It would be weird if they knew.
Sometimes, walking into a room I feel like they know everything – everything bad. When they pause, there is a piece of me that thinks they know I put the wrong shoe on that morning, the competitor that had better material, all those times I woke up late and was the last person to walk into the meeting.
I think they know that sometimes I surf Reddit, that I find the TV show Maury interesting, that I haven’t read half of my library. They know that I just recently added to the way I dress, and they have pictures of me dressing poorly, the shoes that I used to have, and an ill-fitting belt.
They will find out that I curse sometimes. That I am comfortable around the meanest group of people (comedians), I can drink a lot and get obnoxious. They know that I can comfort eat with the best of them, I spend too much time playing video games, and I love to binge watch TV. That one time I didn’t wash my hands when I left the bathroom in my apartment.
In short, I feel like everyone else knows that I am an imposter. That everyone else doesn’t do these things, that I am not committed to the mission since I do. But, it would be weird if they knew – since they just met me.
After sitting in a coffee shop yesterday, I thought about this for some time. I realized that yes, I do those things, and I will do things in the future that aren’t perfect. I am not the guy (yet!!!) that has the perfect routine, gym at 5 AM, and asleep by 10 PM. I am not the best read guy in the world. But the biggest problem that I face comes from my lack of self-compassion. People aren’t out to exploit you when they first meet you (except confidence men, beware of confidence men).
So the key to remember going forward is – its weird if they know.
P.S – Now you know all this stuff about me :-(.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 