[bctt tweet=”At one point that would scare me, now it gives me calm when I get impatient. “]
Inner peace makes my stomach hurt. The idea of inner peace is lovely. For me, it’s the ability to reconcile any and every external and internal idea. It would signal a lot more peaceful nights and active days. But when I think about it, it brings me a lot of turmoil.
It starts with the future.
I look at the work in front of me and feel awful for not starting sooner. Looking at the pile feels like Mount Everest. Tallying up the external and internal future work is scary. What about the things ahead that I can’t account for? What happens when I get screwed?
Then I go backward.
I look back at the past and feel awful for the things I done.I’ve hurt people, I’ve done wrong, and I left people feeling awful. I think we’ve all done it, but that is never an excuse. I know I will want to do it again. Revenge always feels good in the moment.Getting the best of someone makes me feel alive – for the moment. Then I feel awful and start feeling sad.
After dealing with both, I try to reconcile that the present has nothing to do with either. Being present is the hardest because both the future and past tug at you, waiting to grab your energy and attention. Its standing between two people playing tug of war, just hoping they equal out for a moment’s peace.
So, the thought makes my stomach hurt. But that’s progress, I think. Recognizing the work ahead is the first step in getting something done.
I am currently rereading Prometheus Rising – and one thing I missed (embarrassingly) is that the exercises that Robert Anton Wilson suggest take years to complete, not weeks. Inner peace, or any semblance of it, isn’t present in the time it takes to read a book, but only through application, and these days dealing with the tug of war, will I even come close.
At one point that would scare me, now it gives me calm when I get impatient.
Maybe its closer to inner peace?
From the desk of Adam Thomas 