effect – From the desk of Adam Thomas

Acknowledge the Emotions

When we speak, we intend to have it perceived in a certain way. That is one track. If we are effective communicators, the message we send gets recognized the way we mean it too.

Effective communication is difficult and requires more than just making sure you use the “right words.” Emotions, among other things, have to be acknowledged as well.

Emotions are a layer on our perception and frame how we see the world.

If we don’t acknowledge them, our emotions can hijack a conversation. The hijacking happens subtly and creates what I call the two-track effect.

The two-track effect is when communication occurs between two parties, and they walk away from it with two wildly different perceptions of the outcome. At some point, effective communication stopped, and the message got on a different track then speaker thinks.

The two-track effect compounds. If left alone, it can destroy relationships and culture.

Don’t do it

Yesterday I shared something on Facebook that I didn’t agree with. In my post, I stated that the article below wasn’t good. It was standard, trivial, click bait nonsense. I thought that I was sharing a lesson.

People shared it and I thought I was doing the world some good. I started looking at the shares.

Uh oh.

People were taking the article as helpful. They didn’t see my warning, they just started sharing.

In my “hate share,” I propagated the article to the world around me. It was a mistake.

Then I realized, we do the same thing when we “vent.” We intend to warn, but when others tell the story, they usually get it wrong. You end up putting people on to something that doesn’t help them grow. They share the click bait and not the warning.

When we “let out steam,” we do so in an emotional state.

This has some after effects:

We put the emotion on a treadmill, letting it run around our lives. Anger doesn’t solve much in such an uncontrolled state, it goes back to “fight or flight.”
Introducing something to your social group that doesn’t help them. They might share something from it that wasn’t your intent.

“Venting” doesn’t vent the bad feelings out, it pushes them into other parts of your life.