Tag: June

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Lessons Learned – June 2018

Mind and Body

Every month is a month to experiment, aligned with a theme. With each theme, I want to turn those experiments into action, so at the end of the month, I write, publicly, some of the successes and failures I have, and lessons I want to take moving forward.

The goal – something actionable that we can take home and use today.

  • Mind
    • Successes: Breathing
    • Failures: Meditation, Gratitude
    • Lesson: If I don’t do something every day, scheduled and “habitualized,” they won’t happen.
    • Moving forward: Meditation and gratitude need to happen on a daily basis, and tied to something (commute maybe?)
  • Body
    • Successes: Sleep
    • Failures: Gym, Diet
    • Lesson: Habits matter and I am not an every other day guy. I need to find a way to keep things continuous.
    • Moving forward: Daily gym routine, meal plans.
  • Life
    • Successes: Job search, Life As Usual Video Launch!
    • Failures:  Writing/Product (double yikes!!)
    • Lesson:  I over-promised while not considering my mental space
    • Moving forward: So, find a time and schedule things on the calendar over the next month. I was successful with that.
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“No” is Powerful In Many Ways – Wrap-Up For June 2016

“No” is a powerful word for discovery, too.

I started this month in one direction: “no” is a word primarily used for power dynamics.

I thought of “no” just as a way to bend one’s will.

What I realized, however, is that “no” is a word is not just a word of power. “No,” is a way to explore ourselves and the community around us.

“No” has just as much worth as a word of discovery.

“No” leads to external discovery.

Putting our ideas into the world is dangerous to our  ego because we hear the word “no.” Ideas are our babies in a sense, and because of that, sometimes we hide the idea from our community.

Except in most circumstances, our community wants us to succeed, and the only danger that could happen by putting an idea out there is hearing the word “no.”

This starts a conversation and creates pushback, a good thing. This conversation causes awareness and through that, possible alignment*. When we make those around us aware, we create a connection.

We, as human beings, crave connection. Without a connection to something, most of us can’t work at our best.

“No” leads to internal discovery:

As much as we think we always act in our best interests, we don’tIn deciding to say “yes” to ourselves all the time, we will sometimes cut off our nose to spite our face.

We have the last word when it comes to the decisions we make.The outside world is powerful in its own right, but it is worth the time to train the “kill switch.” In this case, the “kill switch” is the word “no.”

If we don’t, it leads us to some behavior that wastes energy to get “satisfaction.” These behaviors have consequences, the most important one being that they waste your time. No one keeps score.

This doesn’t mean become a robot. Our emotions matter, and are an important guide to understanding ourselves. They aren’t the end of the line. Emotions can take control,but we always have the “kill switch.”  There is always a better decision, and “no” helps us get there.

*I say possible alignment because alignment isn’t the end goal, you shouldn’t always listen to the crowd.

Top 10 Posts for the Month:

Books Read

Newsletter Links

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A Word For Freedom -“No” – June 2016

I feel guilty when I use it.

But after I get over that, I recognize that I decided.

  • I decided to give more time back to the projects I feel are important.
  • I decided to spend more time with myself.
  • I decided to enjoy the company of friends.

All three of those things aren’t shameful, and yet, when we use the word “no” we end up feeling that way.

I know that boundaries are important, attention improves your ability to appreciate, and decision-making is the difference between designing your life and letting your life design you. 

“No” is a word that helps you do all three of those things. It’s why I want to explore “no”, how it works, how I feel when I use it, and tactics that help me say it more.

This month’s theme ties into abstinence

At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

To say no is to abstain.  I find myself over-committing, and I realize that I can’t make the most of the opportunity I am given. This affects everything in my life, so I recognize that if I get better at saying no, then I get better at giving value to the world around me.

Reread candidate

The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness
by James Altucher – This book was tremendous the first time I read it. I am curious what I will see if a focus on the word no.

Assumptions

  • I don’t like saying “no” because of potentially failing someone.
  • I don’t like hearing “no” because I frame it as a personal attack.
  • Defaulting to “no” will increase my time to focus, which will improve my attention and decision-making.

 

 

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The Outro: Emotional Intelligence

At the beginning of 2015, I decided to make every month have a theme. For June, I decided on emotional intelligence. My main goal was to understand myself more, and be able to temper myself to understand others better. I often censor myself, trying to fit in, and I pay for it by not being able to communicate how I feel and be honest with myself.  I missed the opportunity to connect with people by locking any part of myself away that didn’t seem right. It is like putting a limiter on a burner.

Over the last month I realized how much of a journey this is. I find myself, a month later, at the start of understanding, but I am excited to move forward and learn.

Wins:

  • Meditation: I have restarted and begun to meditate . Much like when I restarted this blog, I started small, and just kept my nose down and started. It has been a struggle, but I have learned a lot about myself just by sitting in silence for 20 minutes a day. I am not good at it by any means, but it is a skill I want to continue to pursue. It helps my emotional intelligence by making me slow down and understand my thought process.
  • 5 Minute Journal: I have begun to write in this. It hasn’t been as consistent as the Meditation, but I get to it every two days or so. It is starting to get hard to write what I am grateful for, but I think that is part of the challenge. When I do it, it adds to my emotional intelligence by forcing me to think of what I want to do and what I have done.

Losses:

  • My GMAT Study: I have let this slide completely. I have to take this up again in earnest. It is a reminder of how much work grad school is.
  • Thank You’s: I haven’t written a Thank You note this month. This is something I want to take in as a daily practice, but I find it hard to steady myself to do it. Even a simple twitter Thank You is hard to do because I am afraid of how it’s received.
  • Listening: My listening skills are horrible. I am becoming aware of them and it bothers me how often I wait for my time to talk.
  • Note-taking Skills: I need to get these ASAP.

Important Posts:

 

Books:

Habits:

My emotional intelligence is better today than where I started at the beginning of the month.  meditation practice and journal are growing. There is a baseline that is developing here for me to grow on.

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