Tag: humiliation

[bctt tweet=”There is no revenge worse than self revenge”]

Humiliation stinks. For me, it is worse than embarrassment. Being embarrassed comes with a confidence cost, but for me, it means that I made a mistake and I have to find a way to fix it. I can turn embarrassment into a puzzle solved, and when it’s solved, it becomes a wonderful story told at dinner parties or presentations or comedy. I lose, then I win, and then we all enjoy. Humiliation is when its unfair – I didn’t make a mistake but I am suffering as if I did. I don’t know why I suffer, but I do. It seeps into the rest of your day.

I’ve taken my humiliation out on the people around me before.  I’ve made a mental note to “get revenge”. I’ve smiled and wished ill on people. But recently, I’ve taken a step back and realized that how I take the humiliation is more of a reflection on my pain, and not of the other person.

In short, my perspective is wrong.

Now,  the hardest part of finding this out is realizing that there is no revenge worse than self revenge, and that’s the type of revenge I went for these years.  It is a lot easier to shut down and start trying to get “after it” instead of turning the other cheek. I feel protected when I shield myself. When I close in, no one can hurt me any more, in fact, now “its time to turn the tables”.

But I wasn’t turning the tables. When you shut down, you only turn on yourself. No one feels the hurt more than you do. Even on the “get back”, even when “I’ve won”, I never felt better. The event still sits with me.  Self revenge is letting your energy waste away on these things. Large amounts of energy spent on the past leads no where.

When you shut down, you shut off yourself. You see with your brain, not with your eyes. By covering up, I kept that energy with me. I made myself worse with the stress. Instead of opening up with a curious mind, I shut down, replaying the humiliation and figuring out how to get back. We all have limited energy, by holding on to that humiliation, I am wasting mine.