Tag: Habit

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Short Post Vol 3

It’s hot.

Just hot now. Summer is starting to make its presence known here in my apartment, and as such, I don’t think I can sti down and write as much as i would do normally. I still have to install the air conditioner and make the place temperate.

Quite frankly, I feel like I can just keep it simple and short today, just enough to build the habit. AS long as I am writing something, and I keep the process the same I should be alright.

And even so, each day is another way to build the muscle. I have realized that with each day I build the habit, I start to be able ot drill down on it. I can find the loopholes that are happening inside that habit, and fix them, and become more efficient.

The goal is to make the habit better. I don’t see whats wrong with that.

With that said, it has got to be pushing 85 in this apartment, and now i have to fix this by installing an air conditioner in the living room.

Comic Strip Lottery today. Time to face destiny.

Done: 3 Things wrap up 16/8
Not Done: Todo Water Pushups Vegetable Juice Meditation Thank You CPAP

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Getting on the Path

All things went through.

My changes went by without a hitch, I didn’t have to roll anything back, and I went to my meeting, all while getting enough sleep to justify being up by 12.

All in all, a good day for my first day of coverage. Everyone seems pleased, and I can start getting my road map done for the rest of the month of June when I return to work properly next week.

This allows me to not lose sight of what I really want. The ability to work independently and get things done. When I find myself alone in a few years, doing comedy, writing, or whatever it may be, I need to be able to plan, execute, and finish things on my own, without any help from someone to keep me on track.

That’s why I like this blog. Every day, I get these words out, and I build the muscle that is going to push me to the next level with anything I write. I am building the habit of output, the habit of finishing, so when I work on my next few projects, they will be here to stay.

I enjoy that piece of it, and I also enjoy that this is becoming easier to do. When I started back in early April, I just could manage 2 or 3 sentences, now I am plugging away at almost 750 words. Worth the hustle, especially if I can get it to 1000 and start on a new habit of creating some creative output.

With that said, I have been thinking of my day job situation. What do I want to do with it, and where do I go from here.

There are some things that need to be done, before I can hang it up, so to speak. Things that are imperative. One thing that constantly stays on my mind, is getting my college degree. I need to finish it, and I know what i have to do to get it done. One is to take that make up exam over at the college down the street.

The other thing I need to do is get that Linear algebra credit done. Those two things means I can get that monkey off my back, and start fresh. With my loans of course.

There are many things that are on my list of things to do before I go freelance. School is one, loans are another, and getting a stable nest egg is the other thing. I calculated I need at least 30 grand socked away, plus another 50 or so in my 401k before quitting and just being free makes any sense. That would be rent for a year plus an emergency fund in case it all goes bad.

Getting those funds together is a growing challenge. I have to manage my spending , which I have been doing a better job with, and increase my income. One thing I am doing is taking on 2 roommates to get my expenses down as much as possible. Getting that will clear out my credit, and help me pay off my student loans faster.

Also cutting down the amount of drinking has gone a long way, keeping me a bit more mentally sound in the process. If I can get to my goals, I can start to figure out my next move. Apparently, if I keep on the course I am keeping on, I will find myself near my goal around 2015.

It isn’t just money that I need, it is more skills. I do not want to end up with just the money, or just the habits, I need to be ale to market myself and close on projects. That is the reason for me taking on any project management course that comes my way, and I will be taking a class o two on creative writing and script writing.

My job after that will be to market myself with the materials I have created to make something of myself. I have to gain the skill of network building, and being open. These will be critical. Seth Godin pointed out you need 10,000 fans to be an artist for life. I have to start getting there.

In 2 years, I would like to be well on my way of getting that done. Travelling, putting in the leg work, building a fanbase, and creating something for myself. I know I want to be independent, but after 26 years, I think I am finally learning what it takes to be there.

Lets hope by 28 I am a lot closer than where I am now.

Rough one on the habits.

Done: 16/8
Not: Pushups Meditation Thank You Wrapup todo 3 Things CPAP Vegetable Juice Water

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Letting Go

I was talking to my cousin today about comedy.

My life circles around this comedy thing, I think about it a lot, and every day is just another day to learn something new. Seeing as he is an impressive performer, with a ton of time in the business, and the respect to match, I sometimes go to him with ideas and to bitch about what I see and what is happening.

For the most part, he usually says something wise, and I leave the conversation figuring that a lot of my worries really mean nothing in the scheme of things. AS he says, it is a tempest in a teapot – something that makes a ton of noise, but at the end of the day,you will forget it happened.

It usually calms me down, until my next manic episode happens, and I am right back on the cell phone asking advice from a master.

In short, I am happy he is around to answer my questions.

I think people look at relationships like that in the short term. I have in the past. It was always what shows can I get on, what can I figure out, how can I make this club or this date happen. Let me drop his name and see if it can open some doors or me.

After a few months doing that, I retreated from it. I started seeing what this, and by this, I mean comedy, was. It was time and networking. It is building your own brand. It is working on your material so it blows everyone else off the stage.

His presence in my life enhances a lot of that, even if he gives me no shows from this day forward. The advice on how to proceed, on how long to wait, when to submit to things, and keeping me humble has significantly improved my progress in comparison with my peers.

The last part is really important. Last time he was in the city, he kept referring me as an open micer, when I was around other comics. My roommate was wondering why he called me that, but I understood. I am no one in this business until I pull myself out of it. Until I am on the road, making a living, I am that, and that alone.

In short, being coached really has brought the better out of me, and I think it adds exponentially. Like Warren Buffet’s 500 words a day, advice from him a few times a month is enough to keep my head straight, and to realize what I am working for.

I want to be the best, so I have to learn from them.

I am apprehensive about writing the thank you notes.

Frankly I feel like people don’t want to hear from me. Writing the Thank You notes every day, I was thinking of who to thank, and why to thank them.

I got lost in it all. It is scary.

I have these thoughts, where I think I can ruin relationships y just speaking to the person. I don”t quite know where it comes from, but I know it can destroy me personally because I let relationships linger.

I am really good at doing things in the moment – but after that I just retreat to my shell. Frankly it is difficult to break from it, because I always feel like a target as soon as I leave it. How will I get shot today, who is going to hit me.

I do it with comedy, my writing, personal relationships, everything. I am scared to put myself out there. Even as I write this blog now, my stomach hurts, my typing is getting slow. I notice that, every time I put something real down on paper, I lose a little bit of steam, and part of me goes right into PR mode.

I try to clean up messes that don’t even exist, just becaue I think I am going to cause them.

Maybe writing the thank you notes will be a way to get through this process. Putting myself out there – just getting someone to look and care, should make this very interesting. Now i just have to do it.

Done: Water, Reminder, 3 Tings
Not Done: Todo 16/8

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Ritual and Perception

After reading the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, I have been really interested in finding more about the subject. There seems to be a real power behind it. Because of that, I have been reading Daily Rituals by Mason Currey.

This book on routine is really interesting. I am currently reading about the routines of great creatives, whether they are writers, painters, philosophers etc. and it seems like the great ones always had a routine to create output. A recurring theme is inspiration is for amateurs. James Joyce, who wrote Ulysses, says it took 20,000 hours to get it done.

Would you sacrifice 20,000 hours to write something that would last 1,000 times that in terms of enjoyment for the rest of the world? It was all based in habit, to get it done. And that is the discipline that I need.

It is the reason this blog has been going on everyday since I finished The Power of Habit. I need to create that output, to have something to show if I am asked for it. All this work in the dark leads nowhere if I have nothing when I have a light shown on me.

600+ words a day help. I am starting to see that I have to keep this pace, because by establishing the habit, and making myself used to pushing out something, I build muscles. These muscles will allow me to do some of the heavy lifting it takes to become more cerebral, and get more creative.

Learning how to build these muscles is why I want to diversify myself out here in Comedy. I have been looking for other ways of output other than stand-up. I think this will sharpen my skills with a pen, doing things like writing jokes, penning sketches, or shooting and directing videos. Stand-up is my love, but trying to make a living at it becomes a lot easier when I can create.

For the sake of that, it is imperative that I have something going. I think it can be really simple, something like 30 minutes a day to keep me growing as an artist. It is surprising how much a little everyday can do to build your skill. I’ve read stories of someone learning how to improve their violin skills with just 6 minutes a day.

With that said, I have figured that each sentence down means something. After reading Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird, I got a little insight into that way of thinking. As she wrote about, at length, you need shitty first drafts. Getting that out the way allows me to learn.

In short, I am looking at the rest of my twenties as a way to build, taking as many hits as I can along the way. The hope is,by the time I am 30, I would like to be able to be ready to unfurl some stuff to the world as a creative.

I hate that I get so defensive. I sometimes get myself in a mood, where everything touches my skin with the intensity of a sharp stick. When I feel this coming, everything becomes a little more meaningful, for better or for worse. I get hyper perceptive. My mind becomes a net for all communication, from body language down to tone, and I receive it.

Last night I found myself in that mood, hanging around people I work with as comedians. I felt the showbiz thing – that phoniness, that I feel from people. It doesn’t really bother me when I am around other people. Honestly, people are people, I do not expect much from a stranger. He doesn’t know me and I do not know him.

I really hate it though, when it comes from someone I know. There is a look, body language, and a tone shift, if someone finds out I am not on this show or that show. Now, it has become apparent that I don’t work hard enough at this skill, in the sense that I don’t put myself out there enough.

But I have an understanding that people don’t change because of one thing. That is to say, if I know you yesterday, and then tomorrow I end up auditioning at some club you want to be at, I haven’t changed, you haven’t changed, our relationship should be the same.

Sometimes people don’t do that. And it bugs me. Maybe the trick is to level off expectation? I really don’t know.

Done: Wrap-up Water 3Things 16/8
Undone: Todo

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Paradox Self Doubts Confidence

Paradox…

Don’t quite know why I wrote that word, really I don’t know why at all. I guess my mind is a little scattered today. It seemed like a fun word to write at the time, and for what I have down currently, is the most interesting word on this page. I feel like I am a paradox. Human beings are paradoxes. We are inconsistent people, who in each of us, exists a possible truth to the puzzle of life.

That got a little grandiose. Lets scale it back to reality here.

There is a new comedy club in the city. I guess it is called the LOL Comedy club. I am curious to see if it is something I should check out. I need some tests and maybe if I get in at the ground floor, I can work out and get better at this comedy thing in a different environment.

That may be what I want right now, but honestly, I am still working on the jokes that will get me over the hump of 5 minutes. I feel like I am getting closer, but still, there are some holes, and with each bit getting funnier and more poignant, I start to see potential holes in the others.

This is happening. And it is making me a better comedian right now, I can feel it. There is a tone when I get up on stage now. There is a cadence. It is starting to feel like an act that is worth showcasing. Now I just need the jokes to start catching up to the persona.

I did alright at the mic last night. It was interesting, because I worked out some bits that may be circling the drain. From them I made another leap – some smaller things jumped out that make those bits even better.

I also arrive back at my subway bit. It is growing to be about NYC and its absurdity. There is a front part to the bit, and I enjoy it being there. It makes the joke funnier. It is almost audition ready, which would put it in between my opener and closer to make a decent 5 minute set.

2 and a half years for just 5 minutes. I think I am almost there.

Did a 24 hour cleanse. I feel better, although mentally I am a bit lost. I have a fit of Hazy brain. My breath smelled better so I am thinking that it is coming from my stomach. After a day of nothing, it worked a lot of the things inside, out. Now I have to get some medical closure on this, so next time I can work from home, ill get it.

Habit Day is tomorrow. I plan on focusing on hygeine. I want to establish a surefire method of waking up and getting dressed as cleanly and as quickly as possible. I think this will get me to have a solid jump on my day and I will be able to get a little more done before work.

Habits are interesting to me now. I recently got a new book on the habit of great men and women. I want to explore this topic, becuase people like Kafka and Hemingway produced some of the greatest thigns human beings cherish, and if I can learn anything on how they worked, I think I will be putting myself on the right track.

Byron is coming this weekend. He will be crashing on the couch. I am getting him his keys. Hopefully he can get a handle on what is up here. I worry about the kid. I will advise him to slow down on his purchasing for now, and get an idea of what he needs.

I hope he has the money and finds something he is looking for up here. I want the best for him. Like a little brother.

3 Things Done – To do List Done – Wrap Up Done – Water Done – 24 Hr done.

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Fearful.

I don’t know where I stand in comedy today.

I think I have realized I am lazy.

When thinking about myself in terms of comedy and hanging out I haven’t put the work in being seen. I am doing the work on one hand, getting the sets in, improving my writing, and getting used to time and being comfortable but I am doing all of it in the dark. Everything else, I basically do it whenever it is convenient. And when I do come out it is doing the same shows.

I have to do better in this regard.

I want to ingrain the habit – the habit of being out and about in the city. I believe I have some material, so I think I have to start auditioning and getting myself out there. To put myself out on a limb. I have been scared regarding this, I wonder where it started. I have found myself getting comfortable, and being comfortable blocks process and progress.

To get myself out of this rut I find myself in, I have to figure out a game plan.

To be honest, this hasn’t just started – I have been starting to hang out a little more, shake some hands, add people on FB a little more, and put some more stuff out there, but I have to wonder, am I doing enough? Is this the pace I should be going at? Should I be going a lot harder – staying out until 2 AM if need be everyday until it becomes habit?

Either way, I will find out this summer, when I start auditioning more. I am going to shake some trees where ever I find them. I have to start leaning on old resources for stage time, and opening up old relationships.

Maybe I have been apprehensive this entire time for nothing? Maybe I should relax more. Maybe get the direction I need either way.

Who knows?

I have saxophone lessons coming. Still have to figure out a date, but once its done, I will be starting to play again.

I want to become better at the T principle that Da Vinci was doing. In short, the T Principle is to master one thing, but dip your hands into a bunch of others.

This creates an environment that trains all parts of your brain, and from there all your work increases.

It is because of that, I want to start hitting the saxophone again. I will do lessons once a week for an hour, and then practice for 30 minutes a day if I can, most likely before bed.

I feel like this is going to bring me a little more self discipline and a little more peace as well. I really miss playing music, just the ability to sort of get into a place and let my skill talk for me.

Comedy is fun, writing is fun, but music is a completely different beast. There is a sharpness to it that I love. There is a different reaction to someone that hears it. Its defined within the listener as well as the artist.

I am feeling a little apprehensive about it though. Frankly, it scares me. I am afraid to see where I am still as a player. I know I am in a bad way, because I don’t even remember how I used to read sheet music.

I guess having the teacher here would make that a lot easier. It is a guiding hand to help me get over some of my fears, and the instruction will round me back into shape.

And…

It would be nice to be able to seranade a chick or two as well, I must as admit. 🙂

Enjoy the spring weather.

16/8 done
water not done
no reminder
no task list
3 things done.

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Habit and Tests

Kind of dreary today.

I realized that a lot of my fatigue has to do with dry eyes, more than lack of sleep. I want to force myself to get up earlier, because the symtoms are much the same, and see where I end up. The weekends I will still sleep in, but on the week days, I hope this revelation will be the reason for me getting to work on time, everyday.

I would like to set it up for a 9:45 start time, and a 6:00 finish. That way, no one can say anything, I have worked my hours, and I can feel like no one is watching me anymore.

I would also like to start working out for an hour like Mike does, but that will come later, once I get the funds together to buy a yearly membership and don’t have any worry about how the rest of this will go.

I think once I do that, I can more or less automate my work schedule, which will let me do more projects, that will be clearly defined. Once things are streamlined at work, I can turn a little more of my non-habit energy to my side projects.

The 15th of the month fast approaches, and I think I will be taking the 15th of every month to decide what habits should exist, and what habits shouldn’t. I ought to put this in my calendar as well as habit day.

Reading that book, The Power of Habit [ Charles Duhigg ], made me realize that habits are the key to me generating the productivity in life. When I don’t know what to choose, I also have 52 Changes [ Leo Baubuta ] that I can peruse from to help me make those decisions.

The key here is to build self discipline. If I am to go out on my own and try to develop my own livelihood, I need the discipline to stay on target, finish things, and chase a moving target that is freelance.

This includes picking up and using my productivity apps (such as any.do and my calendar) and emplying the tricks I learned to make them easier (morning when you get up, right before bed) to help me get the basics down.

Once I become a little more settled, I would even like to add mid-afternoon to the list. I already have one habit that I am trying to build there ( Going over Comedy Sets) but there are more that can get done.

As I said earlier, the habits method is for more than just assured productivity and more willpower. It opens up my mind to go for bigger fish when it is time to attack them.

This method leaves my mind empty for when it is time to do battle with the creative problems that a person can face. Writing a manuscript, going over jokes, planning interviews, sculpting code, all of this is what will drive me to excellence, because a lot of the worlds most interesting people consciously or unconsciously use habit to make them interesting.

My roommate wonders if I am afraid of tests. I wonder if I am too. This is something I have to explore. I want to do as many auditions in the city as possible. Let me test my grit and my jokes as properly as possible.

I don’t know how its going to go, but I need to start taking more leaps of faith. I am going to try to say hello to everyone. No matter how they distant they seem to me. Nothing harmful in hello. I also don’t want to try to seem manipulative when I do it, just a handshake and a wave.

A little conversation. Nothing better than that.

3 things done
reminder list done.
todos done
water done
16/8 not done – 12/12 … not good…

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Short Notes PT 2 this week

I kind of don’t want to write today.

Usually if my posts are short, or if they feel rushed, is because they are. My time was short, I was running to a meeting, I was tired, no sleep, something happened where I needed to run.

In other words, there was a reason. Today is Friday, I have a bit of fuzzy brain going on, and I just don’t feel like writing 600 – 750 words on a blog.

I guess my decision here is to keep pushing, or to just falter.

When I put it in such simple terms, then I guess it is easy to just write something short.

I did another 30 minutes of material yesterday. Doing that at Identity bar, and even having a smattering of audience, has allowed me to become more free on stage.

I am starting to realize I can trust myself when I get up there.

I think material comes in two forms. There is structured and unstructured, both are important in putting together a show.

There is something about being able to read an audience, and hit them with something when they are ready for it. When the crowd gets to know you. When you see who they are.

Polished material is great, when the crowd is primed for it.

When you just go into material sometimes, it is like they are being rushed into something. By them I mean the crowd. No one wants to be forced into hearing jokes. I think you are taking them hostage.

A really good comedian doesn’t have to take them hostage to hear the jokes, he knows how to gain their trust, and take them for a ride. That’s the goal. When a comic learns how to distinguish the difference, it allows him more freedom, and from there springs better material.

I feel like I am getting there with Identity. Just working 15 everyday, trusting my track selection, and hitting harder.

3 things done
water
todo done
reminders done
16/8 done

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Praising Failure

I was talking to Phil, my roommate, about Patrice O’Neal this morning.

For those who don’t know, Patrice O’Neal was a stand up comedian who passed away in 2011. He was, in my opinion, one of the best stand up comedians to ever do it, not just in his material, but his candor, his gregariousness, and the honor that he displayed on and off stage.

It is that honor, that truth, that I want to emulate whenever I do anything in life. A lot of people said he was an asshole, and if you read some accounts, it seemed he was, but a lot of that is surface. If you got past it, there was a thoughtful man who really cared about the people he was around.

Even with what he did, there was always truth associated with it. That’s why it stung people so much. For those who could take it, they would have died for him. For those who he hurt, they hated him.

Which brings me back to Phil, we were walking to the train, and discussing comedy, as Patrice was brought up. He was talking to a comedian that had been around a long time, and he asked the comedian who was the biggest jerk to ever work in the club, and to him it was Patrice.

Now this comic isn’t quite good. He hangs around The Comic Strip, he gets up, and he is a bit of an institution there, but when you watch him – you can see it is an olive branch extended by the club, they allow him to work for the loyalty.

Patrice more than likely told him that. It hurt. It festered. And he reminded him of his own failures. He apparently rejoiced in telling a story about Patrice bombing, running over the light, and getting banned.

It made him happy, but even when Phil told me that it was obvious that the comic in question was pained that Patrice was welcomed back even when he pulled a stunt that would have resulted in a lifetime ban.

Truth hurts. Realizing that you are in a class behind, hurts. Learning that the rules are different if you are good enough…hurts. Show business hurts.

It left him bitter. He praised his death.

I hope I never end up like that. I could never be happy at a death of someone, especially if he had a family. I think of that comic, and how much hate he had in his heart for someone who from what I gathered, only remembered him when he was in the same room.

I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want this business to strip my humanity and turn me into someone who gets a kick out of peoples failures.

It is raining, and I was supposed to wear a suit today. Who knew? I have a suit that is ready to go, and I didn’t even bother to think to wear it.

16/8 Completed
3 Good Things.
Todo Done
Reminders Done
Water not

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Anger – Self Discipline

I was angry yesterday, as my boss called me.

He was asking to see if something was broken on a production system. In my line of current work, this means all hands on deck are looking at you, and you need to create a fix as soon as possible.

It goes without saying you are a ball of stress, especially if you have no idea that something has gone wrong – especially if its your day off, especially if you didn’t get much sleep, and especially if its a problem that was solved by you in the past.

It turned out to be a tempest in a teapot, for the most part. My boss looked at an old text message and assuming the worst, calling the vendor, calling other people, and calling me because he was sure there was a mistake.

I wonder if he really thought there was a mistake and that is how he handles everything, or was he just looking for trouble with me, swore he found it, and went to DEFCON 4 because he was sure that it was an issue.

Either way it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was angry, and still am because of the assumption. I feel like if someone is looking for trouble constantly, they are going to find it, whether it exists or not.

Gossip wins again – more on that at another time.

Another late day.

I am curious to find out what it is at this point. I wonder if it is just a lack of commitment to the life I chose, or am I just forcing my body to get more sleep based on my new habits. Either way, I have to figure this out, and do it soon.

Its one of the last stressful things in my life right now, and if I can figure it out, the guilt of doing this on a daily basis can be let go, and I can take this energy and place in on other things. I can become better with my skills as a professional, and my self discipline can improve.

That is what I want, iron self discipline. It is the one thing I have run away from, even as a kid.

I was always a rebel, and mostly I had no cause.I have come to the realization that as much of a problem some friends, coworkers, and people are, I could make things better by simply having the self discipline of a master.

How do I get that? I don’t know. I have been doing small things, such as trying this 16/8 diet, writing 3 things I care about, and typing in this blog everyday. I think those things have helped. I seem to have a little more focus at work, I retain more information, and I am making sharper writing decisions.

I understand it is a process, but I do want it to go a little faster.

I think I have to be more appreciative of the small things though. a month ago, my shirts weren’t fitting as nicely, and I was a lot more tired all the time. Regiment and process has helped me lose a bunch without even really doing anything, or making any significant changes.

Who knows where this will be by the end of the summer, once these habits are locked in and another set have been added on, making my mornings and nights full of undaunted productivity.

At the end of the month, I will be ready to add a new set. I will be trying 3 in the morning, and 2 at night. Ill see where it gets me. Hopefully I can eliminate the late thing too.

Self discipline seems to be the way out.

16/8 not done – 15/9
Water not done
reminder done
todo done
3 things done

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