Apparently, Mark Zuckerberg has to understand a question at the beginning of a meeting. He has to know if they are there for a decision or a discussion.
When I read this, I wondered how many times I’ve walked into a place with no idea of the expectation, and how many times I’ve caught hell for it.
Quick example
I once walked into a meeting with the new initiative’s board at a major company thinking that I had to discuss. I ended up embarrassing myself and my department. Nothing says fear like a senior vice president grilling an associate.
I wasted both my and their time.
Sounds simple, however, knowing that at the beginning of a meeting can change how you interpret and behave. Having people in the meeting acting in “decision” mode when it is a discussion can cause all sorts of discord and leave everyone in the meeting more confused than when they came in.
Imagine talking out loud about an idea and then being forced to defend it.
Rough.
Understand “what is this for” and make sure everyone is aligned.
I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes. I’d like to suggest a challenge – every time you post a happy birthday to me, send a message to an old friend telling them you love them.
Why today? Well, its random :-D.
When we expect the payout we don’t get to cherish it much. Think about your job and how you get paid. A paycheck is normal and we don’t care, but finding five bucks on the ground or having your boss buy you lunch on a whim changes an entire day (or week).
Happy Birthday on April 9th is great, I love what you are doing on June 9 or November 12th is amazing.
It’s easy to talk about, but hard to build on. Each dollar you collect from someone represents your mark on an economy, and the work that you or your team put in to get someone to part with that resource. It represent
When I look at my bank account, it’s a direct correlation to what I believe and more importantly invest in.
I don’t take it lightly
Although I used too. I used to think it was easy, getting money from people. It’s easy to spot someone who thinks like this, because they constantly say things like “It’s easy to do that” and when you ask them, they already have an excuse on how it won’t work.
I don’t judge them too harshly. As I alluded to above, I used to do the same.
So what changed
But I learned, when I started to put my money where my mouth was, just how hard it is to get people to part with it. And when they do part with it, how difficult it is to keep people parting with it.
It’s an ego buster.
With any product, watching people connect and disconnect is …well weird. What worked a year ago suddenly doesn’t work anymore. Sometimes it just catches fire. Sometimes people just see it and love or hate it.
It is a slap to the ego. Learning that it’s about the other person, not you, the world buster, takes a lot. But it becomes beautiful, because through that effort, you learn. When you learn, ultimately you earn the right to do it again, and again.
Freedom
This isn’t easy. No one helps you, and there is a huge cost of entry (although it’s getting lower, you still have to dedicate time), but its a constant learning opportunity.
Learning how to keep in touch was paramount for me in 2015. I learned how to take a relationship and support it. I’ve met some friends that who inspire me to work.
The easiest way to support that is the quick nudge. Its simple, a text, a quick email, a short tweet. Its low risk, spares the ego, and it holds no forced response.
Best of all, it takes very little time to do. Take advantage of a slow minute and email someone who you are thinking about them.
It holds another tremendous benefit
It makes people feel better. People rarely get emails that hold nothing but well wishes. A thank you note or text brightens my day every time it happens. It also brightens up the day of anyone else I ask. I’ve never heard of anyone that hates a nice check-in.
Building a relationship, getting closer through the quick nudge opens up the opportunity to help. People feel more comfortable in confiding in people who take an interest, and it provides you the opportunity to become a better listener.
You get the chance to bring value to people who aren’t expecting it.
This is critical for leaders. But there is something that stops us from doing this when we could.
Turn your ego off
Ego gets us every time because it expects us to get the upper hand. By extending an unrequited gesture, ego starts to panic. You won’t win every time you do this, there is a chance it goes unanswered, you get nothing, and the ego calls you a loser.
That is a scary thing. Who wants to feel underwhelmed? But the key here isn’t that you get the single action back, it’s about building the muscle to do it often. If it becomes a part of your skill set, youve acquired something that most people’s egos stop them from getting, and that leaves you ahead of the game. Keep in touch.
Note: As with all things extremes get you in trouble. Don’t harass. A simple note does wonders but a stack of them becomes a nuisance.
In the spirit of the time of year, I will spare you the bad and ugly, and present just the good. There is a lot of books that I haven’t captured here that are wonderful. Take a look at my Goodreads account and tweet me and I’ll give you a review on the book, or follow my Instagram account, where I leave book reviews to get an idea if a book will work for you.
First, I give the honorable mentions, a quick look at 5 books that I find tremendous and are surefire hits on my reread list. Then the top 5 books that changed my perspective.
Honorable Mention Books
Art of LearningJosh Waitzkin [Recommended by Tim Ferriss] – Critical guide to learning how to master any skill. Thinking of doing something new in 2016, pick this one up first.
Freedom From The KnownJiddu Krishnamurti[Recommended by Zo Williams] – In order to learn about something new, completely new, you have to get comfortable with the idea that you don’t know. All of this starts with self. This is a great primer.
AntifragileNassim Nicholas Taleb [Recommended by Shane Parrish] – Great books change the path of your life, I think this one did for me. Antifragile discusses the idea of antifragility or, the idea of friction improving something, as opposed to things that are fragile, where friction destroys it. This book is full of wisdom, delivered in Nassim’s trademark brash style. At first, I considered it to effect just my financial decisions, until I realized that this idea is something that all decisions should go through, eventually slowing down and stopping my idea of getting an MBA.
You Can’t Make Me Angry Paul O.[ Recommended by Maria Popova ] – When I first bought this book, I thought it looked awful. The outside is that cheap laminate that bad workplace materials use and the design is terrible. But, I bought it after looking at Brain Pickings and Daring Greatly(the next book) did a ton for me. I am glad I did. This book, in plain English, forces you to take a look at your anger, and understand the control you cede by letting that anger run rampant. I changed how I dealt with my emotions after reading this, and become a much happier person.
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and LeadBrene Brown[Recommended by Maria Popova] As soon as I read this, I bought her entire bibliography. This book is that powerful. Brene Brown connects all the lessons such as dealing with vulnerability, how shame hurts in every situation, and beating ourselves leads no where with personal stories(where she leaves it out there) and anecdotes backed by tremendous research. By practicing what she preached in a book where she didn’t have to, she changed my life for the better. This book is the catalyst for improving my relationships everywhere in my life.
Prometheus RisingRobert Anton Wilson[Recommended by Zo Williams] – Mysticism always seemed a little woowoo to me. I just believed in science(rationalization), and as a kid, I turned my back on religion when I noticed what it did to people. So, when I got this book recommendation, I let it sit on the shelf and did what I usually do when I procrastinate – head to YouTube. After listening to Robert Anton Wilson on YouTube for a few clips, I realized the depth of his intelligence and started reading. He lays out an incredibly insightful book regarding the world of the spiritual, and more importantly, he gives you the ammunition to question, not just what you know but what he says. This book is full of experiments (some are time-consuming, I read this months ago and I still work through them) and humor. It also got me to realize that complete rationalization is a religion itself. Before picking this up, I thought all that stuff was mumbo jumbo – now I recognize that I don’t know – which is the greatest gift of all.
Becoming Richard Pryor Scott Saul[Recommended by Reddit] – Richard Pryor is one of my favorite comedians. It often amazes me that as a kid born after his prime, I can still look back on his routines and laugh. I fancy myself a Pryorphile – I pick up everything I can on him. So, when I got this book from a Reddit secret Santa I know I had to read it. This book goes into great detail, covering stretches of his life that are rarely talked about (his childhood) or stuff of legend (His Berkeley time) where most programs and books are happy to just scan over.The result is a masterful book, soul crushing and inspiring all at the same time, toeing a great line painting Pryor as a person turned an awful childhood into something the world enjoyed, but never quite shaking that self-destructive behavior around the people closest to him. Any fan of comedy should pick this up, but stretch before you do (It’s the biggest book on this list).
The giving season is finishing up
But don’t neglect yourself. Reading is compound knowledge that compounds. All ten are worth your time. Take some time to expand your abilities by sitting down with a great book, and if you need any more recommendations, feel free to reach out to me on Twitter @TheHonorableAT and lets talk.
Being an entrepreneur is a road to success, and it is one that can be extremely narrow but insanely satisfying.
It satisfies a creative itch. No safety net means deal or die.
The interesting part about that road is it looks incredibly inviting when you first look – set your own hours, be your own boss, do what you want.
Once you are on it, you see what makes that road narrow, like laziness, mindlessness, no discipline, that make people stop and turn around.
Even with that said, you are more than likely going to fail – but the building blocks with learned failure give you the chance to go back and try again with the road a little wider.
I never thought I would be able to do such a thing – chalk it up to reasons and a blind loyalty that shouldn’t exist.
Apple always represented a closed system to me. I distrust them – a closed system means information from one source – and thus beings the propaganda.
A lot of Apple users buy into to propaganda.
My mistake, however, was to let their zeal ruin what could be a connection to me finding a device that fits me.
After a day – I have to say, the iPhone really feels good to use.
Am I giving up android? No – I have this iPhone because of the T-Mobile 30$ prepaid plan – which really allows me two phones really cheap. I still plan on upgrading to a new phone on Verizon – The Galaxy iv or the HTC One – when I have an opportunity – both Android phones. However – I am finally being open to all sides.
I would love a Windows phone and a Blackberry, for no other reason than to check all things out and be knowledgeable.
There was some discussion on the Ari Shaffir video that I posted last night.
First – congrats to that information getting out there (it is close to 4,000 views as of this post, and no thumbs down, which is amazing considering someone hates EVERYTHING)
A few comics are scared – they consider funny will carry them to fate – and from there they will create a career.
That video pointed it out, succinctly, that it doesn’t exist. No one is going to see you be funny and say, here is a sitcom. It just doesn’t happen anymore, and i feel like…it never really happened that way.
I don’t believe in fate…or maybe I should say I don’t trust it.
I believe that given a choice, anything – given it physical or not – will take the easy way out. And the easy way out is to not do any work.
If you believe fate took you to where you need to be – then I feel like that is where it will leave you.
Ambition means something. It seems hard not to confuse ambition with something that is harmful. Do your best and make connections. Who knows where it may take you. It never harmed anyone to be nice, shake a hand, and ask at a spot at the table when things became comfortable.
16/8 – 3 Good Things – 8 Seconds of Water – Cleaned Clothes off Floor
From the desk of Adam Thomas 