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The Reasons

I have two shows tonight.

Johnny Zito’s show in Bushwick,Brooklyn is at Goodbye Blue Monday. It is usually filled with some drunks and some people who don’t want to watch a show.

There are even regulars who happen to be there and remember material.

*I use that room because I want to get stronger in silence. *

Randy Epley’s show is in Harlem, at Jazz on the Park. It is a hostel, and it is a room full of people who know English as a second language.

If my presence and nuance can hit a crowd that barely understands me, I’ll be able to kill in a room that gets everything I’m saying.

*I use this room because I want to be able to communicate effectively. *

Everything must have purpose.I am building towards a goal – flying blind is not an option.

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Hello Failure

I don’t want to fail.

That has been a theme of mine since I could remember.

The problem is failure creates growth.

To become successful, you have to embrace the failure.

Like most bad things, I try to push it away. By pushing it away, I build a comfort zone. Comfort is the enemy of success.

Tough success spawns greatness. Easy wins are fuel. I have had enough fuel lately.

I audition at HA! tonight at midnight. I have heard it is a rough show, and I am scared. I have butterflies, and have had them since I woke up this morning.

This is where I need to be to expand. Hello failure.

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Short Post Vol 4

Short Post vol 4

I guess I will be doing this once a week.

Been really busy lately. My head feels odd. Like It needs a rest.

Because f that, I am not going to stress it.

Just going to get to 100 words, and take this letter away.

The show went well last night, both actually. Eric I doesn’t want to take no for an answer with his next show.

Dillon’s went well as well. Nice ego boost.

I need to start letting my video fly, and take criticism. I got some good and some bad, but that’s what I need. Open. No one cares yet.

Do water push ups 3 things reminders
Dont 16/8 meditation vegetable juice thank you cpap todo

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Saturday Rambling

I got a show in Brooklyn tonight. It’s rare that I go there to perform, but it is something I want to go and do more often. I need to spread my wings and go into other places in the city, and build the connections. Granted, a lot of people I know will be on the show, still, it is a chance to work on some material and get it polished for the the march ahead.

Got 8 minutes tonight. It is something I need right now. I want to start working in the 8 to 10 space a lot more often. I need to get better at knocking these shows out and making the best of them. 8 to 10 has to start feeling like home.

I am curious to see what the crowd is going to be like in there? Dillon has a huge twitter following, at least to my standards, so I assume a few twitter people will be there. Also, some of the neighborhood, and also, a lot of the people that are around the other comics. In short, it should be a small but cool crowd. Ill record the set because I need to hear myself – I am going to be tightening up a lot of jokes tonight for their latest iterations. Lets see if the abridged versions can get the same laughs.

With that said, I would like to get to Eric I’s spot tonight at Karma. I want to get on, but also just seems like a cool spot to hang out and watch some comedy. There are going to be people there i know, and I would like to see some people get up and be funny.

New Jokes in the rotation and I am nervous about them. They have been incubating for a few months, and I like some of them. I haven’t , however, put them to the test of a crowd. With my auditions coming up, I would like to really my set down as much as possible, cutting down my usable jokes down to about 5 – 7 minutes of more pure funny.

Maybe in July I can start to work them in, and get them into show shape. Some of them are deeper concepts, and they are a little more complex. With that said, I really like them. I want them to do well.

A few auditions this month, and I can’t wait to get them over with. As I said before, I moseyed my way into getting up at 3 clubs around the city. I feel like I need my jokes to be the tightest to get into the club level. Even if these clubs aren’t the top in the city, being in a few clubs solidifies me as a comic around NYC.

And then the next challenge will begin.


Donors choose card is sitting on my table. I really want to get more active into the non-profit sector. Working with those in need will enrich my life a bit, give me a little more perspective, and help me be a better artist by learning how to connect more with people. I don’t ever want to be that guy locked away in his walled fortress, being deluded so much I think that the world is filled with people having parties filled with champagne and shrimp cocktails.

That is why I am going to work with Anthony starting this week. I don’t know what i can contribute to his Newark tech entrepreneur initiative, but I do hope that I can help.

I would like to build with smart people, because like helping with the less fortunate, it gives me the opportunity to grow as a person, build connections, and broaden my worldview.

People are working around me, and I just want to be working like them. I want to keep up. I want to be destined to greatness. I have done something to align myself with some stars, so I should do my best and make sure that I can go up there with them.


I was talking to Phil last night. Like most of us, he was saying he was lacking goals in life. I constantly feel the same way, so I try to create. I recommended to him that he do the same thing.

I told him I don’t want to be a king. Too much stress. I rather be a king maker or a jester. Sounds crazy, but both have the ability to talk to the king, to guide him, and to speak truth to him when the others in his court can’t.

My life is going both those ways now, with my comedy and my other persuits, like investing and soon, hopefully being a board member on a few non profits. I don’t know if these paths diverge or combine at some point, but I do know I want the ability to do this for a long time.


Been thinking about giving my therapist access to this blog. I am scared to, because really, this is me just unloading my thoughts, but then again, I am letting whoever read this anyway. I think my fear comes from him analyzing what I wrote.

I assume most people who read anything I write here will take it to be superficial. I mostly rant about myself, and honestly, this is an attempt to learn how to write about me, analyze me later, and improve my life. I don’t know where this stuff will turn to.

With that said, my therapist could be looking through this for clues on me. He knows a lot about me already, and this would give him a little more insight. I don’t know why I am imagining this to be such a bad thing, because now he could help steer the conversation and keep me on track when I become fearful and start to hide truths.

I am a compartmentalized dude. Hiding things from others is what i do best. Letting him see this would probably break some walls.

Maybe I should start breaking some walls.

Do: CPAP, Push Ups,Water
Didnt: Meditation, 16/8, Vegetable Juice, Thank You, To Dos, Wrap Up, 3 Things

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Trying to be Smooth

I was late again this morning. I got out of bed at 8 15, which is something that I wanted to avoid. It is a full hour over when I should be getting up, which resulted in a late start at work, something that I still need to figure out how to get out of.

I feel like I am slipping when this happens. I was able Tuesday to get out the gate here at work, and start working as soon as I got it. It was a good feeling, even if I had nothing to really do. I see the difference with how I work when I have a clean palate in the morning, and I tend to be distracted when I don’t.

No rest for the weary. I have to keep up with this, and do it everyday. If I can make it for a month, Ill be able to latch onto it. I am quite happy with a clear slate for a month. If I can do that, who knows what I will be able to think up and get accomplished. Just have to execute.

With that said, I was a little tired when I woke up. My sleep times have been creeping towards 1, with no practical reason to be up that late. I would like to train myself to sleep at 1 and wake up at 7 due to me maybe being on late night, but for now, there is no reason to be up that late. I may not even get it. So, I will be monitoring my sleep times, and pushing them back to a healthier 12 and maybe 11 some nights to make sure I am well rested for the upcoming day.


I am currently redrawing my lines for the workplace. I find that while I am good with a clean room, and I see it spreading to a clean house, my office space is still a mess. I want to be able to come to work in a clean area, and I am not doing it.

Clean area, clean mind. It is where I want to be in all aspects of my life, so I have to start getting it in all areas of my life.

Why be good in one area and not good in another. I have to establish some office habits to improve my work habits. The rest of this week will be devoted to researching what I actually do. I want this to be smooth sailing just like my mornings and evenings are becoming.

I will be breaking this down into morning office and night office routines. I will be bringing my coffee and pills over and try to make it a habit of getting things together here in the office. Making a smooth transition from beginning and ending an office day.

I want to make this work…


Therapy last night was very good. I got to discuss some of the things that have been bothering me at work. Not being able to work from home has been a bit of a hamper on my work schedule. I would also like to know when or if I am getting the raise I was due.

I have to make waves in getting some of this stuff done. I realized some of this is my fault, but I need to get that part under control. From there I can get a smoother office experience.

The other half, and maybe the whole session really, was based in my fear of speaking to people. I can do it fine when I am drunk, or oddly enough, I can do it great when I am in person next to people. What I am not good at is calling and re-connection. It is keeping the stove warm in relationships that eludes me. I have this internal fear that people don’t want to speak to me, and I rationalize it when I don’t call.

Adding automation to this I think, is imperative for me to be better at it. If I am forced in the conversations, I will be better at talking, even if it is something simple as a text. I have to talk to people. I have to make connections.

If I can sync this up, ill be stronger in everything else I try to accomplish. Discipline.


Its hot today, and I guess summer is here. I also guess that my electricity bill will be quite high in the coming months. I want to compensate as much as possible with the roommate situation. A little more money will help me a bit in getting this other stuff under control.

I probably will be running my air conditioner all summer long with no breaks in between. I know that it will be a tad more expensive, but peace of mind is worth the price. I remember the summer I moved to the city, and it was quite hot. I just had a box fan, and for the most part, my apartment was miserable. I hated being home, and I hated my apartment until late September.

I have a lot more people living in my apartment now, so I better keep it cool.


Comedy at Bar None today, and I want to work and get back into the rotation there. I need to get the habit of being in places every Thursday, and Zito’s show and the Pear once a month isn’t cutting it. I need to add maybe two more shows every Thursday.


I want to build another skill, and I think I am adding Vine to my list of things. Even if I stink, I would like to have a body of work for people to look at. I might as well get on the ground floor because I have an iPhone.

If no one cares now I can scrap it in the future. What is the worst that can happen.

Do: 16/8 | CPAP | Wrap Up | 3 Things | Push Ups | Water
Don’t: To Do | Vegetable Juice | Thank You | Meditation

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Wake up Comedy

I woke up a little late this morning. It was odd, because I woke up without an alarm clock at 6:30 AM.I felt somewhat refreshed, but, as my lizard brain will sometimes do, see it wasn’t time to get up yet and went back to sleep.

I ended up getting up at 7:45. Pretty much 45 minutes after my alarm went off. I was not that much more refreshed, but another hour was subtracted from my day, and I was no better for it.

Even so this late was acceptable. Earlier this could have been 8:45 and I would be where I am now an hour later, explaining to my boss what happened, instead of getting here at 10 on the dot, with some morning stuff accomplished. I got a chance to get my video to start to upload on youtube, connected my zune to my PC, and got a driver app downloading so maybe i can fix my laptop.

Even with the lateness, I am starting to see how valuable my mornings can be, if I just build off of them. In the future, I hope to build off this. I would like to train my ind to think of the morning as something that is a bit more conductive to creative work, as opposed to time to just get ready for work and wallow in it.

I appreciate the forward motion this morning gave me. Even when I faced some setbacks, like my eye rejecting my contact. I am starting to get the feeling that there is another contact. Simply, I am becoming less afraid to throw something away when there is an alternative.

I like this mindset. It is me being a bit more mindful of what I am doing, and realizing that some of this stuff should be thrown away. I don’t see it as waste when abandoning something will give me time to do something more productive.

I like forward motion. I feel like I am establishing some serious habits that will translate themselves into something late rin life. I plan on working alone, and having the creative time to make things happen is a big part of that making me not have to go back to the 9-5 world, when it is that time to go.


Establishing connection is interesting and scary. Yesterday I talked to two people I haven’t spoken to before over facebook, for no other reason than to establish connection. I really hate the pit of the stomach feeling I get when I do this though.

It is there becuase I think no one wants to speak to me. I don’t know when this developed, but I do know that it has hampered my life. I automatically assume the worst in every conversation, and when I do talk, I always assume that i am going to say something that puts the other person ill at ease, and ruin friendships with my words.

It sounds completely rediculous, because it is. It always strikes me when people do want to speak to me. Phil says I am a good conversationalist and I can network really well, and I see it completely the opposite. I feel like I am not built to sit there and do small talk. When I look at him do it, he seems to really be able to just discuss things with candor to the next person.

He may do it to just random people on the street, but he is good at it. Me, I am scared to even talk to people at meetups and cocktail parties unless I had a few to “loosen me up”.

It s why I reached out to someone on FB, a comic I met around here from Boston, just to open a bridge of communication. I want to talk to someone I haven’t talked to in forever, at least on e person a day, to build some relationships with the people I have on Facebook. I am hoping from there I can do it in the real world too.

I need to be able to pitch, talk, and discuss a lot more efficiently if I want to make myself a brand.


I got my comedy tape from Caroline’s back last night. It was from the second set of my Friday night there in January. It felt pretty bad when I did it, and I expected to see the results of it when I got a look at it. What I saw really wasn’t half bad.

I stood and took the punches. One of the things that Phil used to tell me, along with Zo, was that I bail on things. When I looked at the tape there, I stuck on to everything I had. Regardless if anything landed or not, I went right to the next joke.

I looked more like a professional, and even if the jokes weren’t hitting as hard as they should,I looked like I belonged up there. I didn’t appear to be an impostor, but an actual comedian. Body language means a lot, and I had the body language of a confident man, even if I felt like I wasn’t doing so great.

A few things I got from that video though.Jokes need tightening up. I lingered a lot in my jokes. There is some air there that needs to be cleaned up. MY stuff lately has been good at removing that air, and dropping laughs in rather quickly. Ill see when I do a set this weekend and tape.

I think I am one good set away from having something that is worth submitting to any festival. I just need it to be at a comedy club and I will be golden. There is growth there.


Frankie is coming back in a week or so. It will be good to see him. Haven’t been around him in a few years. It is good to see he has graduated and it is good to see him employed. Good to have an old friend back.

do: wrap up, push ups, 3 things, CPAP
don’t: Thank You, 16/8, water, vegetable juice, meditation, to-do

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Mental Clarity

I cherish my mind.

Some times I take it for granted, I hate it. I don’t exercise it enough. I let it languish. I drink. I eat bad food. After all of that, I then always rely on it to bail me out of situations when it suits me.

It isn’t a great relationship.

Even so, every once in a while, I get reminded that the greatest thing anyone could ever ask for is clarity. The ability to take a look at the world and make rational decisions should not be taken for granted.

I saw a man without that clarity on the train. He was between cars, shaking, bouncing on the platform that connected the two cars together. I couldn’t quite call what he was doing, what was the point, and how it made his day better, but he looked like he had the time of his life doing it.

Ignorance is bliss I suppose. He seemed to love his life at the time, and he was making inroads to his enjoyment. Even so, I take a look at myself and think, maybe selfishly, that he cannot make much positive change in anyone’s life. I can. And that gift should not be ignored.

With that said…

It makes my stomach hurt saying this, but it points out another thought.

The other thing I was hoping for was for him not to fall down and ruin my day. That is the other side of the coin. We are still selfish. I didn’t want to give him help, I just wanted to make sure he didn’t effect my life. There is something barbaric about that, but also oddly human.

We all hate seeing ourselves in a selfish light, at least I know I do. With that said however, I feel like I should be more honest about it. So here I am.


I woke up on time today, or should I say, close to it. I was able to get most of my morning routines ready to go. I had time to do my push-ups, read all the things in my Feedly, and get most of this written, well, I hope all of it written.

My next goal is to push this maybe 15 minutes back,and go further in the mornings to increase the time of my workout, maybe read a little bit more, and add more things into a morning routine.

I must say though, it is a very good thing to be able to get up and see I am getting things done, and I won’t be late for work. It is also nice that this desk is turning more into a workshop and less into a huge paper weight. I don’t know how this will translate into my work, but I must say I feel more effective.

I hope I can keep this up.

In the meantime, I am trying to get Phil into the swing of things with habit. It seems he lives a very chaotic life. He doesn’t want to anymore, and I hope helping him build habits could make him more productive.

He seems earnest, and I would like to help make him better at what he does. Its one thing I can feel like I am doing right.


Making my way to the Comic Strip and The Laughing Devil next month. I am happy about finally putting this comedian stuff to the test. I have been building up my jokes for a few years, tightening them up, mining them for laughs. I am fairly confident I have been building something good in the meantime. Now it is time to put it to the test.

I want to be able to work as a comedian more in the city, and this will give me something I can hang my hat on. If I get in at bother of these clubs, I can then make the move to conquer more, once I get solidified. If I can knock out those tow, I would love to take on Stand Up NY and The Stand next.

Every thing in this game seems to be about building on passed success. I am passed at Carolines, but I have pretty much stopped sending in avails at this point (something I shouldn’t do, but it is shattering to sit through the process).I need to be in places that are more relevant to me, and getting some of the respect that comes with being a NYC club comic.

I have to stop taking the shots that are given to me and start forcing a few up. I got to see just how good I am. If I don’t, who knows how ill end up. I feel like it would mot likely be improving, but even so, most likely, I would be chasing my own tail.

I plan on doing this for a long time, so even if I fail, at least I will be on the radar for next time. I feel my act is ready for the limelight, so I might as well go and get some things for me.


I may be a non profit board member for the literacy program in Harlem. I got asked yesterday, and I would love to do it. I want to increase my service to the community, throw something on the resume that makes me look good for other companies,and make me a lot easier to sell at work.

The needs may be a bit selfish on this one, but I also would love to help the kids around Harlem read.Literacy is something that people seem to think is not important.

With the internet, twitter and Facebook, I think being able to sit down and decipher anything with the deep focus a good book requires is the linchpin skill that will separate the wheat from the chaff. It will increase critical thinking skills, it will make them more worldly, increase the insight into language and improve the imagination.

Sounds like a win win to me.

Do: CPAP /Pushups /3 Things/ Wrap Up
Don’t: 16/8 water/vegetable juice/thank you/ to do / meditation

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Breaking the Charade

Sunday mornings seem like they are great for reflection.

I guess that is why most businesses are closed, Christians celebrate religious services, school is out, work slows down, and we all get to sit down and bask in the glory of the day.

Sunday always meant church for me, which meant work, which meant appearances, which means I hated Sundays for most my life. I had to get up, put on a suit, brush my teeth, cross my t’s and dot my i’s to make sure I looked good, because the family would be going to church.

This was a good and bad thing. I learned about appearances, and how important they were to keep. We had to make a show of it, because the people were expecting a show. To not make a show, at least a little bit, was to make you an outcast. There would be gossip, and shunning, even at tiny levels.

The bad was I learned more about human nature. A place that said it was inclusive and forgiving, really wasn’t. The gossip flew – “Did you see what that family wore” even as the Bible said come as you are. People would be judged – “I saw ___ boy at the liquor store” even as the bible said judge lest ye be judged.

I soaked a lot of this in, because I was a quiet observer. Slowly, I let it chip away at my feelings towards religion as a whole. I became an agnostic while spending 3 days a week at a holy building. I knew the bible, but what I saw just wasn’t matching up.

I think back and feel like I shouldn’t have let that happen sometimes. Maybe the key to all of it was forgiveness for your fellow man. Jesus was a strong person, and if a lot of that was true (minus the magic) then he was a great man who had a great capacity for compassion, even if his followers didn’t.

But I also think maybe the lesson was to forge out ahead, and be your own man. Look and see what group think brings to you, look what it makes you. Sometimes, when you are a part of the group you can’t just be honest. The story changes. A charade has to happen because if it doesn’t the whole thing falls apart.

As a comedian I would like to be able to change minds while making people laugh. I think an artists most noble mission is to take shots at the status quo, to show the world how it is, to break the charade – wrapped in a bouquet of beauty.

I want to break that charade without breaking the people behind it. As this Sunday rolls on, it becomes another week where this sits in the back of my mind, and allows me to push forward.


Movie Day is today. I have been picking out Sunday to go to see a film since the beginning of the month, and I think i will stick with this routine.

It is pretty nice to be able to unplug yourself, and surrender to something for 2 hours, without checking your phone, or looking at Twitter, Facebook, or even talking.

Its why I go alone. I want the time to let my brain sit on whatever it is processing at the time. If nothing comes, fine, but I want to train it to have Sunday be a time of silence.

The movie thing also helps because it allows me to see other people’s ideas, good or bad. I get to see show business from the consumers point of view. I can learn more on what makes a good movie, what makes a good story, or even, why did this thing go so wrong. Then I can use what I learned to improve my own work.

I’d like to learn how to tell a story, and this is the first step in making that happen.


I need to fill up my calendar more. It has always been a tool I neglect, even at work, where everyone lives by the calendar. People use it to watch meeting invitations, and the assumption is that you are busy if anything is on your calendar.

I have been taking that opportunity to block out 30 minutes a day in order to go over my comedy sets. It has generally worked. I want to use it now to

1) give myself time on Monday mornings to plan out my week as per 99u’s Managing Your Day to Day.

2) Organize my personal life in order to remember shows and get an idea of how my month is going in terms of comedy.

I don’t quite know where it will lead. Maybe ill be in the same boat in September. But I hope it will give me inspiration to be a better worker at work, and power my comedy. Push me to more markets.


Social media curating is a thing. Its a very important thing. It is something I have failed to do, and as a creative who wants to be a freelance person in the future, it is something I better learn how to do.

I want to pick Sunday as a day to really get into my social media. I need to buffer statuses, build a Facebook following, and update my about.me enthuse linked.in and hoverboard.io pages, and connect everything so they can work as one well oiled machine.

I may even make a brand new comedy twitter handle because I need to separate personal and professional. I need to make everything squeaky clean so when the next step of my career comes, I can be ready.

I can’t just be lazy and try to blame fate. Be the change you want to be.


Distractions are the devil. I tried to read something today while some audio was playing and I lost track of everything I read. Whenever I work with silence, I learn just how much lyrics and talk can distract someone from getting meaningful work done.

I think I will be investing in noise cancellation headphones.

Do: Wrapup Pushups CPAP 3 things
Don’t: Meditation to-do water vegetable juice thank you 16/8

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Growth Process

If I have learned nothing else in comedy, I have learned that I have to learn how to embrace failure. I didn’t get into the Laughing Devil Devil Cup festival, and for that I was a little upset. It didn’t bug me as much as things used to though. I still have an audition at the club, I still have a chance to prove myself to be on the normal roster.

I am slowly realizing what comedy is, and I think all art is like this as well. You start off with 99 no’s to 1 yes. As you get better, the scale starts to tip the other way. Soon it is 2 yes’ then 4, then 8 and soon it flips over. You gain the confidence along the way, and build the stories of someone who has been through the war.

I have been trying to groom myself to have a growth mindset. It would help a lot with that process, because I need to make the most of my opportunities. Every day I work is another day I get to turning one of those no’s into a yes. Every failure is another step to success.

I was groomed in life to have the opposite mindset, a fixed mindset. I think most people are. Basically, a fixed mindset doesn’t see the yes growing from the no’s, but as a fixed thing. A yes is a yes and a no is a no. This leads to grudges, and it shakes your confidence. 99 no’s becomes a huge wall in front of you. 99 nos makes you thing that doing any of this is impossible, pack your shit and go back home, or stick to your day job.

I feel like in a few years, each of these no’s will turn over, and I will be able to look back to see that there is positive motion in my career. I want to build, so I hope that my state of mind can go positive as well. Growth not fixed.


New roommate coming into my apartment. He is someone I mentored in college, and with him living here, it will be three guys living in a 3 bedroom. I think this will work, because it is temporary, it helps me out in the money department( I need to temper my spending habits a little more) and he is a good guy, who wants to make everything work.

I hope he does. He is arriving today to get a feel of the territory, get used to the train system, and figure out what he needs to survive when he is up here. If he makes it a permanent move, I will look for an apartment for all three of us to have our space.

If that day comes, it will be weird to move out of this place. This is my first apartment in the city, and living here has taught me a lot about being self sufficient. But I think I am thinking too far. Lets just see if the kid makes it first.


Warren Buffet 500 pages a day has stuck in my mind continuously. 500 pages is a ton of information, and when I tell other people this, they automatically dismiss it.

I have heard everything from “He has an assistant reading” to “It must be nice to be able to do nothing”. This makes me want to persue it as a habit more. The commitment to acquiring knowledge is a difficult one because most of us are scared to find the chips in our mental armor.

Getting more information scares us because it puts our sacred cows in danger. We may have to turn our back on things we knew were true. To be honest, it has slowed me down a little bit. It is an odd exercise to pick up, just to read and try to do 500 pages a day. Even so, it is compound interest. You do learn a little bit more. It is work, but if I can figure it out, I think I will be that much better off to work on my own.


Pushups every morning. I am starting small. Just ten. I want to get better form, and do them slowly. I don’t know what it will get me, but I constantly think of Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins, starting his day with 100 push ups.

Fantasy character or not, it has come to light that physical exercise makes you smarter. I want to be able to think faster, write faster, and read faster, so I guess the secret is integrate workouts faster.


Old Mixtapes have interested me lately. I am listening to Detroit by Big Sean. For the most part, since my generation has the ability to generate new material so fast, we give things 2 or 3 listens and move on.

There is a lot of joy in some of these older recordings. It goes along with my process this year of simplifying and taking in art as a whole. There are lessons to be received in them if you just listen.

*They told me no and I reversed it I’m on. *


Should have kept in Roy Hibbert. I think this will be a more interesting series though. Heat in 6, but the Pacers are not going to go out without a fight.

Do: 3 Things | Wrap up | Pushups
Not: Meditation | Vegetable Juice | 16/8(15/9) | CPAP | To do | Water | Thank You

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Chilly.

Got the AC on. My apartment feels like an apartment should feel. After a day of sitting around in a sweat-box, I feel like we have some central air going. I don’t think I am going to turn it off either. I want it constantly cold in here so I don’t ever have to wait.

I tell myself that every summer, and I wonder why I hardly ever follow it. There has got to be something there, why I always turn off the AC, anytime I feel like it is getting even slightly chilly. Honestly, if I just suffered for a little bit, I won’t have to worry about much after that.


I have the next 6 days off. This should be fun, considering I did all of my errands Monday and Tuesday. I used to be able to just go somewhere, and try to hang around friends, but lately, I don’t feel like doing that. I feel like working on my comedy career, doing a few creative things, and focusing on making these habits stick.

6 Days alone, with no one telling me I need to go anywhere, feels like the perfect opportunity to get stuck in my habits, so when work begins later next week, I can just follow through, and use less brain power as a whole getting anything done.


Are you improving? Today I read a post on The Mistake Bank that asked that very question. I constantly get lost in other metrics, in everything I do. Its easy to ask yourself, what did _____ get, and how did he get that.

Logically, I know that is the quickest way to bad emotion. What I mean by bad emotion, is unjust depression. Jealousy fuels you into making mistakes. I don’t need to make any mistakes when it comes to anything, whether it be comedy, design, or writing. If I only focus on my own metrics – just getting myself better, making the race about me, I feel like I could get a lot farther.

Truth is though, that is a lot harder than it sounds. People push thier success around and my depression makes it a lot easier to listen to, and to feel defended by. I think one of the main things i want to work on this year, besides habits, is to build a relationship with my depression, in order to help mitigate those feelings.

I want to be focused on me, and I think that means guiding my depression into another direction.


Going to make some comedy stops today. I figure with the time off, I can make some connections, shake some hands and kiss some babies. I want to audition at a bunch of clubs before the end of the summer, and this campaign helps.

I really want to get into some of the more, shall we say, obscure comedy clubs in the city. A lot of people want to get in at the Comic Strip, and Stand Up NY, but I would like to see if I can get into the rotation at places like Tribeca Comedy, LOL, HA, and Laughing Devil.

I want to build some more confidence in my material, and get used to working longer sets when I can. I also want to get into more bar show rotations, and get some of my skill up that way. I think that is the way to get me going, and to improve the fastest.

Those clubs make me nervous, but I have to realize, that I have to start getting myself out there, and a no just means come back in a few months. I have to start taking more chances, and I need to actually get out there to start taking them. If I can, there is a lot more stage time in my future.

Get that stage time.


Deciding on output is the hardest thing to do. I want to make the best move in terms of getting something out there, but I have to say that in doing that, I am freezing myself out of making any real potential progress.

I have this fear, that people will laugh, just by speaking up. Logically, I know going through this will only make me stronger, speaking out, asking dumb questions, and getting the ideas to work again next time. Getting a hundred thumbs down is bad, but at least you have a bar to begin with.

Logically I know that. Emotionally, I don’t. I keep myself shielded from failure because I don’t want to experience someone calling me stupid, or telling me that you can never try again.

In the modern world, that just doesn’t make sense anymore, because there are a million venues to try, and a million ways to get what you want. The road always goes somewhere. Just have to make that work.


New 99u Book is out. I plan on reading it, and reading it a lot. Hopefully that can be done by the end of this weekend.

Done: 3 Things Wrap Up Push Ups
Not Done: Meditation To-do 16/8 Water Thank You Vegetable Juice CPAP

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