Tag: growth

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Quitting Builds Character if You Take Responsibility

You choose to quit; no one made you clock out.

Quitting is a decision. It is rarely, if ever, forced upon you.

Like all decisions, quitting isn’t a “wrong” or “right” choice. It is contextual.

The thing to remember, though, is that you choose to quit.

Frame that decision in that way. To do it in another way inhibits growth. Thus, think of responsibility as your development fertilizer.

Remember, you have a choice.

Projects you do or don’t choose to ship create impact.

Take responsibility.

Then, use them as a map to help you move forward.

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Protect Your Ego or Encourage Progress

Being wrong is uncomfortable, so we protect ourselves.

Our minds will do anything not to feel the sting of being wrong.

This point is important to remember when you work on a project where you feel a connection.

Whenever you ask for other opinions or subject a project to the market, things might not function the way you thought they would.

Accept that.

Then decide what you want to protect, ego or progress.

  • Ego – Hide. Double down. Blame.
  • Progress – Discuss. Pivot. Accept.

Think of it this way, either you protect your ego, or you defend progress.

You can’t do both.

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Willing to Be Bad? Then Forgive Yourself.

Are you willing to be bad?

I mean purely awful.

Are you ready to…

If you are, then you’ll learn something new.

Congratulations.

Now, are you ready to forgive yourself?

I think this question is more important than any other when it comes to doing something new.

The reason?

  • If you can forgive yourself for awful questions, then you’ll ask bad questions until you ask good ones.
  • By forgiving yourself for horrible decisions, you’ll research the “why” to figure out how to make better ones.
  • Understanding and forgiving yourself for looking “stupid” gives you the chance to learn the “why” so you can either fit into the norms or break them.

How rich our lives can depend upon on how willing we are to try new things and how often we can forgive ourselves when we do wrong because we’re not aware.

It seems vulnerable, and as a result, we think beating ourselves up absolves us of our “sins.”

However, the risk of rigidity is far more dangerous.

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Learning is a War of Attrition 

Show up every day

Decide your day with intention.

Once you have, show up.

Everyday.

Our biggest war is with our ego.

And we fight. We fight against the expectations that we “obviously deserve.”

And the minute you decide to show up, it is a war you fight.

Be careful.

We think it’s “easier said than done.”

This war is one of attrition. Each day wears on you, and ego wins when you quit.

Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll often lose this war. You won’t, however, become a prisoner of the ego unless you completely submit.

So, do your best to sustain your energy. The longer you hang in there, the more territory (lessons) you acquire that prepare you for the next “war.”

The goal is growth.

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Go into the Sun, and Before You Do, Find Shade.

Extremes wear us down

If the light is uncomfortable growth and the dark is comfortable stagnation, then darkness is home for many of us.

We spend a lot of our time in the dark.

So much so that unfiltered sunlight hurts.

It hurts so much that it can convince us to go into the dark and stay there. 

That’s why it’s dangerous to go out into the sunlight and stay there. Too much pain at once convinces us that the sun isn’t for us. 

It is.

Humans don’t do extremes well. We can manage them fine. When our backs aren’t against the wall, we retreat as soon as we can to comfort.”

The best change is a sustainable one. 

Using this metaphor, we have to realize that when we want to go directly into the sun from the darkness, we need to plan “shade” periods.

The shade is a tool. It allows us to take a break from the sun while not going completely back into darkness. We can recharge, and see our next steps.

Sometimes we just need to take a break.

A retreat isn’t “defeat.”

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Expectations, Screwdrivers, and Running Uphill

Making something is hard.

When you do it enough, you face failure, and usually, a lot of it.

We think if we just get one thing to work, then it’s all downhill from there.

Eventually, if you keep showing up, something works. 

Now you have a reputation. 

With a reputation, you realize that it isn’t downhill, it’s uphill.  It’s not easier; it’s harder to work.

Before, people didn’t know who you were, and now, there is an expectation. You have to fight the initial barrier to creating while making sure you don’t succumb to the weight of “expectation.”

You have to deliver! You made it happen before, do it again.

Hiding is easier because of the shadow of expectations.  

However, there is an opportunity for growth with expectation. We gain muscles by working against resistance, not with it.

When there is the expectation, you can grow.

I think of expectation like a screwdriver. Like the screwdriver, the expectation is never far from any do-it-yourself (DIY) job because it gets things done. However, screwdrivers pike up. They are useful and small, so if we misplace one, we grab another to take its place. Many toolboxes have too many screwdrivers taking up space because they haven’t cleared them out. 

We overload ourselves with expectations that we haven’t cleared out. It is worth the time so you can lighten your load.

After that, use the right screwdriver (expectation) to knock out the job (creative project).

Then get a bigger project.

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Growth is Painful – Eternal Summer is a Desert

Don’t let pain stop progress

Showing up, it isn’t free. No pain, no gain.

You give space to the outside world to judge your work. Putting who you are in the town square means the crowd can sling stones at you. When you ship constantly, this isn’t a matter of if, it is a matter of when. 

Also, we are our worst critics. Your internal critic plays off of any sound (and no sound at all for that matter) to “confirm” your self-doubt. When you don’t ship, you make excuses.

You open yourself up for pain.

With that said, we have to remember winter facilitates spring. An eternal summer creates a desert.

Pain is the first step towards growth. It clears a path so our inner selves can test our mettle and eliminate our assumptions.

We get to make good on an idea.

That’s impossible when we hide.

Hiding from pain means hiding from growth.

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False “Leveling” = Fear

Leveling

Discuss -> Do

Leveling up, or “improving” is addictive. We fall in love with the concept. We apply it everywhere.

Stop it.

The problem isn’t with improvement, per se. Getting better is a good thing. The problem is trying to do this when something is already in motion when you decide the “level up” and carry it out after the decision.

That isn’t leveling up; it’s fear.

Some examples:

  • When someone asks for a pizza, and you go get hamburgers “because the place was better.”
  • Your boss emails you for a one-page report, and you give five because you “over deliver.”
  • You decide someone else is too busy, so you change the request they asked you to do to “respect their time.”

The discussion is important. Cultivating a culture where these initial ideas can get pushback is fantastic. However, no matter what the culture is, once the both parties decided and accepted, it’s time to do.

Don’t blind yourself with fear.

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The Culture of Distrust Checklist

The Culture of Distrust Checklist

The fastest way to demoralize a team is not to trust it

Creating a culture of distrust is easy.

Here is a mini checklist that can hurt everyone on the team:

  • Micromanage – Badger them with email, slam them with tiny tasks, give them SUPER detailed instructions, etc.
  • Break boundaries – Tell them to stay late and not offer anything, check their emails, comment on their personal situation, etc.
  • Don’t Communicate – Don’t say why, “just start,” don’t offer your ear to listen, etc.

Each of those things is a shortcut to getting something done.  Control is easier than challenging.

The drawback is they destroy someone’s sanity.

Instead of feeling wanted and productive, people feel disconnected. They act like a statistic because you are treating them like one.

Resist the urge. Culture quickly spreads and as a result, negative defaults rapidly happen.

Trust is easy to lose and hard to gain.

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Being “Seen” isn’t Always Good, Especially When Nothing Comes Back

A glance doesn’t mean an understanding.

On Facebook Messenger, by default, has read receipts.

A read receipt is a notification to the sender of a message that the receiver saw it. While this has some practical applications (say certified mail), having this as a default has a profound psychological result.

When something is “seen” with no response, we create opinions.

“Creating” isn’t good because we default to negative, which means terrible ideas.

Ideas like:

  • That person doesn’t like me.
  • They don’t care about what I have to say.
  • Maybe my opinion wasn’t necessary.

We internalize those ideas, and they turn into feelings.

The negative feelings start small and then grow into something uglier later.

The good news is that by reading this, you are aware.

There are tools to short-circuit the negative response. 

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