Tag: Habit

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Habits Aren’t Easy, At All

The first day you set up a habit is hard, until the second day.

Then it gets harder.

The third day, harder still.

But, if you keep at it, you’ll find the willpower switch turns off, and soon, it is as routine as brushing your teeth in the morning.

Positive habits are worth the time and effort, especially if you are intentional in how you do things.

The trick is finding out what is worth sacrificing short-term comfort for long-term success, and being realistic about the work it takes to maintain.

Comfort is king, except when the hard work can make you more comfortable still.

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The Primary Incentive Guides Us

We live from default based on our incentive

The last two days, we’ve defined incentive and had an exercise to list them.

Today, we are focusing on the primary incentive.

Human beings are creatures of habit and live on our defaults.

We live by default because our brains are structured to maintain energy. Using intent is energy expensive.

How do you figure out your major incentive?

Your major incentive could well be on your exercise’s list. Try to think back to a pressure filled situation and think about which one of those things you tended to.

Why is this all important?

As a result of this, our primary incentive creates the foundation for how we approach our work.

A quick example: If someone says wealth is the primary incentive – then when push comes to shove, they will focus most on the wealth.  When the pressure is on, that person is going to decide based on his wealth, for better (focusing on bringing in clients) or for worse(fudging numbers to make it better).

If you are self-aware, then you can lead yourself (and by extent, the team around you) to better decisions by creating systems that protect against the “worse.”

Tomorrow, we are going to end this mini-series with a mistake people make about incentives.

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Freedom to Switch It Up

GirlyGoingAwayParty

Traveling a well-worn road is easy.

In many cases, it’s necessary. In high-stress situations, the well-worn road keeps us from going insane. The idea of “knowing” allows our energy to focus on problems. Focus is far easier to come by when you are comfortable in your surroundings.

Our habits are the well-worn roads of our conscious in our personal lives. Patterns make our lives easier, but because they make our lives easier, models can become a trap.

The way to avoid that trap is when things slow down, change the way you try with a habit. Change something small about what you are doing. If you clean the dishes at night in a big batch, try washing the item as soon as you use it. If you read before bed, try batching (doing it all at once vs. spread out) your reading for the week on a Sunday afternoon.

What happens? Perhaps nothing, or you find a way you approach your habit improves the way you help it. If you read fiction better batched and non-fiction on a consistent basis, then you’ve found an actionable insight that you can spin in different ways.

Instead of grabbing a non-fiction book for a flight, you know it’s far more enjoyable to read that Kafka novel you’ve avoided for years.

Little experimentations like these can lead to serious results.

Exercise:

  1. Write down your consistent habits.
  2. Figure out one change you could make.
  3. Try it a few times, take note of the differences you feel.
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Making My Bed To Reframe

I used to hate to make my bed.

Every day I would avoid it. When my mother asked me as a child if I made my bed I would lie to her.

I don’t know why I hated making my bed so much, if it was an act of rebellion or a fit of laziness, but I would make it a point to actively avoid it. This behavior followed me from childhood in the DC area to being an adult in New York City. For years I never made my bed.

It seemed like a waste of time either way, and I didn’t care to “waste” time.

On the other hand, when I went into a place that had a made bed, say a hotel, I was more organized. I felt a sense of relief once I got to my room. The calm that I had when I had a made bed (and a clean room for that matter) helped me center and get a better grip on the next day.

I didn’t see the connection.

Life is funny that way, where the connection doesn’t stick until it does. We often see with our brains, and our brains get locked into certain habits. When those old habits break, there is an opportunity for new habits and connections to form.

It happened when I laid on my bed for a week while it was “made.”

Let me explain. I had a maid come by after a New Years Party and had the gift of a bed that was ‘made.’ My apartment has the heat on a temperature I like to call “hell” during the winter. So, for a few days I had a bed that was made and an apartment too hot to sleep in it. I spent the time laying on top of the covers.

After a few days I noticed the same habits I had in a hotel. I noticed I got organized before bed and started to think about my day ahead.What I thought was a waste of time turned into a time saver.

That new connection happened because I saw an old place in a new way. My old habit snapped and it gave me the opportunity to see something different. It took different circumstances in the same place to see a better alternative.

I try to think of that every time I stay in the same place too long. I use the question, “didn’t I used to hate to make my bed?” to reframe my situation and try to get to new ground.

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Some Things Professionalism Is

Professionalism has a wide berth

Yesterday I went over some byproducts of professionalism, but not professionalism itself. I did that because I am a huge fan of subtraction. Getting rid of the stuff around you is a great way to increase focus, and by focusing on what professionalism isn’t is a chance to increase the focus.

So, once you’ve read that post, take on this one.

The great thing about adding things with focus is that you can experiment. I’ve seen professionals in a lot of disciplines, and a lot of their habits are different. Since I have that experience, this is by no means an exhaustive list. There are just too many things I see professionals do. With that said, I consistently see these three behaviors.

These are the three behaviors

Rituals – Rituals get professionals in a mood to work. The great thing about rituals is that they are anything you want. Maya Angelou famously got a hotel room to sit in and work. Twyla Tharp gets a cab every morning to work out.  George Gershwin wouldn’t take off his pajamas when he sat to compose. Rituals work – because they get you to execute without expending precious willpower. [Read this: Daily Rituals: How Artists Work]

Questions – Professionals question as often as they need. Questions bring understanding, allowing the professional to see boundaries.  If you take what someone gives you without investigation and you allow fear to creep in and take over your decision-making (by not asking questions) then it’s the opposite of professional. [Read this: A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas]

Respect – Professionals use respect to build relationships. Respect people’s trust, time, and energy. Saying thanking, having gratitude, keeping negative energy away, and most importantly, listening all give professionals the chance to keep the people around him feeling and working well.   [Read this: Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone]



It takes some time


I’ve had trouble with all three of those behaviors throughout my life.  I am striving to add more professionalism in my life daily. They aren’t easy to maintain, especially when trouble strikes. I’ve noticed, though, if I follow those three things, I get through troubling situations with much less headache. To keep them up, through, I have to stay vigilant and recognize that when they do fall apart, how can I  get back on and get back to work.


The great thing is, this isn’t an exhaustive list. Some professionals are big on calendars, some are big on assistants, some need to run every day, and some need to get some Call of Duty gaming time in. There are a ton of behaviors that make professionals tick.  That gives you a wide berth to try things out, understand your own ticks, and build on this list to make your own professional chart.


But, there is no better place to start than the list above. If you want to become truly professional start here.  


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Good Stuff Builds On Good Stuff – Growth Principle

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			


Writing every day is a chore.


As much fun as it is to get this out of my head, some days I sit down, and I can’t get this blog post going. There is a fear associated with this. Every time I write an excellent post, one that people like, there is always another one that doesn’t get the love I want it to or sits there hanging in the wind.


This uncertainty builds fear that follows me writing this stuff. Sometimes it isn’t fun, and sometimes, it even gets scary.


But I know that through writing every post, I get the chance to write again tomorrow, and each post helps me do better than I did before.


The momentum helps


Every time I write, I feel like I am working out.  And like working out, going to the gym, whether it is a lucky day or not, at least keeps you in shape. There is no downside to cranking out a blog post every day. I get better with showing up.


This place helps me define my thinking. This has spread to other parts of my life, like my social networks. If you look at my Instagram, book reviews. Those were born from writing about books here, in a small way, not a big way. My LinkedIn has leadership posts, that came from the blog, and gave me the confidence to tell better stories to connect. My YouTube is a video blog. I didn’t know how to shoot video, but writing here gave them ability to synthesize ideas to put them on video.


Growth matter


Your brain isn’t a thing that grows based on what school you went to or who your parents are. It becomes better, like any other muscle, by using it. You use it by doing things or thinking deeply about the world around you. Neither of these things is passive, and both, when applied, take a ton of brain muscle to do.


Every day I post here, its growth. The material, good and bad, allow me to work longer and do better. It gives me a scratch pad, a place to learn something different.  Good content builds on good content. It’s the gym, and it gives me the opportunity to turn in better and better work.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Learn Through Habit By Going Slow – Don’t Rush It

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


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Slow habits create teachable moments


One thing I’ve done on this blog is trying to keep track of my habits. There are a ton of posts on the subject, so much so that I have the entire first sentence linked up ;-).


One of the key principles I learned from writing about habit so much and failing a ton at them is that you do well when you start smaller. Preparing to start small helps you understand how you do and even better, give you teachable moments that help with other things.


Why Small?


Small, simply put, gives you the opportunity to get bored. Boredom, especially individually purposeful boredom, give your mind space to make something better.


The key to making the most of this is to put your full attention and embrace the boredom.


Great example:


When you get a habit of sweeping the floor, start in a tiny spot. Stay there for a few days, and put your full attention in that small place. Every day you do that, your brain is going to come up with a list to make that tiny spot better.  As you expand, you bring that thinking process to the rest of the floor.  It gets addictive.


Swinging for the fences leaves your arms tired


Trying to reach for the sun when starting something isn’t good preparation. Trying to get to Superman in one leap doesn’t happen, nor does it happen in 10 or 100. But, you get a lot closer to that ideal by starting with one push-up a day, and resting on the idea Superman. Trying to go to the gym every day and do a huge superman workout will squeeze you out.


Take advantage of the beauty of change by making a small one, and engaging in that. You might end up surprised at where you end up when you get a year under your belt.


 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Keep Kicking – Lessons From Habits in August 2015

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
[bctt tweet=”Building on habits, instead of focusing on a huge singular change, is a gateway to a more productive life.”]


At the beginning of 2015,  I recognized that blindly calling for self-improvement didn’t give me the direction I looked for.I made a decision to give every month a theme.


For August I decided use the theme of habits. I believed that working on my habits provided some insight into my behavior.


As we get to the end of the month, I learned plenty about myself through this exercise. This month was heavy on failure, since each day there were multiple stress points. Paying attention to the failure sucked, but through that failure I learned that I have the strength to move on.


Habit is incredibly powerful. When they stick, habit creates action, for better or worse. If we were to call our consciousness a car, habits would be the starter. It is possible to make the engine go without it, but it becomes much more difficult.


This month led to a lot of growth. Building on habits, instead of focusing on a huge singular change, is a gateway to a more productive life.


Wins:


    

  • Failure – I failed a lot this month.

      

    • Lesson: Failure doesn’t have to define your day. 
      • 

    

    • 

  • Action – This connects with failure above. If I get up and start doing things, I feel a lot better and it starts to stack

      

    • Lesson: Mood follows action, not the other way around.
      • 

    

    • 

  • Operation – I learned how to build habits and building methods to make them happen a lot better. Physical reminders were a big win.

      

    • Lesson: Reminders help, don’t be afraid to use them. 
      • 

    

    • 



[bctt tweet=”Failure doesn’t have to define your day. “]


Losses:


    

  • Management – I didn’t keep track of anything on paper this month. That was one of the biggest disappointments. I noticed the days I didn’t a lot more, but I don’t have anything on paper to make this happen. I stated it in the intro and just went for it, I didn’t make it into a solid done.

      

    • Lesson: As soon as I write a goal, get the homework and schedule it that day.
      • 

    

    • 

  • Consistency – I didn’t stay consistent in a few habits, and sometimes they were stumbles (5 minute journal and meditation) and some times they were collapses ( Ordering out).

      

    • Lesson: It’s ok to fall, but try not to make it a habit (hahahahahahaha). Don’t miss two days in a row. 
      • 

    

    • 



Important Posts:



Books:



Habits:


    

  • Sleep Before Midnight
    • 

  • Cook Dinner
    • 

  • Cook Breakfast
    • 

  • Vegetables in the Morning
    • 

  • Social Media on the blog
    • 

  • Pitching my Writing
    • 



Closing The Loop


    

  • Making a list of top of mind stuff every week
    • 



Emotional Intelligence


    

  • n/a
    • 



Network


    

  • Reconnecting with Harlem Tech Scene
    • 



Organization


    

  • Got rid of old boxes
    • 



[bctt tweet=” If we were to call our consciousness a car, habits would be the starter.”]


I learned a lot when it comes to habits. Tracking them and being consistent are things I need to work on. The biggest lesson for me though, was that failure doesn’t define your day. Each moment comes with a choice, and paying attention to habit this month made that clear to me.


I also just noted, I should keep track of every theme with each months outro. Would make this a lot easier, and make my accountability stronger. Ha, each post is something I can learn from :-). 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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Mood Follows Action.

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
Mood follows action, not the other way around.


After spending much of the day lying around(The Witcher 3 is addictive) and watching Netflix, I spent the last two hours making good on my promises of the day. Although I was in the mood to do nothing, having habits made sure that the entire day wasn’t wasted.


Not a long post, but certainly an important one. It stands as a great reminder of habits, and a great way to end my month, especially compared to the first Sunday.


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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How Long Are Two Minutes?

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			
Perfect is the enemy of good


High expectations are a killer. The worst part about them is that they are in our heads. When my mind decides on recklessness, there is nothing I love to do more than catastrophizing and making mountains out of molehills.


If I told you two minutes is long enough to get that thing you have waited to get off the ground off the ground, would you believe me?


How long are two minutes? They are long enough to get the habit you want to do out of your head and into life.


An example:


If you want to start cooking in the morning as a habit, don’t think of it as a chore. No three-course meal with eggs sausage and fresh chopped fruit. Making a bowl of cereal counts. It takes less than two minutes, and you have accomplished the mission.


 


Accept that perfection is a gateway to procrastination.


The only way to get things done is to do them. Two minutes are a gateway into getting something done without the pressure. It’s perfect because it is long enough to take a look, do a small amount of research, send an email, or do a very simple model of what you want to do.


This tool isn’t for a single purpose.


Forcing boundaries also help us want to improve.  When I set up the two-minute rule, I force it on myself for a time. Taking the above example, I will make cereal for a week. Mentally, I know I can’t stand the boredom of sticking to two minutes, and find myself doing more as time goes on once I open it up for another week.


The hardest gap isn’t between good to great, but between starting and not starting. I would bet that you could make a significant dent in the universe by simply getting over the fear of high expectations and just starting.


So what is something you aren’t starting now? Got two minutes?


(Pair with Task O’clock)


The other side of this is to make sure you don’t stick in the two minutes, so make a way to make yourself jump in more. But again, the enemy of good is perfection, and just getting started on something is good enough. 


		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	



	
	


		

		
	
	


	




			

				
		





	

		

	

		
		

		
		



		
	


			
		
		
	






		
				
		 


		 	
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