Tag: Ego

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Short-term / Long-term

I’ve been going to the gym for almost a year now.

One of the things I’ve noticed with going to the gym regularly is how ego can affect my long-term plan. Ego screams for short-term benefits without considering the greater good, and we end up suffering.

Weights are an example. I can look impressive by stacking a ton of weight on a barbell and lifting it. My ego feels great. People see how strong I am and I may even beat a personal record.

Great. Except without proper preparation, I increase the risk of injury and increase my recovery time. I look good short-term publically, suffer long-term privately.

Our work tends to go the same way. Doing an all-nighter, making everyone happy, or any other ego driving activity makes you feel good short-term publicly, but long-term you end up burning yourself out in private.

Don’t sacrifice your mission for short-term success, even if it feels right at the moment. Maybe, especially if it feels right at the moment.

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Sometimes You Shouldn’t “Trust Your Gut”

Your gut may be ego

  • “I’ve been doing this for X amount of years.”
  • “We’ve done this forever.”
  • “What do you know, I founded this company.”

Whenever I hear these phrases, or things close to them, I know that a follow-up question usually ends in “instinct,” meaning they are relying on gut rather than facts.

That is fine. Sometimes, that can lead you to victory.

I’d ask you though, to recognize sometimes you aren’t crunching old memories in your head like artificial intelligence. Sometimes, you are looking at the messenger and doing an ego check. It’s less “I’m running on experience” and more “who is he to tell me this.”

If it is, you might want to take a breath and listen because it is a sign of entropy.

If they are wrong, correct them and help them grow.

 

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We All Lawyered Up

Saving ourselves

Sometimes, when we hear things we don’t want to engage with, we decide to “lawyer up.”

What does that mean?

Well, have you ever been in discussion with someone and they are angry?

It seems like they can never hear enough proof. No matter how many sources, books, or people you quote, link, or bring in. It is never enough.

They have decided to “lawyer up.” The emotional part of the brain has taken over, and they won’t give it up.

Unless you have to, it is best to leave that person alone. They aren’t going to change the lawyer won’t let them.

Don’t worry; it is a human to do so. Our brains like to win. Sometimes, it is by any means necessary.

The best thing you can do is have compassion for them.

How?

You do it too.

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Don’t Go Lifeless

It won’t help 

It is easy to go “lifeless” after an argument.

It’s like watching a “shield” go up.

Unfortunately, even though we protect ourselves from the outside, we “keep” what is inside.

Instead of resolving that emotion, it festers, building energy. From here, it can take control without us even “knowing” it.

Instead of going lifeless, take a breath, and engage.

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Being Wrong Hurts

Don’t run from the hurt

There is a stinging sensation that happens to me when I’m wrong

I get the stinging at the back of my head, and it makes my face twist.

I’ve recognized that as my ego doing a mad dash to my nervous system, trying to figure out a way to get out of “wrong.”

Maybe I could talk over, or bring up something from the past where they were wrong? Perhaps I can use my rank to quiet them down or get passive aggressive.

There are a million ways my ego can figure out to “win.”

Except there is no winning.

The right thing to do is to breathe. Take in that information and recognize that it isn’t about winning or losing; it’s about growth.

Breathe, and recognize my ego flaring up, get curious about why I am resisting and prepare to close the gaps in my knowledge.

Then, it’s back to work.

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Is it falsifiable?

Just cut through the nonsense

If you want to discuss, argue, or debate a topic, it is helpful to ask each other how you could be wrong.

This question, “is it falsifiable?” lets you know, immediately, if someone is curious or if they just want to vent.

Venting doesn’t help you reflect; it just keeps you on an emotional treadmill.

If no one knows how they could be wrong, it’s functionally the same as venting.If it can’t “be wrong” then there is no room for the discussion to develop. At best, you stop at a brick wall. At worst, you say hurtful things and damage the relationship.

If it can’t “be wrong” then there is no room for the discussion to develop. At best, you stop at a brick wall. At worst, you say hurtful things and damage the relationship.

If they can’t answer “is it falsifiable?” just walk away.

You’ll save yourself a lot of time.

On the flip side, you better be able to answer it too.

Their ego isn’t the only one in the room.

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Ego is Isolation

When you “rise above,” you go alone

Ego is tricky.

It takes on many forms. It starts as confidence, then can turn into many things, including pride, arrogance, and fear.

Its goal, when unchecked, is to separate us from everyone else, to make us “special.”

This idea means we aren’t special because of our contributions or special because of the value we create. This idea is where real specialty lies.

Instead, we swear that our uniqueness comes from disconnection. This train of thought is dangerous.

That separation divides us from the energy, knowledge, and appreciation of everyone else. We lose it. Although we don’t separate physically (we still exist in our space) we miss the tools to help us become self-aware or set direction.

As a leader, this separation is stagnation.

Don’t get stuck in this place.

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The Dinner Party (or Networking Event)

Don’t fall into the trap

Dinner parties have their place. They are perfect for connecting with like minds. Good food and, hopefully, great wine encourage conversations.

To be a great guest at a dinner party requires:

  1. Have a short, effective narrative about yourself.
  2. Two or three stories that focus on that story.

These two things are hard to do. To master those two elements takes years of practice, and it is worth doing.

Great things can start at dinner parties.

They seldom, however, finish there.

You can impress people with Jeopardy Knowledge (seemingly useless knowledge that always impresses people) at those parties because you’ll rarely need context to tell a great story. It is great for the ego. A few laughs and you are out of there.

However, the next time you sit down with the people you’ve met at that party, the setting has shifted. If you retreat to telling those stories, you are wasting both your time and theirs.

Relationships begin at dinner parties. Afterward, they grow, and the growth starts with your follow-up. That is where you can “go long.”

The beauty of a long form follow-up is the power to ask questions. You can go deep.There is an opportunity to say “I don’t know” and grow.

Don’t waste that chance to go “long” by protecting your ego.

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Protect Your Ego or Encourage Progress

Being wrong is uncomfortable, so we protect ourselves.

Our minds will do anything not to feel the sting of being wrong.

This point is important to remember when you work on a project where you feel a connection.

Whenever you ask for other opinions or subject a project to the market, things might not function the way you thought they would.

Accept that.

Then decide what you want to protect, ego or progress.

  • Ego – Hide. Double down. Blame.
  • Progress – Discuss. Pivot. Accept.

Think of it this way, either you protect your ego, or you defend progress.

You can’t do both.

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The Finish Line

Shall I cross?

The obvious question is the first one (seen above). Once we get closer to the finish line, another question awaits us.

Is it worth it?

In a calm place, like where you are most likely reading this, the answer is simple, “yes.”

However, when we are in the thick of things, closing out a project, we do all sorts of mental calculus to figure out if crossing the finish line is worth our time.

Some of the questions we ask ourselves include:

  • How will I look?
  • What is everyone going to think?
  • Who am I to do this?

Often, the hardest part of a problem is starting to solve it. After that, it is finishing. The curses of “being perfect” and “is it the best” can stop us in our tracks.

Our minds crave comfort and normalcy. The minute we decide to provide something new to the world, we fly in the face of that.

It comes with an emotional, mental cost. We have chosen to choose growth over stagnation. Nothing is free.

The truth is, those questions above, and many others, don’t matter. Learning how to conquer those does.

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