[bctt tweet=”If I recorded people during tirades and rants and played them, we would hear the same sentence or point over and over”]
Anger is cyclical.
I never felt better by getting in a fight.
Sure, I felt good, but I never got better.
Ever slip and fall, and laugh with your friends when it happens? An honest laugh, not a laugh to get along, but a deep belly laugh because you recognize the situation, and see the humor in it? To me that’s feeling better about a situation.
Better for me is growth and the ability to put the event behind me, never thought off in a negative light again.
Most encounters don’t feel that way. The ones where I’ve fought, when I think back on it, don’t make me laugh or think about what I’ve learned, those memories lead me back into anger, and it stays unresolved. I regret that anger and I don’t treat myself well as a result.
That understanding, going forward, has made my year better. Anger is a real emotion, however, it doesn’t need control. Even though it drapes everything we do, we are better than that.
Uncontrolled, it’s a treadmill – but anger doesn’t have to. When finding yourself in angry situations, here is what I do to try to get back on track
- Breathe – really…breathe. Anger makes us forget, take a second and engage with it. Pick any technique (I am using box breathing now) and go.
- Sit and short circuit – The anger comes back. If I recorded people during tirades and rants and played them, we would hear the same sentence or point over and over. Sit and watch it. It is your anger trying to take control. Write down the point on a notepad.
- Schedule time to go back – Once it is all written, schedule time to take a look at it. Time will take the anger away, and coming back with a constructive response will leave the moment in a better place. Most people aren’t out to get you, try to treat them as ignorant, not evil.
These don’t work all the time, but more often than not, you will be better than you were before. And being better leads to better memories and self forgiveness.
I have my phone today – and the urge is back.
Urges suck, it is a start reminder of how addiction works, and how plugged in it makes you.
However, with my current knowledge, I know that I don’t want to deal with this anymore.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 