I started this month in one direction: “no” is a word primarily used for power dynamics.
I thought of “no” just as a way to bend one’s will.
What I realized, however, is that “no” is a word is not just a word of power. “No,” is a way to explore ourselves and the community around us.
“No” has just as much worth as a word of discovery.
“No” leads to external discovery.
Putting our ideas into the world is dangerous to our ego because we hear the word “no.” Ideas are our babies in a sense, and because of that, sometimes we hide the idea from our community.
Except in most circumstances, our community wants us to succeed, and the only danger that could happen by putting an idea out there is hearing the word “no.”
This starts a conversation and creates pushback, a good thing. This conversation causes awareness and through that, possible alignment*. When we make those around us aware, we create a connection.
We, as human beings, crave connection. Without a connection to something, most of us can’t work at our best.
“No” leads to internal discovery:
As much as we think we always act in our best interests, we don’tIn deciding to say “yes” to ourselves all the time, we will sometimes cut off our nose to spite our face.
We have the last word when it comes to the decisions we make.The outside world is powerful in its own right, but it is worth the time to train the “kill switch.” In this case, the “kill switch” is the word “no.”
If we don’t, it leads us to some behavior that wastes energy to get “satisfaction.” These behaviors have consequences, the most important one being that they waste your time. No one keeps score.
This doesn’t mean become a robot. Our emotions matter, and are an important guide to understanding ourselves. They aren’t the end of the line. Emotions can take control,but we always have the “kill switch.” There is always a better decision, and “no” helps us get there.
*I say possible alignment because alignment isn’t the end goal, you shouldn’t always listen to the crowd.
But after I get over that, I recognize that I decided.
I decided to give more time back to the projects I feel are important.
I decided to spend more time with myself.
I decided to enjoy the company of friends.
All three of those things aren’t shameful, and yet, when we use the word “no” we end up feeling that way.
I know that boundaries are important, attention improves your ability to appreciate, and decision-making is the difference between designing your life and letting your life design you.
“No” is a word that helps you do all three of those things. It’s why I want to explore “no”, how it works, how I feel when I use it, and tactics that help me say it more.
This month’s theme ties into abstinence
At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic) for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.
To say no is to abstain. I find myself over-committing, and I realize that I can’t make the most of the opportunity I am given. This affects everything in my life, so I recognize that if I get better at saying no, then I get better at giving value to the world around me.
The site got tremendously slow. It was getting difficult to update. I appreciate speed when it comes to “surfing the web.” So, I decided to strip everything down to its basic form today. I removed all the plug-ins, and voilà, the site got fast once again. It was a great introduction to this months theme, intentional scarcity, or the idea that I am creating constraints to improve. I ran across this idea when I read the book Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So Much, (on the reread list this month) and have used it in an ad-hoc fashion to improve certain aspects of my life. This month I want to take advantage of the 29 days (leap year!) and try to see, with focus, how I use intentional scarcity to make things better in a systemic way.
This month’s theme ties into abstinence
At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking 5 themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic) for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.
Intentional scarcity ties into abstinence because I am abstaining from the thrills and frills that most people assume they need. It forces me to say ‘no’ to comfort and ultimately, make me more productive.
Reread candidate
Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So Much by Sendhil Mullainathan & Eldar Shafir – This is a textbook for intentional scarcity, as it provides both research and case studies on why it works.
What questions will I ask this month when it comes to Intentional Scarcity. I think it’s important to think about the month’s theme, and the best weapon to generate thought comes from questions.
Why do I need this?
How does it work without it?
What made me think I needed this in the first place?
Is it because someone else said I needed to do it? Why do they think that?
Subthemes
What are some of the subjects that come to mind when it comes to Intentional Scarcity that need some extra leg work.
Bare bones – How do things work at the root of it?
Pavlok – I bought a Pavlok device. How does this factor into my intentional scarcity?
Free time – I have a lot of free time. I default to abundance, how it this going to work?
As we walk into a new calendar year, I want to take the time to lay out what went well, what happened unexpectedly, and what went wrong. Each of these things have a lesson in them, especially the failures, and documenting them helps not only me, but anyone who reads them know that there are lessons in anything.
The end of December is a great time to deal with clean slate thinking (since everyone else is) and work out what didn’t go well and what did go well over the last year. It was both exhilarating and painful to write this, but so is anything else that’s good.
What happened in 2015
I spent the last few days sitting over and thinking about the goals I set in 2015, and what they mean for me. Usually when I do this, I try to pull a bunch of notebooks out and crawl over the notes, hoping to find some nugget of wisdom to move into the next year, but having this blog, and forcing myself to go through that process every month, made me sharper in dealing with whats important and knowing what to write.
So, my process got better. But what did I do that got better over the last year?
Expected
I expected to get more confident – I wasn’t confident. Over the last few years, I saw my confidence erode due to problems at work, an expanding waistline, and, dealing with some of the darker sides of comedy. So, I made a point to get confident again. It started with reading, then doing. Tools like online workshops meshed with networking events. Building my contact list and providing value to the people on it gave me more juice. By the end of 2015, I am starting to feel like the old me again, and I love it since my plans for 2016 involve me making a few scary leaps.
Better read – I worked myself into a good reader. I started the year as an “ok” reader, taking time to read when I could, but by the end of the year I got back to enjoying books. It’s become a bit of an addiction. The benefits are tremendous. 100 books later I feel like a better reader and a writer. I read so much I learned I had to change my strategy though, but more on that later.
Connecting more with family/friends – It felt like I didn’t talk to anyone in 2014, but now my relationships are in a great place. It started strangely, automating my texts to friends and family (sounds cold but it worked by forcing me into a conversation) and then eventually spending more time.I made sure the time meant more too with no cell phone, no computer, no books. I put my attention on them.
Clutter – I started this year with a ton of stuff. Now I don’t have that stuff anymore. It’s nice to walk in my apartment and have room to move and nothing to clean up. I feel like my mind freed up.
Physical Appearance – It’s always interesting to see how things morph. At first I thought of ways to exercise, but I found out about coaching in February and took a chance. She walked me through and taught me a ton over the 6 weeks we worked together, and now I am the sharpest guy in the room most days. That gave me the confidence to lose weight (down 30 pounds this year) and work on the other parts of my appearance (Sharp haircut, shoes, etc)
Unexpected
The video blog – I never thought about doing video until this year. I hated recording. Now, I am glad its out there. Its been a way for me to try to understand how I come across, and work to get better in a medium that is just getting more and more widespread.
This blog – Speaking of the blog, I knew I was going to write more in 2015, but to look at this now and see that I’ve done over 300 posts in a year amazes me. I’ve become a better writer, better at getting my ideas out, and better at delivering content. I can’t wait to see what lessons writing for over 350 will do for me next year. Better content begets better content.
Being a Godfather – I am the godfather to a wonderful baby girl(Hi Skyler). Very important to me and a cherished honor, especially since my life was headed for calamity at the time of her birth.
Jury Duty – After having a period of crisis earlier in the year(A lot of flux and starting a bunch of scary experiments that turned into the wins above) I received a jury summons. It was the last thing I wanted. What I thought would be just an interesting experience to check out the courthouse for a day turned into 4 months away from work. I got to do a lot of thinking and reading during this period,and it changed my life for the better. An experience I recommend for everyone.
Losses
Job – For all my personal wins, my job suffered. I concluded that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. My chance at delivering my best isn’t here, so 2016 is a year I venture into the new.
Submitting content – Where I was great at generating content, I was horrible at submitting it . I put out 1 guest post and ended up doing 1 writing packet. Number I won’t repeat in 2016.
Calendar – I didn’t give deference to my calendar. I learned how to deal with the tactics, but never invested in it emotionally.
Comedy – I didn’t do it nearly the amount I wanted to in 2015. There were pockets of working on it every day, and weeks where I didn’t see a stage.
Meditation – Like comedy, fits and spurts. The good news is, I could have said the same thing for the blog, and now its a pretty strong habit.
What will happen in 2016
The future is interesting because it isn’t set. If you would have told me that I would spend a quarter of my year in a courthouse last December I wouldn’t believe you. Life changes, and to try to plot it out in on big chunk isn’t the way to go.
So, its time to experiment, and go for something newer that gives me direction, while letting my mind roam. I am going for big themes and little milestones.
By doing it this way, I am going to learn a ton and make some mistakes, but the plan is to have my 2016 process get bigger. I spent 2015 looking at what was in front of me instead of the big picture planning that introduces huge reward.
Themes
Execution
My biggest failures are failures of execution. It’s also where I find the most opportunities. This year, some places I executed well (this blog) and some places I executed badly (brand expansion). One of the things I want to focus on in 2016 is how to expand on executing not just for myself, but for the community around me.
I read over 100 books. This was great, but only a first step. I never plan on reading 100 books again. My plan going forward, is to pick a great choice of books that I read through last year, and study them fully. I did this on accident with Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook: How to Tell Your Story in a Noisy Social World, but now I plan on doing it on purpose with several books I read this year. I will still take in a new book and read it, but I want to put my energy in the books that have the most to share, because often you don’t get everything out of it on the first read.
Around September this year I had a frightening observation. When I looked around me, I only saw what was in front, I never looked down the road. I rarely pursued my legacy.I am not going to repeat this mistake. Now its time to take a swing at big ideas, and I will keep up time to work on just that. Clean up time is over, now its time to bat for the win.
In Conclusion
This was a good year. I ended up fixing a lot of the problems I had. It led to huge development, not just in my self, but network and community.
I think the 5 themes for 2016 only help building those three things and in a year, I will be back here, revisiting how that worked, and how it makes me work. If you have any questions, please tweet me and lets discuss your goals and plans.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 