flooding – From the desk of Adam Thomas

I don’t believe in tit for tat.

It’s reactive. The behavior usually comes from a belief that something is “owed.” If you didn’t initiate the issue, it’s time to return fire.

Reactive behavior creates a cycle, because if both people are reactive, there is no resolution, only tallying.

If you give me something, and I don’t give the same amount in return, the tally is on.

The tallying doesn’t stop with that conversation. It combines with the tally you’ve had in your head all day, and then you shift that over to the next person, and the game continues ad infinitum. Those original problems get buried so deeply that you forget them, but the feelings and tallying stay and affect everything.

Eventually, nothing is what it seems.

Have you ever seen someone screaming at the printer in your office? It’s never the printer…

“Flooding” is bad for your health and sanity.

In the book “Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well”, the authors describe “flooding” as the psychological event that multiplies the impact of a negative feeling. For example, “flooding” is when you find that the printer isn’t working and somehow that feeling becomes everyone here at the office hates me.

Yes, I’ve seen that example happen. It also may have been me.

When I notice the oncoming “flood” happening there are three things that help me get out of it.

Breathe – watch your breath, let things settle. Exercise is good here too.
Get context – Write out everything that is happening to you and read it back. The printer broke, not you.
Get thankful – The fact that you zipped up your pants before you left the house? That’s a win.

Floods are going to happen based on your disposition. I know a lot of creatives are on the “open” side of that scale, meaning we tend to “flood” more often. It’s OK when it happens, it’s human, but the key is to not stay there.