Tag: development

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Stop Them at the Ask

You can’t just say “no” to everyone.

It’s hard to say no to certain people. They usually come with titles such as “manager,” “CEO,” or “mom.”

As Bob Dylan sang, “We all have to serve somebody.” And the dynamics at play won’t allow an outright “no.”

That being said, these people want the best for you because it is in their best interest. Your success helps them look good and meet their goals. To work at your best, you have to say “no” to some things.

But, you are in the odd place of not being able to say “no” directly.

How can you navigate that?

I have an exercise that can help with this conundrum.

Exercise:

The plan is to ask to rank their needs and with that, get the prioritization to get the “no” you are looking for in any environment where you have to deal with an authoritative structure (i.e. the office)

  • When the “ask” happens, return the favor by asking a few questions:
    • What is the priority, on a 1 -10 basis?
    • When do you need this by?
    • What resources are available for this?
  • Say what you need to get her (the boss) away, and have an email ready that asks those questions again, along with a list of your current projects.
  • Ask where you want her to slot that new ask, and if any of this is can come off your “plate.”

 This exercise “stops them as they ask,” giving people the opportunity to redirect energy and remind them of what is important (something we all could use) at the same time.  It saves your energy so you can focus on what matters.

Win-win. 

 

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The Joy (and Work) of Maintaining Boredom Leading To Insight

Avoiding boredom

I first thought of boredom as a terrible thing. So, I would (and still do in some respect)seek out anything to keep my mind busy. I tried anything to keep the boredom away, so I would indulge in video games, Netflix, a magazine, call someone, text someone etc. Anything and everything that kept me “focused” and “on task,” no matter what that task was, seemed like progress.

However, nothing is worse than progress in the wrong direction, and making yourself do things for the sake of doing them often leads you in the wrong direction. After heading the wrong direction a few times ( uh oh, how did I end up in a pasta making class when I hate to cook),I had to think of something different. It didn’t reconcile with my idea that time is our only resource when I looked for specific things to do to waste it.

How do you stop that?

Maintaining boredom

I turned off everything, now there are no notifications on my phone, I beat the video games I planned on beating, and I avoided the “Netflix machine” (my TV). I decided that I was going to try to see what boredom brings. Instead of looking at learning how to slice tomatoes, I decided I would sit in my room and dedicate the time to absolutely nothing.

I turned on a YouTube speech I heard several times and just sat there (I cheated, but it’s a start). I recognized, rather quickly, that the brain is a rebel. When I tried to do nothing, a whole list of to-do’s appeared in my head. I thought about quests I didn’t complete in RPG’s, old work projects I never scuttled, and if I cleaned my sink correctly.

In short, any and everything that came up was a distraction.

What happened?

After sitting there for almost three hours doing mental gymnastics, something appeared and didn’t stop. I ended up recognizing my need to “minimalize,” and remove the stuff around me that I didn’t use anymore. I just shot a video on minimalism, and it didn’t surprise me that this came up.

After sitting there for some more time, I put it together. I had the why set in my head, and the impulse to start. I completed it.

This isn’t a story of me cleaning my apartment deeply, but something more interesting.

Why was the boredom important

What I didn’t see until I sat there was the reason I kept all of this stuff was because I wasn’t  moving on with my life. All of my old trinkets from my office littered my apartment. Most of it was stuff I didn’t use, didn’t need, and allowed me to feel comfortable with old ideas from the office.

The cleaning represented me stripping the extra weight from quitting and retrofitting the rest to help propel me into this new chapter. Those thoughts lived under (no pun intended) all my other ideas, and colored my decision-making since I quit. Since I did it, I feel amazing and now the old stuff I had is now fitting in my life now.

I couldn’t have gotten there without dealing with the boredom I had.

 I am fully free to start this new chapter.

 

Giving Away Books

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Some Things Professionalism Is

Professionalism has a wide berth

Yesterday I went over some byproducts of professionalism, but not professionalism itself. I did that because I am a huge fan of subtraction. Getting rid of the stuff around you is a great way to increase focus, and by focusing on what professionalism isn’t is a chance to increase the focus.

So, once you’ve read that post, take on this one.

The great thing about adding things with focus is that you can experiment. I’ve seen professionals in a lot of disciplines, and a lot of their habits are different. Since I have that experience, this is by no means an exhaustive list. There are just too many things I see professionals do. With that said, I consistently see these three behaviors.

These are the three behaviors

Rituals – Rituals get professionals in a mood to work. The great thing about rituals is that they are anything you want. Maya Angelou famously got a hotel room to sit in and work. Twyla Tharp gets a cab every morning to work out.  George Gershwin wouldn’t take off his pajamas when he sat to compose. Rituals work – because they get you to execute without expending precious willpower. [Read this: Daily Rituals: How Artists Work]

Questions – Professionals question as often as they need. Questions bring understanding, allowing the professional to see boundaries.  If you take what someone gives you without investigation and you allow fear to creep in and take over your decision-making (by not asking questions) then it’s the opposite of professional. [Read this: A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas]

Respect – Professionals use respect to build relationships. Respect people’s trust, time, and energy. Saying thanking, having gratitude, keeping negative energy away, and most importantly, listening all give professionals the chance to keep the people around him feeling and working well.   [Read this: Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone]



It takes some time


I’ve had trouble with all three of those behaviors throughout my life.  I am striving to add more professionalism in my life daily. They aren’t easy to maintain, especially when trouble strikes. I’ve noticed, though, if I follow those three things, I get through troubling situations with much less headache. To keep them up, through, I have to stay vigilant and recognize that when they do fall apart, how can I  get back on and get back to work.


The great thing is, this isn’t an exhaustive list. Some professionals are big on calendars, some are big on assistants, some need to run every day, and some need to get some Call of Duty gaming time in. There are a ton of behaviors that make professionals tick.  That gives you a wide berth to try things out, understand your own ticks, and build on this list to make your own professional chart.


But, there is no better place to start than the list above. If you want to become truly professional start here.  


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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The Noise

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			


How scary is it to run towards the noise?


We(human beings)  don’t like to run towards the trouble. Most of our lives build on avoiding it. We live with warnings from several people, always telling us that the end of the world is near, especially if you decide to investigate whatever that noise is.  Because of that, we end up growing a certain amount of cynicism towards the noise, and anyone who decides to try to figure it out.  In turn, we soon become the people who warn others about the noise, creating a cycle.


It is a huge reason most of us feel trapped, even with no cage around us.


What is the noise?


It is something that is extremely hard to pinpoint, but something we all have. It’s the question we don’t want to ask out of fear of rocking the boat, or its the meeting we don’t want to deny because it’s a waste of time(and denying it would piss someone off), or the blog we swear we are going to write because the world needs to hear us.


The noise is what makes every human unique, and why if you know how to connect to it, every single conversation you have is interesting. That noise is the thing that makes us unique.


I think we all have a noise inside of us but kids showcase it the best.


It doesn’t have to end though


It’s very active when we are young. That noise compels us to ask questions, explore, and talk to anyone.  It leads us down roads often considered “odd.” I think kids make us smile because we see it, and we think it is alright for them to have it. It doesn’t hurt us to see someone so young with it, because they don’t remind us of ourselves yet. They are free.


But later on, we tell them to kill it, to fit in, to “act right.”  They miss out on the grand insight from it, and it only gets to come out at random intervals of inspiration.


It’s a shame, because it usually grants great innovation. But luckily, it’s never to late.


Start listening.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Silence Isn’t Golden, Is It?

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
Silence


Silence isn’t golden, right?


Most organizations I’ve seen have rules that reward silence. People discuss things like an open door policy, but in practice, it rarely happens. The idea of more communication ends up on the development plan, discussed in a few emails, and then as work comes in, things return to what they once were.


Why do people say things like that then? Is it because it sounds good? Are people lying when they talk about that?


I don’t think so.


In my experience, teams get the marching orders from the leader. Most of the time, this communication is non verbal. This is counter intuitive at first, until you realize most of the communication we get is nonverbal.


Far too often are we ready to accept the idea that we talk our way through things without some vulnerability some available to lie out on the table and turn it on ourselves.


So, where does vulnerability play into this?


Leaders have to understand that people follow action and the inertia that it creates.  If you want a high level of communication, you lead by example. Poke, prod, emote, discuss, and use any other tool or method to get the people around you talking.


This looks foolish at first, it makes you vulnerable. It’s scary to push the people around you. It also requires some empathy. Press too hard, or the wrong way, and your employees might hate you.


Place to start?


The easiest way to start is to generate an environment where questions aren’t the exception, they are the norm. This starts with you asking questions and soliciting as much as possible.


As scary as it sounds, I am willing to bet that the people around you are itching to answer questions. It is a key way to build trust. Once people trust, communication automatically grows.


Note: Please prepare the people around you on your plan to do this. Nothing breaks trust like “gotcha” questions because they lead to embarrassment. Give out some homework and trust the process.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Don’t Apologize Too Much

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
When I was younger, I would apologize a lot.


Like most, I assumed that more meant better, so if I said sorry long enough, I would address the issue. I got to wipe my hands clean and we get to move on.


When I started working for and working with people, I began to understand just how wrong this was.  Just saying sorry is inadequate, and after a certain point, is just offensive. Sorry isn’t a magic word that lets you off the hook.


What makes people feel better is knowing that you both understand what bothered them and your assurance that it will change. A sorry doesn’t do that.


What does, however, is a task that takes more work than a sorry, and that’s a plan that goes with it.


Laying out what you think, along with adding detail is a way to show people you care. Not only because it takes time, but it forces you to think over the mistake.


Some questions to ask:


    

  • What am I apologizing for?
    • 

  • Why did it happen?
    • 

  • How can we (include the other person, an offense is a two-way street) make sure this doesn’t happen again?
    • 



Once you have this down, think of a way to carry out this going forward.


This is much harder than just saying sorry because you see why the other person gets offended. We hate to think of ourselves as wrong, and this exercise puts us in that uncomfortable place. Even so, learning about the other person, and figuring out how we went wrong, help us grow just as much as the other person.


We don’t get to decide if people feel hurt. But, we do decide how we make them, and ourselves, feel better. We all make mistakes, but learning through them separates the people who grow and those who stay stagnant.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	



	




			

		





	

		

	

		
		

		
		



		
	


	
	



 


		 	
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