Tag: fight or flight

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You Can’t Run From Problems (or Fight…or Ignore…)

Fight or flight only stops you from finding solutions that work.

Quicksand scares me.

What is quicksand? Quicksand is loose, wet sand that yields easily to pressure and sucks in anything rests on it.

At first, you don’t notice, the quicksand drags your feet. You ignore it.

You’re trapped. 

There is nowhere to go. You’re stuck.

  • Running won’t get you out.In fact, running makes it worse.
  • You can’t ignore it anymore; ignoring got you in this mess. 
  • Fighting the facts won’t change the situation.

Sound familiar? It’s the same structure as most of our problems.

You don’t notice a problem at first. Then it nips at your heels. You ignore, run away or fight it.

Like quicksand, all of those things make the problem worse.

The solution to quicksand, like that of solving problems, is to understand your environment. Tactics, such as breathing, help slow you down. It allows you to take in more information. Information helps you craft solutions that matter.

Breathing allows you to take in more information. Information helps you craft solutions that matter.

If you allow yourself to default into fight or flight, you stop the flow of information and drastically drop the amount information you receive. That means your solution, if you get to one, isn’t ideal.

If you are wondering about the solution for quicksand, it’s simple.

Float.

Simple, right?

How many problems in your life are solvable by a simple solution?

You won’t know unless you slow down and face things as you see them.

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Compliance

There is a lot of work in compliance.

First, there are rules. Then those rules have to have contingencies. Then the lawyer types get involved, and we get into the semantics of it all.

“Everyone has to arrive at 9AM. If you won’t get here by 9AM, contact your manager immediately. The only acceptable reasons are:…”

Those rules aren’t taken seriously unless there is punishment. “This line shan’t be crossed!” We have to think of things to create fear. Pink slips, lawsuits (more lawyers), and even violence works here. Terms like zero-tolerance exist.

“Failure to contact your manager will result in a write-up. REMEMBER 3 write-ups equal automatic dismissal!”

And, if the system is “working,” there is a submission period.

“I better get here at 9AM.”

If you notice, there is no “why” outside of the greatest threat.  It is a fear based system. It keeps someone on their toes and constantly focused on surviving.

There is a cost to leaving someone in survival mode. 

Note:

The thing about compliance is that this cycle doesn’t happen once, it has to happen continuously to keep those in control unsure.

“Did you hear about the new rule about e-mail? I think they are SERIOUS about this”

Takes a lot of energy.

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“For You” Addendum

Change the focus.

Human beings are naturally “selfish.” We think about ourselves. The brain likes to think that we are the star, and our emotions can run the show.

When we find ourselves in a corner, our brain reacts. We go into “fight or flight” mode, and it’s just a matter of getting out of there alive.

The problem with that is when we crank up that side of the brain, we don’t remember other than the threat. 

Try to remember the last time you got yelled at and felt threatened. Do you remember why you felt that way and what was your next step, other than getting out of that office?

Don’t blame the boss too much. We can all think of a time we yelled from frustration. In the moment, it feels like justice, but at the end, we end up where we started.

How do you avoid this problem?

Adding “for you” at the end of open questions. This is a standout point by Michael Bungay Stanier’s book, The Coaching Habit. 

It’s the difference between:

  • What’s the problem?
  • What’s the problem, for you?

It changes connotation, switching from a question that makes you wonder what is wrong, to one that feels like someone is thinking of your well-being.

“For you” pushes the problem away from “yelling” and survival over to story mode.

Getting back into narrative gives both parties a place to think.

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