Take a breath.
Tell yourself “good job.”‘
Why?
“Good job” means that whatever happened earlier stops. It is a signal to move on and has a benefit of making us feel like we tried our best.
Here is the secret – usually, we are.
So, tell yourself “good job” and get going.
There is more for you to do.
Going through that prioritization is hard. Every decision you make affects a complex system. Nothing is on an island, and my assumption is that you intend on doing the right thing.
It is rough to know that even a little attention to that other option would mean some good in the world.
That is a trap. Eliminate it from your consciousness.
I know “no” when you know the cause is good is painful.
The alternative is a disservice to both. Letting something fall off could lead to someone else picking it up. That can’t happen if you are in the way.
There is a difference between lucky and good. Usually, the difference between the two is consistency, meaning that once you do something, you can repeat it, given the same environment.
Another point, which is often missed, is the ability to understand* why something worked while accounting for the other side.
Let’s take football:
The latter accounts for the work done on the practice field; the former has no strategy. If you were looking for a coach on how to catch the ball, which person would you feel more comfortable going to?
Unfortunately, a lot of people who are lucky confuse it for being good, and the results are frightening.
*I first wrote explain at this asterisk, and I recognized that you didn’t need to explain to understand. Keeping it on a sports level, Moses Malone couldn’t “explain” rebounding to you, but he was amazing at it because he understood it.
Sometimes we label things good or bad because of the experiences that happen to us. Conflict isn’t bad, but bad conflict is horrific.
I like the concept of force multiplier. It is a military concept that talks about how factors other than troops create strength for an army. If you know the terrain, it’s a force multiplier, an experienced army is a force multiplier, and so on and so forth.
Bad conflict is the opposite. It is a force divider, making your team less trust worthy, less vocal, and more secretive.
It’s hard to avoid because people are comfortable with it. Ever see a Facebook “fight”, does it not break every rule I put above? There are great tools available (I love Facebook Feed Eradicator!!!) and it pays to get vigilant about things.
It’s horrific, not because it’s just bad, it’s a force divider, meaning it is worse than no conflict at all.
Good conflict is a tremendous growth engine for teams. It accelerates the gestation process, gets people engaged, and improves your teams knowledge base all at the same time. I recommend it for everyone running a group.
Most people see the term and think of the worst of it. Take a look at the list above, and think about the last meeting you went to. Was all of that done? Did even one of those actions happen?
We practice how we play, so getting out the idea that you are making something sharper by engaging in bad conflict is not only counter productive, but ruinous to your ability to grow.
There is good out there in people.
Make your way to support that, set your compass to that,and your experience in life will improve.
If you don't find good – what else is left?
I have a routine fear of not being good, interesting, or smart enough to hang around the best people in the world.
The ironic thing about that very statement – when I do decide to jump in anyway, I get a story that makes me better, more interesting, and more intelligent.
You only get one life to live – and this fight happens way more than you realize; you have to make the choice to grow or stay safe.
You aren’t trying to do enough right in the world if no one is saying you are wrong.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 