Tag: hiding

Categories
Blog Post

Hiding is Tricky – Lessons From October 2016

Being in front is difficult, so we get used to hiding

If you aren’t hiding, you’re vulnerable.

When you make a mistake in the crowd, it’s simple to dismiss. If you do so out front, it’s magnified. We clearly see our flaws.

As a result, we hide. 

We tell ourselves it’s far easier to do nothing or work with no discretion. We dismiss our creativity in the name of perfection. We use it as an excuse to stop showing up.  Therefore we need to pay attention to what we need to show up every day.

We also see safety as a way to avoid the pain.

Except, by avoiding it, we stagnate ourselves and fill ourselves with regret, which brings us to the shame and guilt game.

You avoid that by showing up in the face of that potential pain, because it isn’t suffering, it’s a lesson.  Lessons aren’t free.

The lesson of this month, for me, is that hiding isn’t saving us from pain, it’s blocking us from growth. Internally we sense this, so we replace that feeling with regret.

Pain heals, disappointment stays.

Therefore, all the pain in the world isn’t worth an ounce of regret.

Don’t hide.

Books – My Goodreads Account

Newsletter – Subscribe Here

Did you know I send a newsletter out every Sunday? It is more personal than the blog, combining my personal stories with an overarching theme.  I also throw in some great links that I’ve found on the internet.

Categories
Blog Post

Don’t Generate a Shame Engine

The shame engine is out to get you

I’ve never felt proud of not “showing up,” and I doubt you have either. You create regret.  Regret is a “shame engine,” an act that generates shame. The thing about a shame engine is that while it feels like a terrible burden, secretly you love it.

It completes a narrative.

The thing is, there is no story to end.

The result of shame isn’t us “acting better,” it is us acting worse. There is nothing good that comes of it.

Since we are shameful, anyone else that hangs around us must be a disgrace as well. As a result, shame just damages all of our relationships.

Don’t succumb to making a shame engine;  destroying our relationships is a form of hiding.

Categories
Blog Post

Don’t Give Yourself a Place to Hide

Creating something is violent because it changes things.

It is why Steven Pressfield named his classic book “The War of Art.” Being uncomfortable in spaces of comfort and shipping is the difference between those who lead and those who don’t.

Tricky stuff, because when you are leading yourself into an area of uncomfortability, you pull all types of things to help you hide.

For example, I let my apartment get messy.

I could stay out late, drink too much, or over work myself. Then the excuses start to fly.

All it takes is two or three days of this behavior and my apartment is a complete mess. Now, instead of expending all my energy on my work, I have to ask “Should I put this away?” and get away from my momentum. It gets harder to ship.

My “comfortable self” knows that I’ll quit if it gets too hard.

Pay attention, and you’ll notice the uncomfortability.

And get over it.

Categories
Blog Post

The Finish Line

Shall I cross?

The obvious question is the first one (seen above). Once we get closer to the finish line, another question awaits us.

Is it worth it?

In a calm place, like where you are most likely reading this, the answer is simple, “yes.”

However, when we are in the thick of things, closing out a project, we do all sorts of mental calculus to figure out if crossing the finish line is worth our time.

Some of the questions we ask ourselves include:

  • How will I look?
  • What is everyone going to think?
  • Who am I to do this?

Often, the hardest part of a problem is starting to solve it. After that, it is finishing. The curses of “being perfect” and “is it the best” can stop us in our tracks.

Our minds crave comfort and normalcy. The minute we decide to provide something new to the world, we fly in the face of that.

It comes with an emotional, mental cost. We have chosen to choose growth over stagnation. Nothing is free.

The truth is, those questions above, and many others, don’t matter. Learning how to conquer those does.

Categories
Blog Post

Stare at the Hiding Spots

Take a look, a deep look.

We’ve heard it is rude to stare.

However, sometimes we need to stare at the things that cause us to hide.

Staring gives us a perspective that glancing or looking doesn’t.  It gets uncomfortable because we notice imperfections.

That’s ok.

When it comes to reasons why we “hide,” those imperfections tell us a lot about who we are.

So, stare.

Categories
Blog Post

People Know More & Less About You Than You Think

Surprise!

People around you (trusted advisors, mentors, bosses) tend to know more about you than you think:

  • Who you are
  • What you’ve done
  • How you’ve felt in the past

They know little about:

  • What you are thinking
  • What your plans are
  • How you want to do things, conduct business, uplevel, create/invent/compose?

They are our mistakes, and it is our future.

We hide our decisions from others. We are afraid of our mistakes in the past swallowing up the potential of the future.

“They remember our last mistakes, why even tell them?”

It might sting, and there is something useful in hearing your old mistakes from time to time. You miss out on context by not telling them. The hints to your past are a roadmap to errors in your future. 

Like the Romans who left a slave to say the emperor “you are only a man” after a triumph, sometimes it’s good to get a little dose of someone else’s perception.

They see mistakes you haven’t, and the hints to your past are often a roadmap to errors in your future.

Even if it hurts, the beautiful thing about the future is that is in our hands. 

Most people aren’t out to get you.

If you open yourself up, you’ll find that people are often out to lift you.

Categories
Blog Post

Expectations, Screwdrivers, and Running Uphill

Making something is hard.

When you do it enough, you face failure, and usually, a lot of it.

We think if we just get one thing to work, then it’s all downhill from there.

Eventually, if you keep showing up, something works. 

Now you have a reputation. 

With a reputation, you realize that it isn’t downhill, it’s uphill.  It’s not easier; it’s harder to work.

Before, people didn’t know who you were, and now, there is an expectation. You have to fight the initial barrier to creating while making sure you don’t succumb to the weight of “expectation.”

You have to deliver! You made it happen before, do it again.

Hiding is easier because of the shadow of expectations.  

However, there is an opportunity for growth with expectation. We gain muscles by working against resistance, not with it.

When there is the expectation, you can grow.

I think of expectation like a screwdriver. Like the screwdriver, the expectation is never far from any do-it-yourself (DIY) job because it gets things done. However, screwdrivers pike up. They are useful and small, so if we misplace one, we grab another to take its place. Many toolboxes have too many screwdrivers taking up space because they haven’t cleared them out. 

We overload ourselves with expectations that we haven’t cleared out. It is worth the time so you can lighten your load.

After that, use the right screwdriver (expectation) to knock out the job (creative project).

Then get a bigger project.

Categories
Blog Post

Growth is Painful – Eternal Summer is a Desert

Don’t let pain stop progress

Showing up, it isn’t free. No pain, no gain.

You give space to the outside world to judge your work. Putting who you are in the town square means the crowd can sling stones at you. When you ship constantly, this isn’t a matter of if, it is a matter of when. 

Also, we are our worst critics. Your internal critic plays off of any sound (and no sound at all for that matter) to “confirm” your self-doubt. When you don’t ship, you make excuses.

You open yourself up for pain.

With that said, we have to remember winter facilitates spring. An eternal summer creates a desert.

Pain is the first step towards growth. It clears a path so our inner selves can test our mettle and eliminate our assumptions.

We get to make good on an idea.

That’s impossible when we hide.

Hiding from pain means hiding from growth.

Categories
Blog Post

Don’t Let Work Give You a Place to Hide

Our brains crave focus.

With focus, our brains work faster and better. We have limited energy. Focus enhances it.

The question is, can we focus and think?

No. Brains do one thing at a time. Our brains function as single objects.

How does that tie into our month’s theme, hiding?

We can subconsciously work to hide from our thoughts.

That all-consuming feeling you get focusing on a project? It is useful when you don’t want to think. Going into “workaholic” mode causes the world to fall away.

That is why it’s important to ask yourself if the work matters and if you’ve given yourself time to think.

It’s easy to hide.

Categories
Blog Post

What Do You Want?

Simple enough right?

It’s an easy question when:

  • You want what everyone else wants
  • It’s a societal fit
  • Money is on the table

However, your wants don’t sync up with those options all the time. We live complicated lives.

When we feel things getting complicated, we often say “I don’t know.”

That is a lie.

We may not know everything. However, we are aware. There is something there, we just have to vocalize it.

Be honest in that moment.

That’s when the hard, human work can begin. Avoid hedging. We say where we start.

That honesty provides a starting point for us to get what we want.

So, what do you want?

 

 

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started