probe for their frustration, and sometimes, when you do it a little too well, expect blowback.
When you realize you both can be human in that situation, your bond can grow, even when it can feel like a bomb went off.
Prepare for the suck when it happens, though – and avoid that instinct to “control.” Creativity comes from the messy middle, not faux-certainty.
Anger is certainty. Well, it isn’t, but it sure does feel like it.
Out of all of the emotions we have, we damn sure know when we are mad. There is a rush to it.
You can take action.
Be vindictive. Get it off your chest. Vent. Take it out on the people around you. All of this is motion, all of this is “blowing off steam.”
All of this doesn’t move the needle, either. In fact, it can push it all the way back to zero. For the promise of certainty, emotionally, you’ve caused collateral damage.
When we are at our best, our anger is a catalyst for internal discovery, not external rage.
If you can, get out without saying much. Take a moment and review after a nights sleep.
The answers aren’t going to be clear, and maybe thats the point.
Train this muscle.
May no path be sacred – I’ve gotten plenty of lumps in my throat just wondering “why.” What is that about? If you can’t question it, it’s sacred. With politics in the US ramping up, I am already seeing people say you can’t question records or statements. This is hard.
AI makes people lose their fucking minds – I’ve noticed a competitor say they use A.I and people lose rational thought. There is a number of loaded terms in tech that lose all meaning when you know how the sausage is made. This is a huge shell game and we are in it. (note: this includes crypto, VR, and any host of “buzz” words)
Any investigation of me has to start – With the idea that I don’t have a high opinion of myself. My depression is a constant battle, and even when things are going “well” I have to check myself. This week I hit a low energy skid.
Boogie’s “Everything’s For Sale” – Is on repeat. Songs like “Tired/Reflections,” “Skydive II,” and “Rainy Days ( MINUS Eminem)really speak to me. Maybe tied in with the stray thought above, but I hear this project differently now then last week.
Verbal Ticks – I say “little” too much as a qualifier to my statements – I.E (“I am going to do this little project”). This is dumb, I need to stop.
Maybe I was wrong and that’s ok.
One thing I am trying to train myself on is admitting wrong doing. This is harder that you think.
Think about the pressure that surrounds “rightness.” For years in school, we were given “A’s” for showing up and having the right answer, and it didn’t matter if you:
The only thing that mattered was the answer on the paper, and if it checked out with the big rubric in the teachers desk or mind.
So, it’s hard.
But, as people living in the real world we have to try, because there is so much more to explore once you give up “pure rightness.”
How long are you going to wait?
The expectations aren’t as high as you think they are, and 70% of the work is going to propel your forward.
Remember getting a zero on an assignment? In school, you got a zero by not showing up, not turning in the work.
Waiting = zero.
As leaders, your word doesn’t just represent you anymore; you represent the consensus.
Your words are edicts, not statements of fact.
Ignore this at your peril, because although you said what you “needed to say” the psychological safety of your group just took a hit.
Words matter. As Marshall Goldsmith talks about in his wonderful book – “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful,” do you need to say it? Is it worth it? Because everything you do is being watched.
Why do we pretend that we have certainty?
There is always the unknown. We can barely control our bodies, much less the world around us.
To speak with certainty is to talk with a wink to the truth, an omission designed to appease the world around us.
The circle is never closed.
