I once heard great advice.
“One should always be wary when presented with a binary choice.”
That is to say, if you have an “either/or,” where it can only be “this way or that way,” you need to be careful; there is probably more to learn.
Why is this important?
When talking about feelings, I usually hear one of two options:
- Fight them
- Resign yourself to them
This is the two option trap. As convenient as it is to split the world into black and white, there are side effects to such thinking.
In this example, you left yourself two options. Both create “sides” and through that, one side has to win, and the other has to lose. Win-loss scenarios are a breeding ground for hiding.
We don’t have to hide.
There are more options when we deal with our emotions, like cooperation.
People think cooperating and resigning are the same. They aren’t.
When one resigns themselves to feelings, they let them run free. With that freedom, they are unpredictable and controlling.
When one cooperates, they create boundaries, validating those feelings but not letting them control. There is no battle. One can listen.
And when you listen, neither side has to hide.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 