Tag: hide

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Hiding is Tricky – Lessons From October 2016

Being in front is difficult, so we get used to hiding

If you aren’t hiding, you’re vulnerable.

When you make a mistake in the crowd, it’s simple to dismiss. If you do so out front, it’s magnified. We clearly see our flaws.

As a result, we hide. 

We tell ourselves it’s far easier to do nothing or work with no discretion. We dismiss our creativity in the name of perfection. We use it as an excuse to stop showing up.  Therefore we need to pay attention to what we need to show up every day.

We also see safety as a way to avoid the pain.

Except, by avoiding it, we stagnate ourselves and fill ourselves with regret, which brings us to the shame and guilt game.

You avoid that by showing up in the face of that potential pain, because it isn’t suffering, it’s a lesson.  Lessons aren’t free.

The lesson of this month, for me, is that hiding isn’t saving us from pain, it’s blocking us from growth. Internally we sense this, so we replace that feeling with regret.

Pain heals, disappointment stays.

Therefore, all the pain in the world isn’t worth an ounce of regret.

Don’t hide.

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Guilt – You’re Doing it to Yourself to Hide

Guilt is addictive

When we fail someone personally, our internal narrative switches into guilt mode.

“We didn’t “show up” so now it’s time to beat ourselves.”

Secretly, though, this feels good. Nothing feels better than a guilt trip. You get to show the world just how sorry you are through self-inflicted punishment.

And before you tell me that someone else made you guilty, you have agency here. You make the final decision.

It feels right to punish ourselves because it creates a story someone else can follow. A narrative is nice when you give a stump speech, not so nice when you create false stories that give your ego a hiding place. It lets you give yourself points to show the world that you care.

It’s nonsense, because no one is keeping score.

It is a complex way to hide, nothing more.

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Ask Yourself – What Do I Need to Do to Show Up Everyday?

Consistency wins in the end

I think asking the question, ‘How to I succeed?’ isn’t the most important one.”

It’s valuable, don’t get me wrong. There are good results when we take the time to visualize and understand the difficulty of the “finish line.”

It just isn’t the most important one.

I think a more important question is “How do I show up every day?”

Making something is hard work. There will be days where you don’t want to engage. How will you respond?

It’s difficult to think about us “losing” and “failing,” however it is necessary if we want to make things consistently. If we don’t, we allow ourselves places to hide.

Time gets away from us all if we let it.

Don’t let yourself hide from possible failure, because it opens the door for real failure to show up.

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Cooperating isn’t Resigning – No One Has To “Win”

I once heard great advice.

“One should always be wary when presented with a binary choice.”

That is to say, if you have an “either/or,” where it can only be “this way or that way,” you need to be careful; there is probably more to learn.

Why is this important?

When talking about feelings, I usually hear one of two options:

  • Fight them
  • Resign yourself to them

This is the two option trap. As convenient as it is to split the world into black and white, there are side effects to such thinking.

In this example, you left yourself two options. Both create “sides” and through that, one side has to win, and the other has to lose. Win-loss scenarios are a breeding ground for hiding.

We don’t have to hide.

There are more options when we deal with our emotions, like cooperation.

People think cooperating and resigning are the same. They aren’t.

When one resigns themselves to feelings, they let them run free. With that freedom, they are unpredictable and controlling.

When one cooperates, they create boundaries, validating those feelings but not letting them control. There is no battle. One can listen.

And when you listen, neither side has to hide.

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