brains – From the desk of Adam Thomas

I used to hate to make my bed.

Every day I would avoid it. When my mother asked me as a child if I made my bed I would lie to her.

I don’t know why I hated making my bed so much, if it was an act of rebellion or a fit of laziness, but I would make it a point to actively avoid it. This behavior followed me from childhood in the DC area to being an adult in New York City. For years I never made my bed.

It seemed like a waste of time either way, and I didn’t care to “waste” time.

On the other hand, when I went into a place that had a made bed, say a hotel, I was more organized. I felt a sense of relief once I got to my room. The calm that I had when I had a made bed (and a clean room for that matter) helped me center and get a better grip on the next day.

I didn’t see the connection.

Life is funny that way, where the connection doesn’t stick until it does. We often see with our brains, and our brains get locked into certain habits. When those old habits break, there is an opportunity for new habits and connections to form.

It happened when I laid on my bed for a week while it was “made.”

Let me explain. I had a maid come by after a New Years Party and had the gift of a bed that was ‘made.’ My apartment has the heat on a temperature I like to call “hell” during the winter. So, for a few days I had a bed that was made and an apartment too hot to sleep in it. I spent the time laying on top of the covers.

After a few days I noticed the same habits I had in a hotel. I noticed I got organized before bed and started to think about my day ahead.What I thought was a waste of time turned into a time saver.

That new connection happened because I saw an old place in a new way. My old habit snapped and it gave me the opportunity to see something different. It took different circumstances in the same place to see a better alternative.

I try to think of that every time I stay in the same place too long. I use the question, “didn’t I used to hate to make my bed?” to reframe my situation and try to get to new ground.

We deal with the unknown. There are consequences. We freak out sometimes and succumb to fear. These things paralyze you to the point that even simple tasks get overwhelming.

That fear is scary. We tell ourselves one false move and its over.

In my head, I feel like I’ve built a house of cards through white lies and half-truths. One mistake, and down goes that house.

I go from being stable person to homeless, effective immediately, looking for change. Highlights of my new day would include free swipes on the train and a cool night that provides an empty park bench for me to rest on.

A side effect of not having my headphones on and no cell phone is that I see New York City’s homeless. With any distraction they disappear – a reminder of the power of the brain, and whole people fade into the background

A little research has led me to see my brain differently. We don’t have a singular brain, but 3 in our heads – reptilian, mammalian, and human. They come up with different solutions and we act on all three to decide our next move.

Lets take a look at it in the context of a meeting at work.

RUN AWAY!!!RUN FAR AWAY!!!

Up first – reptilian.

Some call it the lizard brain and it represents our fight or flight. Unfortunately, due to evolution, it is the strongest part of the brain. It makes sense – for most of our history, fight or flight meant everything.

Sitting in a meeting and you feel that uncomfortable “bleh” feeling. Twitter is just one click away. (FYI: People who feel snooty with the business iPhone or Blackberry – email is the same escape). It starts down this path and gets the other two parts in on the action.

Scariest part, it doesn’t get to make any decision of nuance, it has comfortable or this is it.

I don’t want to stand out, that tall poppy gets cut every time.

Next up is the mammalian or the group think part. This is the other part of that equation, the layer over the panic.

“Don’t stand out, don’t raise your hand, wait to be called, and don’t you see everyone else sitting quietly? Be like them and fit in.”

If they wanted me to talk they would have just asked.

Then comes the human part, where we rationalize the things underneath.

All this comes together to create this awful feeling that we aren’t supposed to do this. The meeting you were in just ends up being a waste of time.

Don’t blame the brain. For most of our history it protected us. But now, since we deal with a different type of work, we have to prepare to deal with that same defense mechanism.

All three parts of the brain has a part to play. Think about each one next time you get uncomfortable. Write them down. Don’t catasrophize. List them one by one and deal with the fear in meaningful terms, realizing that the lizard brain is fueling the thought of disaster as a defense mechanism.

It is a part of reality that we deal with ambiguity, and we don’t like surprises. Master yourself, and there is no limit to what you can do.