Tag: ask

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Practice Risk Reversal

Take a moment to think about someone else

Our “ask” become much more powerful when we take the time to reverse the risk from the person we ask back to ourselves.

To do this effectively, you have to know the fears of the person you are asking, which requires research and empathy. Those two things, research, and empathy, re missing in most “asks” and have a way of delighting people because they feel like you listened.

Step in the other person shoes for a moment and ask yourself:

  • What makes them scared?
  • What do they want?
  • How do they want to be perceived?

An added benefit to risk reversal is that it forces you to understand what you’re asking the other person. A lazy request makes risk reversal almost impossible, so as a byproduct, your claim gets stronger.

It takes a little more time, but ultimately, worth it.

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Get Out of the Way

get-out-of-the-way

Once you delegate, leave.

There is a natural instinct to help someone when you ask them to do something when you are good at it.

Resist this urge.

“Hey, when I did it before, all I had to do was…”

This causes problems.

  • Your actions block the other person’s creativity by framing them in a particular thought pattern
  • You are teaching them not to think because you have the answers
  • And you take away agency because those direct reports are just “following orders.”

Once you are clear about your ask and you clear an LZ (landing zone), the best thing to do is to get out-of-the-way.

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On the Other Side of the Table: When You Ask and it Doesn’t Happen

Vantage Points

Tell a story, follow-up, understand

When I had my first startup, I would bark orders at people. This method didn’t work. I didn’t follow up. I just punished people when it didn’t happen.

When I worked at my corporate job, I would type friendly emails to people as requests.This method didn’t work. I didn’t follow up. I just resented people when it didn’t happen.

Now, when I talk to people I work with, I make a request with a story. This method works for me. When it doesn’t, I follow-up and learn about the situation. I don’t punish, I don’t get resentful, I try to understand.

Three takeaways:

  • Include a piece of yourself, along with the why connects people to your ask.
  • Ask, instead of punishing or become resentful, opens up the insight that allows a connection. People start to like working for and with you. They give more.
  • You calibrate for the future. You know a bit more, so you know when to ask for more or less.

Those takeaways are indispensable when you delegate.

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Stop Them at the Ask

You can’t just say “no” to everyone.

It’s hard to say no to certain people. They usually come with titles such as “manager,” “CEO,” or “mom.”

As Bob Dylan sang, “We all have to serve somebody.” And the dynamics at play won’t allow an outright “no.”

That being said, these people want the best for you because it is in their best interest. Your success helps them look good and meet their goals. To work at your best, you have to say “no” to some things.

But, you are in the odd place of not being able to say “no” directly.

How can you navigate that?

I have an exercise that can help with this conundrum.

Exercise:

The plan is to ask to rank their needs and with that, get the prioritization to get the “no” you are looking for in any environment where you have to deal with an authoritative structure (i.e. the office)

  • When the “ask” happens, return the favor by asking a few questions:
    • What is the priority, on a 1 -10 basis?
    • When do you need this by?
    • What resources are available for this?
  • Say what you need to get her (the boss) away, and have an email ready that asks those questions again, along with a list of your current projects.
  • Ask where you want her to slot that new ask, and if any of this is can come off your “plate.”

 This exercise “stops them as they ask,” giving people the opportunity to redirect energy and remind them of what is important (something we all could use) at the same time.  It saves your energy so you can focus on what matters.

Win-win. 

 

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Wasting Energy with a “Long No”

When you push things off, you create a “long no.”

What is a long no? Instead of being upfront and saying “no,” (short) you delay the inevitable by using half answers or “maybe,” (long).

Say you want to find a gym, and you have a buddy that wants to refer you to his favorite one. You know the gym is out of the way for you and doesn’t have a heavy bag (you want to work out some frustration!). Instead of saying no, “This gym doesn’t suit me,” you tell him “Let me get back to you” or “I’ll keep it in mind.”

And now you deal with that decision until he forgets or you can tell him you found it (or lie about it).

It’s wasted energy.

A short “no” short circuits al of that and allows either party to reframe into something that matters.

He might know something that fits your specifications if you ask.

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