Tag: intrigue

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Follow-up Questions – Intriguing, Cynical, Fearful :-)

I love asking follow-up questions.

Part of me gets intrigued when someone goes deeper.

Another more cynical part of me hopes the person can’t answer.

Another part of me gets scared that I pushed them too far.

I think all three parts create the balance in conversation, and more specifically, in follow-up questions.

What is the intriguing part?

Asking questions is a skill, one that takes time to develop. Each time I get the opportunity to ask a follow-up question, I get a chance to work on it. It’s a small window that lets me test how I ask questions.  It is usually successful, because people love to talk about themselves.

There is also a chance that the conversation takes a turn I didn’t expect. I love these moments, because they increase my knowledge base and add some fun to any conversation. Those unforeseen turns make dinner conversation exciting.

What is the cynical part?

I’ve learned that follow-up questions lead to interesting answers. In some cases, they lead to no answer at all. My inner cynic is waiting for that moment, to confirm his main thought, that “no one knows anything.”

There is a purpose for this, though: The most deft in conversation use that inner cynic to know when to move on, and not to press. If I don’t let it go, it presses me towards the third part of this post.

What is the fear part?

Fear is everywhere. I have a ton of fear in conversations, but when it concerns follow-up questions, sometimes I hold back because I don’t want to go too far. When someone loves what they talk about, they love nothing more than a follow-up question. However, if someone doesn’t know, is posturing, or is having a slow night then there is nothing more terrifying than the follow-up question.

The cynic pushes me here sometimes, and I often regret it. Nobody wins, so watch the ego.

Follow-up questions need to exist.

Even with the fear of exposing yourself, conversation gets better, generally, with follow-up questions. They give you a chance to get to know the people around you, continue conversations, and dance with some internal daemons*. When it comes to conversation and building relationships, do more, not less.

 

*Not demons 😉

 

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Positioning Matters – What You See Isn’t What You Get

Positioning matters.

The one thing I love about good political drama on TV is that it shows this clearly through the fourth wall. “House of Cards” (Netflix) is especially good in the first season for giving viewers a bird’s-eye view on how much it matters on every decision.

If you have 13 hours, take a minute to watch, and see how Francis Underwood takes advantage of every room,every negotiation, and even every sentence with how he positions himself. He does it to force the other people to react, giving him a distinct advantage.

Now, take a step back and look at the news, and how they position themselves to dispense fear, or even more dubious, companies like Wal-Mart position themselves to victimhood (like they have with the minimum wage thing)

How you get to the table matters.

We like to think that our brain is able to discern the priority of things, and that we are able to see the things that don’t matter. We don’t. In fact, the most charming of us use this to manipulate.  Moving something slightly to the left, a question inflected differently, or the right smile can lead us to our doom. This isn’t an intelligence issue. It goes deeper, to our instincts, which in some situations leave us high and dry.

So pay attention

We have limited willpower. It takes energy and time to try to see through little tricks.  The best defense, though, is to try to understand that it is happening, and place yourself in the safest position possible.  You don’t have to manipulate, but understand that sometimes the best defense is a great offense.

Get in the right positions, learn how to read the people around you, and know that what you see isn’t always what you get.

 

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An Interesting ‘i’ Word That Make You Do The Work

Go for it – the inspiration zone.

How many times have you sat down to begin something and you just felt that magic strike?

You got in rhythm, and all of a sudden, the rest of the world stops. You are in the zone, you accomplished flow, and everything is right with the world.

The inspiration zone, where things click. Not only do they click, they click and feel wonderful.

This all wonderful. When it happens, I think everyone feels like a magician. Everyone wants to work in this state, and people think it’s the only way to work, but there is one big problem with it.

If you wait for it, it never happens.

That’s the wrong ‘i’ word

Never is too strong of a word, but it fits. People who wait for inspiration never start a lot of things. The things they do start rarely get finished. They get stuck, waiting for a magical muse to come by and sprinkle the fairy dust that get them started.

We all know someone who wants to get into work, but has to wait on the mood to strike. As if the world must wait for their genius, and that doesn’t happen unless it happens on their time.

Alright, now wipe that smug look off your face since you probably thought of Jerry. Jerry may do it a lot, but if you did some soul-searching, you would realize that you do it a lot yourself. If you don’t you already know the ‘i’ word I am alluding to, and you use it often.

I applaud you(try to help Jerry when you can though)

The right one is intuition

Intuition is scary.

What makes it scary is that there are no books that you point to. There is no degree that lets you or anyone else get themselves off the hook. Intuition forces you to listen to that little person inside and decide. Most of those decisions fall into the realm of “this might work” .

The great thing is following this ‘i’ word is that it is the fastest way to another one that is now one of the biggest reasons something big fails or succeed.

Innovation.

 

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