Tag: decision making

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Write Down Those Problems, And Why – Stat

I hold grudges

I don’t mean to, but I do.

Every time I get slighted, a small part of my memory holds on to it even though I tell myself it isn’t a big deal.

Then it builds.

Then I blow up at a family member for forgetting pickles on my burger.

One of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the last few years is that I am flawed. I hold on to things. I make lists in my head, and they won’t go away until resolved.

It is only in those last few years have I found a way that seems to help me keep perspective.

A problem list.

On that list, I’ll write (yes, physically write – this is important), what bothered me and do five whys to get to the bottom of the real why (this often leads to me realizing the pain wasn’t from them, but that is another post).

Next, I’ll write a proposed solution. This is something that I can do to rectify this (also necessary), and then my intention to talk to them the next time I see them, or, if it is that pressing, set up a phone call or coffee to sit down and discuss..

I find when I do this (and I don’t nearly do it enough), it stops me from holding a grudge. I move from emotionally charged narrative to problem-solving.

Funny, the problem list helps me stay away from a grudge list.

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Find the Problem First

STOP!

Do you know what the problem is?

Whatever it is, I think it is worth the effort to take a moment to understand it.

Humans bias towards action because the action is a signal. We think that action tells the world around us that we care.

Action can signal to:

  • Our stakeholders that we are paying attention.
  • The family that we care
  • Coworkers that we are trying

The thing is, most of the time, without understanding the problem, all that signaling is a shot in the dark. It may feel good and may make people happy, but looking at it months, and sometimes years later we realize we wasted time.

No matter how good action feels at the moment, it never feels good to know that you wasted time based on “signaling.”

What is the solution, then?

The solution is to fight against that urge. As a leader, it’s giving your team air cover so that they aren’t forced to come up with “something” at the moment, and that looks like explaining your process and gaining trust in the organization. If you prioritize ruthlessly and make promises that you keep, you’ve got a shot.

Remember, in every problem lies a solution.

 

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Make Decisions: Write it Down

Make your decisions on paper before telling them to others

I once heard that there is always 10% more “good” work than you can do.

Why?

Life comes at you fast. We have a ton of inputs that shapes our decisions. There is always something to do and a process to change.

If we allow it, we can change our minds until the cows come home, because we want to do impactful work.

Change seems to make this possible.

That is why we have to write our decisions down when we get to a possible conclusion.

There are several benefits:

Colin Powell once said you should act when you reach 70% of the information because 100% is a pipe dream.

I agree.

Get things out of your head to make things happen, because if you let a decision live there, you’ll spend more time working it out there than in the world. 

 

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Venting Leaves A Bad Memory

Venting doesn’t move us forward; it keeps us in place.

People tell you it’s ok to vent after a terrible event.
Someone says “Let it out, it’s ok,” while you wax poetically about some wrong.
It felt good. You got to say all the things they did (all while avoiding your hand in the situation) and your friend (with limited information) let you know how right you are.
Your brain marks this memory, and off you go, using your vent story as the memory of what happened.  This imprint is problematic.
  • It is difficult to understand the lessons learned with a self-told favorable story.
  • A friend supporting you backs up this version of events, making it that much harder to go back to things as they were.
 So here is a quick exercise on venting.

 Exercise

When you want to “vent” do the following:
  1. Go to a quiet place. Sit with yourself for a while; the next step is difficult.
  2. Write a timeline of events, stripping out all emotion.
  3. By each event, write what you did to cause that point to happen and write the other person.
  4. Leave it for an hour or so.
  5. Go back and write what you did. This second pass is critical because there is a high chance that the first pass sounds like venting.
  6. Find the lessons on your end.
This exercise is difficult and venting is not. Venting, however, doesn’t help you understand or make you better. Taking the time to do this exercise improves your decision-making, which means fewer opportunities to vent overall.
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Don’t Just Jump In: Outline First

Outline it all; it saves you time.

When I:

  • Sit down to write: I want to write it all out at once.
  • Start a business: I want to put together quickly the partnerships.
  • Start building an infrastructure: I want to get the systems in place immediately.

My first instinct is to follow the genius myth. Except, after I think about it, I remember –

When I:

  • Write all at once: it discourages me because I don’t know where the story goes.
  • Go for Partnerships early: I don’t know what I truly offer or better yet – even need).
  • Build out all the systems: most systems go unused, and I have to replace them.

The first thing I do as soon as I remember those memories is starting an outline.

An outline is a forcing function that makes me start to consider what I need. It deals with those problems I listed above.

When I outline:

  • I know where the writing is going, so I save time.
  • I see what I need from each partner, and if it is worth talking to that person.
  • See the systems and how they play with each other. 

Even if you are in a situation that leaves you with little time, outline. It helps you manage that time more efficiently, no matter the situation.

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Do It One More Time…

Don’t take in curated information once

What I mean by curated is that you’ve made a purposeful decision. Purposeful in the sense that “I clicked this video” or “I went to this conference.”It was a decision you’ve made.

Most engagements with information* have a ton of lessons, usually more than we can get in the first go-around. What is a way to get more out of what I got? 

Take some time away from the material, and then do it again. 

If you are a note taker, don’t bring the notes you have from the first session with you, draft a new set of notes for the second go.

What I find when I do this is that I see things in a completely different way, usually the way that is relevant now.   It’s a step towards understanding and away from skimming.

This sounds time intensive. It is.

The other half of this is understanding how to filter the good from the bad.

Then it requires a lot of “no.”

Your ROI jumps from your own decision making, and I think that’s worth it.

*Decent to good books usually hammer the same information over and over, so they are usually good for just one reading.

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What Happens If I Lock In?

My mind loves going in different directions.

I had several ideas on what to write today.

  • How to show up
  • Dealing with NYC racism
  • Surprises
  • Dealing with urges
  • Running away
  • The feeling after resting
  • Mentally being scrambled
  • Making your bed
  • The joy of oversleep
  • Idea #10

But nothing is sticking enough to put down. It isn’t that I have writers block, it’s that the ideas aren’t formulated enough to get put down. If I sat here any longer, I am sure I could come up with another 15 or 20 ideas to put down that interest me in the moment.

I want to try an experiment. I can’t run away from these ideas. I want to force myself to write to these ten ideas over the next ten days. I don’t want my mind to change in midstream.

How do I react when there are expectations, and I can’t maneuver as a writer to write what I want? The experiment begins now.

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Don’t Choose Option 3

What Do You Mean?

It’s hard to get out of your comfort zone. It takes a lot of energy to go past the map, After you’ve stretched yourself (physically, emotionally, financially etc) past the internal boundaries we resign ourselves to. It is never an easy journey.

At the end of that journey,  we have three options. there are two choices, each with a reward, along with a third, suckers choice that unfortunately we all too often go to.

The Three Options

  1. Rest and Recovery (R&R)  – You’ve just spent your willpower and energy. So now, you are worse at decision-making, physical activity, and food isn’t as flavorful (a good reason to eat the bland healthy stuff when you are here). The tricky part is recognizing when you are “back,” because I often screw up here and unintentionally go to option 3 when I need to stay and  rested.  If you want the full picture and if you want the new connections in the brain to stick, you need R&R.
  2. Keep Exploring – This is where things like “runners high” come from. We often think we are at our limits when we aren’t, and you won’t discover just how far you can go without experimenting. There are some risks involved – hurting yourself  (even permanently) is an option, so tread lightly. With that said, nothing is more exhilarating than “beating” your ego and it’s expectations. If you do pursue this option, please take an extra long look at option one, you are going to need it.
  3. “Back To Business As Usual” – This is the heartbreaking option. When we go through something that big, we often retreat back to where we just were. We move back on our “maps” and don’t take the time to figure out what happened. We don’t rest, we keep “hustling” and next thing we know, we are doing the same things we hate. Even worse, since we didn’t recover, we are not as sharp.  This is the suckers bet.  We often choose this because it feels safe, but because we do we often miss out on the great journeys in life.

Option three kills insight. Don’t choose option 3.

If you are thinking, why isn’t there an option 4 for transformation, don’t worry. If you don’t go backwards and you rest long enough – you start moving 🙂 

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Focus Decisions and Fear

Focus gets scary

Decision making is difficult, but when it happens, I’ve realized that I get better with focus. Putting my energy into something, especially with the “Do-Talk-Consume” principle, really digs deep. My life becomes engrossed in whatever discipline I choose. But, to pick that thing, I have to decide, and decisions come with a level of fear I don’t get when I decide to live with no boundaries.

Some of those fears.

  • The What fear – What if I don’t do this right, what if I am not good enough, what if I don’t do enough, what if I fail publicly, etc.
  • The Why fear – Why do I want this so bad, why is everyone doing this, why am I scared, why can’t this get easy, etc.
  • The How fear – How do I do this, how do I work, how does any of this work, how much is this going to cost, how much time, etc.
  • The Who fear – Who am I to do this, who chooses this, who will like this, who will get this, etc.
  • The When fear – When will I be done, when will I win, when will I lose, when will this pay off, etc.

Eventually I realize

We can’t do everything for everybody. Time is the only resource we have, and the only way we get to make that time count is if we sit down and work through the above fears. Each one of the questions runs through our minds when we decide to give something focus because we start abstaining from “all that life has to offer.” There is an opportunity cost with everything – things we accept  and things we don’t. The fear boils down to that.  The greatest truth is, we only have time. We have to make decisions to make that time count.

 

Note: The bold questions are the biggest offenders to me. 

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When You Debate Things,Think of The Debate As A River

debate

It’s best to think of a debate as a river.

When deciding what you want to do, you check the speed of the river, the length, and what other obstacles are in your way.

Then you are down to one of three options on your decision.

  • You can build a boat to bring people to your side.
  • Build a bridge to cross it yourself.
  • Stay on your side.

Each decision comes with its pro’s and cons. You decide which one is right. Every river is different, so its useless to pick one strategy and go with it.

Whatever you pick, it isn’t worth complaining or trying to think about the other options.

Once you make that decision, move on. If you need to readdress the issue, the river isn’t going anywhere. 

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