Tag: failure

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Some Things Professionalism Is

Professionalism has a wide berth

Yesterday I went over some byproducts of professionalism, but not professionalism itself. I did that because I am a huge fan of subtraction. Getting rid of the stuff around you is a great way to increase focus, and by focusing on what professionalism isn’t is a chance to increase the focus.

So, once you’ve read that post, take on this one.

The great thing about adding things with focus is that you can experiment. I’ve seen professionals in a lot of disciplines, and a lot of their habits are different. Since I have that experience, this is by no means an exhaustive list. There are just too many things I see professionals do. With that said, I consistently see these three behaviors.

These are the three behaviors

Rituals – Rituals get professionals in a mood to work. The great thing about rituals is that they are anything you want. Maya Angelou famously got a hotel room to sit in and work. Twyla Tharp gets a cab every morning to work out.  George Gershwin wouldn’t take off his pajamas when he sat to compose. Rituals work – because they get you to execute without expending precious willpower. [Read this: Daily Rituals: How Artists Work]

Questions – Professionals question as often as they need. Questions bring understanding, allowing the professional to see boundaries.  If you take what someone gives you without investigation and you allow fear to creep in and take over your decision-making (by not asking questions) then it’s the opposite of professional. [Read this: A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas]

Respect – Professionals use respect to build relationships. Respect people’s trust, time, and energy. Saying thanking, having gratitude, keeping negative energy away, and most importantly, listening all give professionals the chance to keep the people around him feeling and working well.   [Read this: Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone]



It takes some time


I’ve had trouble with all three of those behaviors throughout my life.  I am striving to add more professionalism in my life daily. They aren’t easy to maintain, especially when trouble strikes. I’ve noticed, though, if I follow those three things, I get through troubling situations with much less headache. To keep them up, through, I have to stay vigilant and recognize that when they do fall apart, how can I  get back on and get back to work.


The great thing is, this isn’t an exhaustive list. Some professionals are big on calendars, some are big on assistants, some need to run every day, and some need to get some Call of Duty gaming time in. There are a ton of behaviors that make professionals tick.  That gives you a wide berth to try things out, understand your own ticks, and build on this list to make your own professional chart.


But, there is no better place to start than the list above. If you want to become truly professional start here.  


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Failures Lead To Different Opportunities

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
Learning things can hurt – failures happen.


There is a cost for getting involved with making things. You will fail. It will hurt. There is no avoiding it. No matter how much you try to soften the blow, one is going to come.


The great thing is, if you whether it, you become that much better at creating. But there lies the tough part, failure hurts, and sometimes our ego can’t take it. It is a lot easier to sit on the sidelines and protect ourselves.  It goes double if it happens early, when you don’t have success. It is easy to wonder if any of it is even worth the hassle.


So, if you are facing some sort of hurt, and you are wondering if it is worth it to keep going, I am going to let you in on a secret. My content creation journey all started in a failure. And I don’t write without thinking about it.


 


My first failure


I started writing for someone other than myself in 2007, when I got the opportunity to write at Allhiphop.com as a junior writer. I was fresh eyed and bushy-tailed. This was clear because during my first assignment, when instead of writing one review, I ended up writing three.  I was happy just existing there.


So, when I got a few things published, I wanted to spread my wings. I got an opportunity to do so with a young fledgling video game magazine. I thought it was a perfect opportunity, matching my love of gaming with my increased writing skill.


It ended up being one of my first public failures.


Things aren’t what they seem


When I arrived, or as much as you can do at an online magazine, I couldn’t wait to get started. Soon, after pitching a few stories, they made an offer to become a partner. I couldn’t imagine my fortune, but what I didn’t see was that I walked into a mess. Instead of a stable format, things kept changing. The editorial kept switching. There was no vision.


I started to try to just write.


That wasn’t good enough. With my elevated status, they weren’t looking for a partner, they were looking for someone to add responsibility with no power to effect change. Instead of growing together, they wanted a glorified gopher. I don’t just add ideas, as a partner, I wanted to add direction. This created friction with the other two partners.


Before you get involved with anything, make sure you check the framework. When you get your car back from someone else, it is best to kick the tires.


This turns into a long story but…


The end of it is me being ousted from the partnership with nothing. I wasted time and energy. It wasn’t pretty either. My confidence was dashed. Luckily, I still had Allhiphop. I got better there, and ended up climbing to a senior writer.


Also, I learned enough to start The Gamer Studio – which I led to getting sold in 2013. I couldn’t have gotten there with my first gaming magazine experience. And that is the point. Even when failure gets you down, understand that in each failure lies the experience that will push you forward.


 



		
	

		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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5 Books I Recommend To End 2015

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			


I read a lot




As the video points out, I’ve read almost 100 books this year.  Like anything else that you do creatively, there are good, bad and ugly.


In the spirit of the time of year, I will spare you the bad and ugly, and present just the good. There is a lot of books that I haven’t captured here that are wonderful.  Take a look at my Goodreads account and tweet me and I’ll give you a review on the book, or follow my Instagram account, where I leave book reviews to get an idea if a book will work for you.


First, I give the honorable mentions, a quick look at 5 books that I find tremendous and are surefire hits on my reread list. Then the top 5 books that changed my perspective.


Honorable Mention Books


Art of Learning Josh Waitzkin [Recommended by Tim Ferriss] – Critical guide to learning how to master any skill. Thinking of doing something new in 2016, pick this one up first.


Decisive Dan Heath & Chip Heath [Recommended by Shane Parrish]  – Learn how to make decisions, and make them well.


Freedom From The Known Jiddu Krishnamurti [Recommended by Zo Williams] – In order to learn about something new, completely new, you have to get comfortable with the idea that you don’t know.  All of this starts with self. This is a great primer.


The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph Ryan Holiday [ Recommended by Jason Mowatt]  – While freedom from the known is a great way to pick up the big picture – This one is a fantastic primer on how to deal with the here and now. A catalyst for some experimentation I am doing (don’t worry, I will share the results of course)


Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future Peter Thiel  [Recommended by James Altucher] – Concepts concepts concepts. This is a go to book for anyone looking to build something that matters. If you’ve ever asked for my opinion on your idea, chances are one of my questions comes from this book.


 


Top 5 Books- no particular order, all must reads.


Antifragile Nassim Nicholas Taleb [Recommended by Shane Parrish] – Great books change the path of your life, I think this one did for me.  Antifragile discusses the idea of antifragility or, the idea of friction improving something, as opposed to things that are fragile, where friction destroys it. This book is full of wisdom, delivered in Nassim’s trademark brash style. At first, I considered it to effect just my financial decisions, until I realized that this idea is something that all decisions should go through, eventually slowing down and stopping my idea of getting an MBA.


You Can’t Make Me Angry Paul O. [ Recommended by Maria Popova ] – When I first bought this book, I thought it looked awful. The outside is that cheap laminate that bad workplace materials use  and the design is terrible. But, I bought it after looking at Brain Pickings and Daring Greatly(the next book) did a ton for me. I am glad I did. This book, in plain English, forces you to take a look at your anger, and understand the control you cede by letting that anger run rampant. I changed how I dealt with my emotions after reading this, and become a much happier person.


Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Brene Brown [Recommended by Maria Popova] As soon as I read this, I bought her entire bibliography. This book is that powerful. Brene Brown connects all the lessons such as dealing with vulnerability, how shame hurts in every situation, and beating ourselves leads no where with personal stories(where she leaves it out there) and anecdotes backed by tremendous research. By practicing what she preached in a book where she didn’t have to, she changed my life for the better. This book is the catalyst for improving my relationships everywhere in my life.


Prometheus Rising Robert Anton Wilson [Recommended by Zo Williams] – Mysticism always seemed a little woowoo to me. I just believed in science(rationalization), and as a kid, I turned my back on religion when I noticed what it did to people. So, when I got this book recommendation, I let it sit on the shelf and did what I usually do when I procrastinate – head to YouTube. After listening to Robert Anton Wilson on YouTube for a few clips, I realized the depth of his intelligence and started reading. He lays out an incredibly insightful book regarding the world of the spiritual, and more importantly, he gives you the ammunition to question, not just what you know but what he says. This book is full of experiments (some are time-consuming, I read this months ago and I still work through them) and humor. It also got me to realize that complete rationalization is a religion itself. Before picking this up, I thought all that stuff was mumbo jumbo – now I recognize that I don’t know – which is the greatest gift of all.


Becoming Richard Pryor  Scott Saul[Recommended by Reddit] – Richard Pryor is one of my favorite comedians. It often amazes me that as a kid born after his prime, I can still look back on his routines and laugh. I fancy myself a Pryorphile – I pick up everything I can on him.   So, when I got this book from a Reddit secret Santa I know I had to read it.  This book goes into great detail, covering stretches of his life that are rarely talked about (his childhood) or stuff of legend (His Berkeley time)  where most programs and books are happy to just scan over.The result is a masterful book, soul crushing and inspiring all at the same time, toeing a great line painting Pryor as a person turned an awful childhood into something the world enjoyed, but never quite shaking that self-destructive behavior around the people closest to him. Any fan of comedy should pick this up, but stretch before you do (It’s the biggest book on this list).


 


The giving season is finishing up


But don’t neglect yourself. Reading is compound knowledge that compounds. All ten are worth your time.  Take some time to expand your abilities by sitting down with a great book, and if you need any more recommendations, feel free to reach out to me on Twitter @TheHonorableAT and lets talk.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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What Steph Curry Teaches Me About Confidence Willpower and Preparedness

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
confidence


The ball isn’t going to fall every time


Steph Curry, known as the best shooter in the NBA, now holds a field goal(baskets made) percentage of 48%.


That guy that you see on Sportscenter every night making that basket fall, doesn’t make it half the time. And he is the best.


Confidence, Preparedness, Willpower


So, how does he make it look easy? First, he feels like every shot is going to go in. He has confidence that he will make everything he shoots, and he only hits it half the time. He knows that it wont, but he feels that it is. He decides to have real confidence in himself, every time he launches one of those threes that get our attention on the highlight. How did he get there? Being ready.


Preparedness lead him to the that confidence. He has practiced his shot since he was extremely young. His father, also a great NBA shooter, had him doing pregame warmup at 7 years old. He keeps that prepared attitude before games, as you see him always working on that shot.




He never rests on his laurels either, even in practice, taking every opportunity.




How does he keep that up, even as the best? Will.


It’s easy to rest when people are calling you the best. It’s easy to slack off, take the endorsement deals, go to the club, get the contract and cruise. The problem with all that, is that you don’t stay the best. People often get this flipped. They think its easy to go into the gym when you are the man, but often, that’s when you fall under the most pressure.


You aren’t going to win all the time, so keep hustling


The idea above is that even with all that training, Steph doesn’t even make half of his shots. You have to keep pushing. The idea of winning every time is a dangerous one, and stops us from experimenting. Once we got some experimentation down, the ideas of confidence, preparation, and will move us further down the line.


Don’t lean on perfection. Keep shooting, and you could cook too.


 


 


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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3 Reflective Ideas I Got From Playing Starcraft 2

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
[bctt tweet=” If we focus,our failures turn into pressure, not pain. “]


Took a break from gaming for a few months, no particular reason, other than time got in the way.


Recently, I changed that.


I got inspired to try to reconnect to playing video games as a reward, instead of an escape. The results have been great so far – I spent the weekend playing Starcraft 2, and entered into a flow state, something I haven’t had outside of coffee shop in a long time.


One of the great things about Starcraft 2 is that it tracks EVERYTHING.


Resources, army growth, even actions per minute are given to you, objectively, after every game. The game collects your averages. It rates your AI opponent against your skill. Even your replays become available immediately after playing.


There is a lot of insight in the data, and it goes beyond the game.


Playing Starcraft enough (I played about 20 games this weekend) laid some of my weaknesses bare.


 


    

  • I let things lapse – During games, I let my resource collection lapse when I thought I did enough. This made me a one punch player. Meaning – if I didn’t land my first assault, I ended up in serious trouble. Little things matter here.
    • 

  • I leap before I look – I know planning isn’t the end all be all, but I didn’t use bright rules when engaging. This left me swinging wildly sometimes.
    • 

  • Gathering to gather –  Instead of seeing resources as means to an end, sometimes I found myself just gathering. Those resources mean nothing if they aren’t being used.
    • 



The great thing about having everything recorded is that I got to see this real-time. Then I got to investigate my replays.


[bctt tweet=”One of the great things about Starcraft 2 is that it tracks EVERYTHING. “]


Then I get the opportunity to fix. The fixes in my strategy go further, just like the flaws.


Life is like that, failure is feedback. We don’t have our complete lives recorded (yet) but if we focus,our failures turn into pressure, not pain. Pain clouds our judgement, pressure less so.


 


 


The stakes are low during a Starcraft game (just ego). Makes it a great training ground, especially since no one is chattering above you saying be better.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Execution,Anchoring,Presentation – Three Thoughts

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
[bctt tweet=”I looked back at some of my biggest failures and recognized that bad execution in a few of them. “]


Three Thoughts:


Anchoring controls more of our lives than we realize. It dominates as a bias because its subtle layering hits the lizard brain. Independent thinking is difficult, especially since you find anchoring in media, marketing, and design. It’s shocking and sobering. Its harder to figure out how to think outside the box when so much is anchoring you inside of it.


Execution is important, because it underlies everything we do. Give me a worker that executes brilliantly over an idea man everyday (and I am an idea man, and this kills me). One thing my job is forcing me to execute, and I experienced some growing pains. I looked back at some of my biggest failures and recognized that bad execution in a few of them. Business is about execution. If you are a great idea person, figure out how execute. If you execute well, understand ideas. I just bought a few books on the subject.  This is why I deal with fear so much here, fear stops execution all the time. We don’t lean in, we pull up just to get to safety. We aren’t raising our hands high enough.


Presentation. Please think about presentation. As much as intelligence, bravery, and honor matter,people see you, and how you present yourself first. We often notice more than we think. Be strong enough to make decisions on how you present yourself to the world. The front page of your site, your emails, and how you talk about what you do matter because it is the first layer that they see, and often its enough to make people decide if they want to deal with you. So, trust yourself and trust your presentation enough by working on it.


 


On my way to a wedding!


Lovely day to do that here in NYC (I love fall weather, 40 degrees to 60 degree weather)


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Vulnerability – Put Some Skin In The Game

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
[bctt tweet=”This is painful, and continues as a painful lesson to learn.”]


Being vulnerable is hard work.


My dance with vulnerability is a constant fight. It is a UFC fight designed like the WWE Royal Rumble, no holds barred action as I try to survive a barrage of fists and submission moves from blame,fear,anger and anything else that wants to jump in.


I found myself about to engage on this level a few days ago when I started thinking about how other people had wronged me. You know this feeling, when every slight rings in your head. For me, it comes with a scoreboard, and I start ranking each person on a “jerk” level. My boss, my room-mate, my co-worker my ex girlfriend, everyone gets a turn!


This is a taletell sign  of depression for me. After I get everyone ranked, I sit alone and start the metamorphosis into a hermit that can find anything wrong with everyone. Everything becomes phony, almost immediately. If I say hello, either I am adding a tinge of fake happiness or fake anger. I get passive aggressive.  It turns into a game, one where I only make myself mad by hiding how I feel and no one else is playing.


I found a remedy –  and it is extremely counterintuitive.


Put some skin in the game and make yourself accountable immediately.


This doesn’t mean blame – blame doesn’t help or change anything around you. All the energy that I have spent blaming people who have wronged me, or even worse – myself, has done nothing for me.  The only thing blame and its cousin shame has done for me is make things worse.


[bctt tweet=”Being vulnerable is hard work. “]


One of my favorite things to do while I am in this mode is give up power to spite.  I can’t count how many times I gave up my power in a show ( a show that only I can watch) to show the people around me that I was the man, and that they were going to miss my opinions. It is a notoriously silly thing to do in retrospect, and one of the big reasons I do it was simple. It was just fear.


When you hold yourself accountable,time starts getting faster. There is less boredom. When you are honest with fear, it has nowhere to hide.


I always thought this was the wrong way to go. I thought that standing out in front is the easiest way to get killed.  WIth that said, I always neglected that by standing in front, I always felt alive.


It is hard work. I often fail and retreat back to the default of fear. In fact, I’ve failed lately.This morning I woke up and decided to swallow it and start on the idea that I need accountability, and I am not trying as hard as I can to make my life work.


This is painful, and continues as a painful lesson to learn.


[bctt tweet=”Put some skin in the game and make yourself accountable immediately. “]


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Stumble Young Man Stumble

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
[bctt tweet=”‘If it isn’t hard, its soft’ – @IceCube w/ the @jAltucher assist. “]


This hurts. I spent a massive amount of time away from this blog. At first planned, but then it slid away from me. I told myself that it would be easy to return, and I told myself that I planned the break, but I used it as an excuse to let my work lapse. I thought I got past the point of excuses, yet I found myself making them as each day passed.


Even a bit of self-realization hurts.


The truth is, when I stopped writing and everything else fell to the wayside. My reading habit, gratitude habit, and my meditation habit crumbled. From there, my other ones fell apart too. I went from walking on the side of the road into the forest. I stumbled and fell.


This hurts.


I have to push back my theme to October. I cannot give risk it’s proper due in only 13 days.  My themes cover more than just blog posts, and all my other habits feed into the changes I want to make.


Even starting again feels rough. A first draft was easy, and now I find myself in a rut, even looking at this blank page.


With all that said, even a stumble and fall can create a lesson. And for me, I grabbed two for the price of one. First, the only way back is to peddle to ramp up and also, perfectionism will come back at anytime if you give it room.


 


[bctt tweet=”Even a tiny bit of self realization hurts.”]


Taking a long break is a stark reminder of how falling feels. Two days ago, I decided to just start. But, I know I have to get the first few out. The march to normalcy takes time and every journey starts with a single step.  With that said, after a certain time of doing the “stretch” you have to get yourself back to normal by any means necessary. This post took over 1200 words to create. If I don’t force myself into the box to fight, I will never get the calluses necessary to get back to growth.


This hurts because my last two posts sucked.


Before I write,I mentally create a list:


    

  • I hope this isn’t going to bore to many people, because I don’t want to bore.
    • 

  • I hope this doesn’t scare people, because I don’t want to scare.
    • 

  • I hope this isn’t a horrible experience, because I don’t like horrible experiences.
    • 

  • I hope I don’t seem stagnant, because I don’t want stuckness.
    • 



When I don’t write everyday, I forget that this list will STOP me in my tracks. There is nothing that I write that will pass this test at the first glance.


I once read that hope is a sin of man, and I find this true. Hope is the first step down the road of perfectionism, and once you start it is hard to stop.


We all want greatness out the gate. The “natural genius”  label. This stops me in a lot of endeavors in life, and during the break and as I start this blog back up I recognize this as nothing more than fear of both failure and success. My personal failures over the last two weeks all cycle back to this.


The truth is that to grow, I have all these things. There is no escape from disappointment. This is one of the tenants that this blog. Life As Usual is a blog that will take a look at some of life’s nuance, and discussing the work of the thing  and writing out what i can. It is interesting, it took me writing the stuff above to get to this point. I stumbled my way out of the darkness into the light.


That is what life is about, stumbling through what is in front of us.  I don’t get to exciting without the boring work to build the foundation, I don’t get to brave without dancing with the fear, I don’t get to great without dealing in the horrible and I can’t move forward without recognizing the stuck.


What pushes me out of this is one question.


[bctt tweet=”If I don’t force myself into the box to fight, I will never get the calluses necessary to get back to growth.”]


Am I brave enough to travel out of the darkness?


I only move forward by dancing with the fear. I have failed to sum up my blog for the last year and a half, and I recognize that this is it. This blog is my attempt to swim through the waters of life and make progress. It is a place to stumble, recognize why and at the same time, make my ankle stronger so I can move forward.


Life as Usual is my attempt to take myself out of the world of perfectionism, and make myself better. Truth be told, I wouldn’t find that without the stumble that I just took. So as much as I spent the last few hundred words being down, I couldn’t get here without the trip.


And that is it.


 


[bctt tweet=”Am I brave enough to travel out of the darkness? I only move forward by dancing with the fear. “]


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Don’t Fail. Follow-Up.

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
Don’t fail, follow-up – Anthony Frasier


This resonated with me. There are a few things I am neglecting to get after. I want to avoid failure. By not following up, I can avoid the active no and spare my ego by creating any story I want to dream up. “Did she just not get it” or “Maybe I am bothering him” or “They don’t want to work with me”. I take myself out of the game.


Ego is a fragile thing. It hurts to have it pushed around. Being uncomfortable hurts.Being around the unknown hurts. Yet, it is those things that enhance our view of the world and makes us better.


It is easy to write to just get up and go and things will be alright. The truth is it is a daily struggle. Each day is another opportunity to get in the ring and feel that punch of the unknown. I hate how I flinch(clock out mentally) when it gets uncomfortable.


Even coming to terms with how I flinch is uncomfortable. I realized that I am not a victim all the time, that I too influence things to shield my ego. I’ll say things that make people feel empathy. I’ll create a story that makes sense. Those mean people, that awful job, that unfair conversation. With a few of these I can generate sympathy.  It becomes an out. I get to flinch. If I do it really well, I can take my internal guilt and flip it into external shame on people.


It is an ongoing process, but I concluded that those last paragraph is now part of my definition of failure. The easy way to avoid all that is to follow-up. It helps to mitigate that part of failure.


Follow up and the steps ahead become clearer.


 


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Just Pull the Trigger

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
Just pull the trigger.


Just pull the trigger.


No one is going to care, just pull the trigger.


These are words jumping up and down in my acting class as I play the repetition game. It is my struggle, anytime I am in front of people, to trust that voice inside of me that wants honesty. I dismiss it, because it I’ve been taught to tamp it down, be polite, be prompt, and think about what you say. But that is the exact opposite of how great art exists. You can’t unring that bell, and that is what makes it powerful. Knowing that, you better make sure you rang that bell with conviction.


I often feel the same with my projects. All my projects, my day job(mainframes), my night job(comedy), my side gig(business development) and anything else. It is very easy to over think, and avoid shooting. Anything that comes up is a valid excuse not to execute.


What about last time?


What will people think?


What will happen that will ruin everything?


Everything – I think of everything before i make a leap into anything. Even something as small as repeating something that someone has said to me in a controlled classroom.


This used is a place of fear for me. The rocky ledge where we put our foot down is often scary. Especially since most of us, those of us who are choosing to traverse interesting territory, often find it unmapped. But maybe it isn’t something to fear. Maybe its something to relish. Everyone must feel it, and maybe that means I am getting to something real. Something authentic. If I have to tamp down my voice that means it is there right?


It is better to think who,when,and how internally and nail those down instead of thinking of the what and why externally. If I tie myself to those three things, pulling the trigger becomes a lot easier.


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	



	
	


		

		
	
	


	




			

				
		





	

		

	

		
		

		
		



		
	


			
		
		
	






		
				
		 


		 	
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