It was beautiful in New York City yesterday. It was a crisp 72 degrees, the birds were chirping, and I had a mini nervous breakdown. It started in the shower of all places, all from a single question.
Why am I doing this? That kept ringing in my head. Over and over again. Why am I trying for more? Why am I installing these whiteboards with to-do lists? Why am I taking classes? Why am I working on this nonprofit and startup? I could just sit back and relax.What happened in the world didn’t need to concern me. I have a stable life, a cushy job, and an apartment that doesn’t cost too much. I could just rely on that in life, and spend my time enjoying the rest of it. I could just sit in this apartment, grab a drink, go watch a game and kiss the rest of this stuff goodbye.
That frame of thinking is well and good, but it also leaves me at the whim of the other people. I know this intellectually but it is hard to swallow in the moment when you feel uncomfortable with the unknown.I want self-sufficient and this is the cost of business.
To rely on the world as it is, to think that we are the same tomorrow as we are today is irresponsible. Our goals are different from someone elses, and since we want to lean on ourselves, we have to pay that cost. We are our own worst enemy. I don’t know a single person who has someone in their life that is harder on them than they are on themselves. We are our harshest critics.
So I picked myself off the floor, and headed to the local coffee shop. There was some work that I have to do. Marching on is hard. The alternative is easier in the short run, but consequences of an easier life is often being at the whim of someone else.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 