I like watching my uncomfortability.
Not when it is happening of course, then I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But I like watching it after the event, almost like a video. I try to keep hold of those thoughts in my mind, although it is better to write them.
They are fascinating when looked at when I am in a healthy, comfortable place because I being to recognized how tinged they are at the moment. When I get uncomfortable, there is no filter; all my thoughts bleed into one another.
Those thoughts get mean and unreasonable. The things that I hate bleed into other things in my mind and every action becomes a strike against me. Didn’t pick me when I raised my hand – well you must have always hated me. Don’t answer my text, I am important. Every anxious thought I have flows into everything else, and I become a mess.
When this would happen when I was younger, I would use it as an excuse to escape the moment. I spent a lot of time running from anything that seemed uncomfortable. If I couldn’t run, I would come cold. If I shut myself off, then I couldn’t hurt anyone around me.I often thought, I’ll patch up the issue tomorrow, and thinking back on it, now I recognized tomorrow never quite showed up.
Lately, I have begun to understand my discomfort, and that is where the fun comes in. A lot of what you feel in life comes from how you frame it, and I recently began to think of being uncomfortability as growth. The best thing I can do is figuring out a framework of how to recognize it.
Most change is real – especially if you don’t allow that change to destroy you. Letting my uncomfortability run rampant was a way that I did that. Now I am trying to turn it into an exercise.A little cherry on top that signifies that this too shall pass, and I will be better for it.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 