Hmmm
Art don’t grow if I
Run scared from myself wanting
needing spotlight now
Tag: art
Categories
Art Means Focus
Art isn’t easy
The sharpest art strikes the viewer.
It’s a slap in the face.
“DAMN!”
And then you sit, staring, wondering how a stranger can do that? How can they make you feel that way?
Creating something that penetrates consciousness requires sharp definition. One idea attacked like hell.
That’s hard. You have to tell people no, that word that you hear you can’t say yet.
Well, the bad news is if you wait for someone to tell you to say “No,”you’ll never make art.
The good news is you’ll be off the hook.
If you want to avoid trouble, don’t focus.
If you want the hell of standing out, get simple.
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Run With the Lions
Being forced in a lion’s den is a blessing.
Hear me out.
In Christian mythology, the most “devout” Christians in Rome would be offered as a sacrifice. They had a chance to escape the lions den if they converted. So, the trouble in which they found themselves made them consider their belief and mortality.
Nothing creates focus like stakes. They had skin in the game.
If one attempts creative work, chances are they are going to find themselves in this predicament. The “Romans” might throw you into the lions den for not converting.*
Even if it’s metaphorically the same, the stakes aren’t as high. The thing is our brain doesn’t know the difference. It still thinks we are headed to a lion’s mouth, al dente.
The thing is there are no lions other than our fears, and by not letting them eat us up, we still get the benefits of the focus on how we really feel.
*It might be worth your time to convert
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Bad Back, Mind Problem
I hurt my back at 21
When I was 21 a pallet jack snapped on me while I was working at Wal-Mart. One second I was loading a truck and the next… goodbye healthy back.
It’s serviceable now, but it gives me trouble when I work out. My lower back starts to ‘tweak.’ It feels like someone is putting icy hot on my back with none of the relief. The pain that originates there is a burning pain, and if I were to index it, it is a 6 out of 10. It isn’t extremely debilitating during the usual day-to-day, but the thought of pain is in the back of my mind from day-to-day.
You know that next summer I spent 8 – 12 hours a day moving furniture around?
The human body is amazing
I was in a bad place. I didn’t have a job for the summer, and my car died on me Memorial Day. All my plans died, but there was still an opportunity to get some money and have my lodging taken care of. I had to lift furniture for the school for 8 dollars an hour. I had to do it (or at least I thought so) because with everything else taken care of, it would get me enough money to buy a new car.
It was either that, or sit in my parents house doing nothing for 3 months. So, right after physical therapy, with this same back condition, I lugged heavy wooden dressers and bunk beds around my college during the summer.
I complain now about my back
But I moved old beds during the summer. I ended up learning a lot, gaining new friends, and eventually, getting that new car. I pushed myself. I miss that, because sometimes now when I work out, I retreat at the first sign of my back hurting.
The navy SEALS have a saying “when you want to give up you are only using 40% of your reserves.” Thinking back on it, I realize its true. The next time my back hurts, I will just remember that I moved dressers and keep plugging along.
Who knows what I’ll learn?
This post is a part of a series of posts based on my thoughts on “persistence.” This theme runs through March 2016 to merge my thinking. If you have any ideas or comments, please reach out to me on twitter @TheHonorableAT.
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Focus Decisions and Fear
Focus gets scary
Decision making is difficult, but when it happens, I’ve realized that I get better with focus. Putting my energy into something, especially with the “Do-Talk-Consume” principle, really digs deep. My life becomes engrossed in whatever discipline I choose. But, to pick that thing, I have to decide, and decisions come with a level of fear I don’t get when I decide to live with no boundaries.
Some of those fears.
- The What fear – What if I don’t do this right, what if I am not good enough, what if I don’t do enough, what if I fail publicly, etc.
- The Why fear – Why do I want this so bad, why is everyone doing this, why am I scared, why can’t this get easy, etc.
- The How fear – How do I do this, how do I work, how does any of this work, how much is this going to cost, how much time, etc.
- The Who fear – Who am I to do this, who chooses this, who will like this, who will get this, etc.
- The When fear – When will I be done, when will I win, when will I lose, when will this pay off, etc.
Eventually I realize
We can’t do everything for everybody. Time is the only resource we have, and the only way we get to make that time count is if we sit down and work through the above fears. Each one of the questions runs through our minds when we decide to give something focus because we start abstaining from “all that life has to offer.” There is an opportunity cost with everything – things we accept and things we don’t. The fear boils down to that. The greatest truth is, we only have time. We have to make decisions to make that time count.
Note: The bold questions are the biggest offenders to me.
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Art – My Fear Loop And Getting Out
[bctt tweet=”The great thing about understanding a loop is that once you know you are in one, stepping out is as simple as getting off the track. “]
Art scares me.
Art happens when someone tries to do something when they aren’t “supposed” to mixed with an attempt an honesty with a dash of “why” or “why not” instead of I can’t.
That definition sits heavy on my mind.
It has effected my comedy the most. Based on the definition above, and the thoughts above I don’t think most of my comedy is art. Making people laugh is good, but doing it from an honest place matters. It has sucked the joy out of something I once did every night.
It leaves me stuck. When I perform I reconnect for a second, and when it’s off, I am back off again. I used to fiend for the next show, now, saying no is easier than ever. I haven’t stopped completely, but I find myself at a place where I look for understanding.
Here are three thoughts that are cycling in my head.
- Getting out of my comfort zone is…not comfortable. I am in a rut, and subconsciously when I find myself getting out of it, I stop the follow through and surrender to the fear.
- Honesty is a tricky one because it easy on the extremes. Real “honest” honesty is uncomfortable. Far easier to tell white lies to keep people happy or just as easy be the “I’m just telling it like it is” person claiming “objectivity”. Both bother me because it’s just an excuse to avoid conflict. They also bother me because I do both. The “middle” is difficult because it takes empathy while being objective.
- The feeling of belonging, of being enough, and fitting in with just yourself or those around you has eluded me most of my life. In fact, when I am in places, I feel like an eternal outsider. It makes the other two things above easier to avoid.
Trying to do art is difficult.Those three things have caused me to question everything lately.
Self awareness hurts but it is the first step in moving forward.
That is part of the journey in trying to see. This post is link heavy because I find myself in traps often. By writing through them, I get a chance to see that stuck isn’t forever unless we let it.
[bctt tweet=”Art scares me.”]
The great thing about understanding a loop is that once you know you are in one, stepping out is as simple as getting off the track.
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Beauty and Art with life
It’s amazing when you can see the art of it all. That is all I could think sitting inside of my acting class last night. We were doing an exercise that involved concentration, and it drove people to tears, anger, and frustration. Through that process, everyone’s humanity was on display. There was art in front of us, and it all made sense.
There is magic to it. Life is beautiful through that lens. The beauty requires a lot of cutting. The beauty of that exercise is it happens in a sparse room. There is nothing around that makes you think. The best work seems to happen that way. The best art doesn’t happen with clutter, it only happens when you create signal, and it is strong enough to get to where it has to go. When you have nothing around you, it helps with that.
It made me think of what I was doing in my life. Where can I cut the noise? How I spend my time stood out to me.
While reading the Effective Executive – I realized how much time I waste doing things that don’t matter. “An effective executive knows where his time goes”. One of the first things I know I can do is to take a time audit. I’m scared at what I may find out, but if I just strip down to the essential, I open more room for my art to creep in. I am allowing the beautiful in my life.
For me, there is nothing better than watching something happen, created from nothing concrete, turn into something beautiful. Sometimes it is angry, sad, happy, or joyful but it is all beautiful. The great thing is it is all within us. We all have that power to display that in whatever we choose. To get there we have to use discretion.Our time is important and through that, we can get better with our art, whatever it is. Why else live life if you aren’t making beauty? It is this work – and it is a lot of work – that makes us stand out and be signals to others. That is when the fun begins.
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Start to Finish
Consistency is a goal to strive for when you make things, and I mean consistency in the entire process.
If I start things then build, then close, and then ship – I gain lessons that improve the world around me.
Stopping at one of those things can leave most of the lesson on the table, and while you may not have wasted all of your time, you certainly squandered much of it.
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Art and Inspiration
Art and competition are two different things.
One leverages itself for inspiration.
The other leverages the crowd.
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Look Forward
Its hard to think about the positives in life – we are wired to think about the negatives, react to those things, and just let the best of us pass us by.
It makes sense from a biological standpoint – for most of human history it was that quality that kept us alive. Who cares if I just hugged my son if someone or something was out to actively kill me.
The problem is, with art, is that negativity can destroy us. We confuse it with anger, when it is closer to bitterness. Instead of growing with our skills, pushing ourselves, we are worried about some slight that may have happened to us.
Being thankful helps, being mindful helps, being able to stop and focus helps, building art helps, talking to positive people helps, writing about being good helps, looking at your art helps, sleep helps, eating well helps, getting sun helps, therapy helps, calling someone once a week helps.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 