Tag: communicating

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Say What You Mean

It’s harder than you think

Callie Oettinger wrote a fantastic piece on communicating.

Most of our communications are pointless. Why? We don’t take the time to craft our message to make sure our idea gets to the other side.

The biggest takeaway I got from it is this:

With words, there’s a lot of wiggle room. They are not absolute. Baggage makes them so.

Every time a new message arrives, the lens through which we view it switches out, like an optometrist’s test kit.

If we’re on the writing end, we have to know that the intended interpretation could be missed.

We can’t know what is going on with someone on the receiving in of our communication. That is why, being thoughtful and thinking about the structure and possible meanings of our words, to make sure we get them, is such an important skill.

It changes based on the person, so we need vigilance. It’s too easy to get lazy and think the other person “gets it.”

Usually, they don’t.

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Avoid Neutral Statements

Jeopardy Knowledge sails on the Neutral Statements

What is a neutral statement?

the neutral statement “is compatible with any expression of either approval or disapproval of the facts which the statement claims to report”

A.Phillips | Oxford Press | Analysis |Vol. 24, No. 3 (Jan., 1964)

 

In other words, neutral statements don’t mean anything. You don’t take a stand. It’s hiding by linguistics.

They work in environments based on fear. If you are always ready to “cover your ass,” there is no better way than saying something that means nothing. No one gets mad, and you have wiggle room.

As a result, ambiguity, the natural enemy of direction, has a “run of the place.”  While everyone is saying nothing, the connection to work dwindles. Why would I care? Nothing means anything, and anything means nothing.

If you need an example, take a look at many companies mission statements.

“It is our business to continue to enthusiastically revolutionize revolutionary leadership skills to stay competitive in tomorrow’s world.”

Mission Statement Generator 

That means absolutely nothing. This mission statement could work for IBM, Nintendo, Berkshire Hathaway, or Wal-Mart.

Those are four completely different companies.

Leaders set direction by making their statements say something.

Don’t be a wandering generality.

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Grandstanding vs. Communicating

Grandstanding vs. communicatng

Fear vs. Understanding

When I say the word grandstanding, what comes to most people’s minds is a football player dancing on the way to a touchdown, some drunk at the bar, or a driver on the highway blasting music going 90 MPH.

Grandstanding. When I come across the word, I think of a few things:

  • A football player dancing into the end zone
  • A drunk at the bar trying his best to talk politics
  • Driver blasting music going 90 MPH

Let’s get clear on grandstanding:

  • Grandstanding – You are speaking to beat fear. It comes from a place of, “If I say one more thing, then I’ll look like I belong.”

Grandstanding happens a lot in those situations, but there is a place where grandstanding happens more than all those combined.

Meetings.

Yes, those meetings at work are home to the most grandstanding I’ve seen. It doesn’t matter what type of work either, this isn’t something that just appears in “Corporate America.” I’ve seen it in startups, nonprofits, and civic organizations just as often.

This reaction isn’t a surprise. Meetings, in their best sense, are an action that propels a deliverable. There is the weight of expectation with deliverables and expectations, therefore bring fear.

Fear propels grandstanding.

It’s a selfish act.

It’s the opposite of communication:

  • Communication – You are speaking for clarity. It comes from a place of, “If I make sure they understand, I can make them more efficient.”

Communicating releases the fear that causes grandstanding and it becomes a “feedback loop” (meaning, it happens again and again).

Note that your focus isn’t on how you feel, it’s on how the others around you comprehend. That is leadership.

The best part?

As a result, the mission that the meeting is propelling becomes more significant.

Win-win.

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Simple, Specific, Storyful.

Each is good. All are best.

  • The fewer words you use to get to a point, the better.
  • Using specifics gives a point a place for it to “stand.”
  • Telling a story makes it easier to digest.

When you use those three tactics, every word you use matters. Instead of dancing around the point, you hit it out of the park.

How does this fit with over communicating?

Imagine how much more you could communicate in the same amount of time if you cut “the pork,” used hard numbers, and wrapped it in a story.

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Let’s Do This Thing Again

Make the first move

How many times has this happened after a great conversation:

“That was a great discussion. Feel good about what we talked about. We should do something sometime.”

You go home, think about how good of a conversation you had, and then go about doing whatever you usually do.

The moment passes and you don’t talk for 6 months.

The best intentions fall apart without confirmation. People get confused and our egos generally get the best of us ( “No one wants to hear from me” / “I don’t want to bother”  syndrome). No one benefits.

If the conversation went well, a simple, “let’s get this in the calendar” move (firing a follow-up email or verbalizing it) ensures the next step.

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