Sadness feels like…
Looking into myself and knowing I failed
A sting, watching tears that I caused
Realignment
A shell for me to hide
A tank for me to regain my composure
Massive rocks on top of my soul
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Tag: feelings
Categories
That Moment Can Go Boom!
There is a moment where our emotions take control.
It’s not wrong.
Don’t blame your emotions. Don’t try to shut them out. It’s a normal occurrence.
You aren’t a robot. Trying to shut down your emotions like a robot has awful consequences. They don’t just go away; they just hide elsewhere.
So, feel free to experience them at the moment. But only in that moment.
They start small, but those emotions grow if you let them. If you do let them, they also have terrible consequences.
Think of it as a fuse to a stick of dynamite.
It’s no problem if it burns for a second, but if you let it go long enough…
BOOM!
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The Feelings Are Valid
It’s hard to get our feelings out.
Have you ever argued with a friend or coworker (or even scarier, your boss!) and you weren’t sure if your opinion had enough weight? Your ace in the hole is often “the people.” They are always there for you.
So, we hide behind the idea of “people.” If a group of people feel the way I feel, then I am not wrong.
“Everyone knows this is silly,” so this is silly.
We also do the inverse to martyr ourselves. “No one sees this the way I do.”
It is a way to get out of exploring those feelings. If people are for or against you, there is no reason to explain. I think it ruins the discussion. It allows a way out when you aren’t sure how valid the feelings we have are.
Your feelings are valid. Stand behind them. Trust them enough to engage in conversation. What comes out will surprise you.
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Savor The Sadness
Savor The Sadness – Namu P.
I got some bad news yesterday. When I heard the news, I shut down.
I had some great things to take my mind off the bad news, but still, bad is bad.
So, it reminded me of the quote above, given to me by my friend Namu (Shes the BEST) , about savoring the sadness. It reminds me that even the bad is necessary, and as such, it is better to take it in, savor it for its lessons, and move on.
I didn’t judge myself for shutting down. I let the nature of the news work itself out.
Thank you for listening.
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You Feel How You Feel – So Do They
Listening is critical to get to feel.
Not just to hear what the other person is saying audibly, but how that other person is feeling. Learning how to deal with Emotional Intelligence isn’t just a nice to have, but a need if you really want to get to know people. It builds trust in relationships, and that is critical when you want things to go deeper than the surface. You feel how you feel, and conversation bares it out.
The other side of that honesty is that emotions now feel like they have a better place to release.
I think most of us get confused about emotions because when we see them from other people, it comes form a place of exhaustion. The great thing about being in a place of trust is that those emotions are coming out to let you, the listener, get a 360 view of how the other person feels.
Don’t make this mistake.
No matter how you hear it – it is not your place to decide if its right or wrong. The minute you cross that line, you lose the trust and now superficiality comes right back. The key is not to get defensive, even if it’s about you, and just listen.
The last thing you want is people closing up. If that happens, that energy sticks around, and it just becomes resentment.
Recognize it takes courage.
Know that the idea of showing how you feel is scary, and ultimately leaves you vulnerable. The best move, as someone listening, is to just sit and understand. The emotions at play let you in on a deeper truth, and ultimately give way to a better relationship.
Judging people might feel good in the moment, but ultimately, the things you feel for others end up landing back on you. This holds true even more if this is a relationship, business or personal, that is important. It’s not up to you to decide if its right or wrong. It’s just up to you to listen.
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Wow, Self Compassion
The idea of self compassion is simple. Just love yourself. That’s it.
It was a hard concept for me to grasp at first. I recognized my first attempt to dismiss this concept was that I thought that by loving yourself, you fall into the idea of “loving your flaws and all.” I really hate that saying, I firmly believe that we can become better people.
I took a walk to think about it soon realizing that love isn’t a recipe to just accept and ignore. When you love your wife/husband/child you don’t look at them for just the good. You also see the bad. And then you also see the ability for them to overcome that very same bad that you see.
Self esteem got most of the focus when I was a child. People worry about self-esteem. I am a part of the millennial generation, and I remember some of my childhood being really effected by it.It was a big deal. Every guidance counselor and teacher was aware of it, and they wanted to make sure that we all had it. By the end of my time in school, I was well aware of everything going on with the term, and realized it really had no effect on me. Those words seemed hollow, with no real action attached. I always knew I just had a problem with my own, and that was it.
“It’s no big deal”
I recently had something get into a great publication. I said it was no big deal in a conversation when I got the thanks. I completely dismissed what I accomplished. No one else had to take a shot at me, I was more than ready to do so with my esteem gun. It was in a world of pure feeling and I didn’t feel like I belonged. My problem with self esteem appeared again out of no where.
It was weird. Why did I completely dismiss my work? Why would I make it a point to breathe life into my despair? I then remembered something I read this weekend on self compassion. And it soon became clear I spent my energy on the wrong thing during childhood.
Self compassion needs focus I think about what I do and feel uncomfortable doing it. Being mindful of that is the first step. It builds from there. I recognize that the shakiness isn’t started with what I am doing. It starts in me, with my foundation as a person. So I have to take the energy to love myself. Love is work, but it is something I can put thought into.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 