Tag: energy

No Is Powerful, So Figure Out The Balance

Post author By jrlsage
Post date January 10, 2016

Go Get It?

When I grew up, my parents instilled a sense of need in me. I had to “go get it”, find opportunity, any opportunity, and say yes to it. Keep what you have, give what you can spare, and make sure before you walk, the way is firm before you go.

It is wise advice in the world they grew up in, especially as Black Americans. No is a word saved for yourself. Spare it for the worse of the worst. Yes is a word that gets you far.

But that “no” word is just as powerful

No is the s**t

No is a very powerful word.

It’s power lies in the way it denies.

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

― Steve Jobs

I can’t say it better than Steve Jobs there. While yes is the word that lets us go and attempt the world breaking things around us, saying yes too much doesn’t give us the chance to focus.

No is the word that allows us that focus.. It allows us to be proactive. It gives us the energy to make the impossible possible. It to the email that just came in means I can spend time on this blog post.

No to the last text means I can shoot this video. Denying that Facebook fight (bad conflict) means that I get the chance to get to the next great idea that will push my idea further.

So why avoid it

“No” means that you have to decide. Decisions are hard. “Yes” generally makes people happy, allows you to kick the can, and not think about things fully.

When you have to create priority, that’s when life gets tricky, because you could end up picking the wrong thing. People use that as ammo against others. Its awful, but it happens.

But that’s the price of ingenuity. It takes being uncomfortable to get there.

The next time you find yourself saying yes all the time, ask yourself these questions:

What am I afraid of?
What really happens when I say no?
Is it worth cutting off the other things I have on my plate?

Tags avoid, energy, Focus, no, steve jobs

Blog Post

Don’t Apologize More Than Once – It’s Self Pity

Post author By jrlsage
Post date November 22, 2015

Don’t apologize more than once.

It isn’t that people don’t want to hear you apologize, they do – but after a while, an apology turns into self-pity.

That self-pity then keeps you locked in to the mistake. Replaying that event in your mind isn’t helpful and a waste of energy.

Better to take that energy and invest in looking for solutions.

Tags energy, pity, solution

Blog Post

Humiliation Stinks – But Wasting Energy Is Worse

Post author By jrlsage
Post date October 27, 2015

[bctt tweet=”There is no revenge worse than self revenge”]

Humiliation stinks. For me, it is worse than embarrassment. Being embarrassed comes with a confidence cost, but for me, it means that I made a mistake and I have to find a way to fix it. I can turn embarrassment into a puzzle solved, and when it’s solved, it becomes a wonderful story told at dinner parties or presentations or comedy. I lose, then I win, and then we all enjoy. Humiliation is when its unfair – I didn’t make a mistake but I am suffering as if I did. I don’t know why I suffer, but I do. It seeps into the rest of your day.

I’ve taken my humiliation out on the people around me before. I’ve made a mental note to “get revenge”. I’ve smiled and wished ill on people. But recently, I’ve taken a step back and realized that how I take the humiliation is more of a reflection on my pain, and not of the other person.

In short, my perspective is wrong.

Now, the hardest part of finding this out is realizing that there is no revenge worse than self revenge, and that’s the type of revenge I went for these years. It is a lot easier to shut down and start trying to get “after it” instead of turning the other cheek. I feel protected when I shield myself. When I close in, no one can hurt me any more, in fact, now “its time to turn the tables”.

But I wasn’t turning the tables. When you shut down, you only turn on yourself. No one feels the hurt more than you do. Even on the “get back”, even when “I’ve won”, I never felt better. The event still sits with me. Self revenge is letting your energy waste away on these things. Large amounts of energy spent on the past leads no where.

When you shut down, you shut off yourself. You see with your brain, not with your eyes. By covering up, I kept that energy with me. I made myself worse with the stress. Instead of opening up with a curious mind, I shut down, replaying the humiliation and figuring out how to get back. We all have limited energy, by holding on to that humiliation, I am wasting mine.

Tags energy, humiliation, opportunity

Blog Post

Compartmentalizing into a Broken Dam and Wasted Energy

Post author By jrlsage
Post date August 26, 2015
No Comments on Compartmentalizing into a Broken Dam and Wasted Energy

[bctt tweet=”Our emotions are like water. No matter how hard we try to keep them out of the other parts of our lives, they get through.”]

Compartmentalizing has two major flaws. It is a mental form of multi tasking and it creates emotional dams.

When we see ourselves multi task, the focus is on how many things , but you often miss just how much energy expended on overhead. Doing multiple things at once isn’t free, and you pay the price of juggling by being worse than if you gave them your full attention. When I compartmentalized, I saw this happen and I haven’t been aware of the consequences until recently.

You can champion bad habits, and I loved to champion my compartmentalization. For me, it meant that I could experience different social circles, but the overhead was rarely being myself. When I was younger, I tried to separate the geek side from things I thought were socially acceptable. I became good at both sides. If I got in a conversation about basketball, the civil war, or the Konami code, I can engage.

I got to understand trends, even while having a social life, but internally I suffered. The cost of compartmentalizing was a disconnect that weighs on me right now.I got to experience a ton of things, but since I never fully invested in anything, I missed opportunities to connect fully with people, and I regret that.The gap between the two groups of friends is huge. The friends from either side have never met, to this day. But even more, I missed an opportunity to connect with myself.

[bctt tweet=”Doing multiple things at once isn’t free, and you pay the price of juggling by being worse than if you gave them your full attention.”]

I haven’t stopped as an adult. I compartmentalize daily and now more than ever, I see the problem of the emotional dam cracking. Our emotions are like water. No matter how hard we try to keep them out of the other parts of our lives, they get through. The walls represent wasted energy and even worse, they hold the emotional water until it overflows or the dam cracks. For me, when the dam bursts, I work towards self sabotage until I get the dam rebuilt, which takes energy and leaves me in a worse place than when I started.

By being honest, and taking down those walls, that water can drain safely and we save our energy.

Tags compartmentalize, energy, Habits

Blog Post

Energy Management

We all have limited energy. Nothing can run forever. There is a sunrise and a sunset. As with life, there is a process to all energy, and once that process completes, that energy is gone. This was daunting to me when I first thought of it. I knew that energy had a limit, but I didn’t recognize how much of how I feel and my energy levels played throughout my day. I tried to handle everything at once, and because I tried to do everything – nothing got done. It was frustrating, but a part of regular life. My reasoning is that I could just put it back on the list and knock out multiple things when I get free. My energy levels didn’t matter as much as my “will” to get things done.

There are two sides of this equation though. Taking care of yourself makes your energy levels soar. I am recognizing I am not doing the other side justice. I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat well, I don’t exercise. I affect my limits just because I don’t take care of myself.

I didn’t make it a point to follow thorough, I just thought I would be able to bulldozer my way through with will and focus. Although there are ways to recharge and hold on to that energy throughout the day, I didn’t use them. Tools like checklists and power naps restore, but I thought I didn’t need them.

What I didn’t realize was, everything took energy. Each thought, each action, each plan all took energy. Rescheduling took energy. All these things took from my limited store of energy. When I reached a limit, when I got done, nothing else did. I wasn’t scheduling things or operating on the top of my game. I didn’t realize this is like betting on adrenaline when you’re in a foot race. The adrenaline can make some amazing things happen, but it isn’t controllable. You cannot will adrenaline into yourself.

Making good things happen, instead of waiting for them to happen, rely on proper energy management. The first step for proper energy management, is awareness.

Tags energy, management, will