Tag: lesson

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2017 In Review: The Major Lesson

The Lesson Is…

August 2017:

Picture me sitting on my couch in a sticky New York City apartment, hands on my head on the verge of tears.

Somewhere, somehow, I lost something.

That thing? Courage.

The lesson? Courage is a muscle, and I had let it atrophy. I didn’t know it then, but soon, it would be evident.

One of the people I look to as a paragon of courage is Cornel West.

The Harvard professor, no matter the moment, seems to lean on his extensive reading of history, morality, philosophy, divinity, politics, and organizing to be a voice for the voiceless, from around the world.

He has done this during unpopular administrations in the United States Critiquing the foreign and domestic policy of each regime, with the focus of the defenseless (often people of color and LGBTQ). For that, he received a ton of praise.

He also did it during the administration of the first black and highly popular president, one where most black intellectuals were silent.

For this, he has found himself on the outs with many “well to do” African Americans, a group that was once his base of support.

Even so, every day and every speech, he lobbies for the voiceless, while being called every name under the sun.

Is he perfect? Not at all. None of us are. I am sure someone who may read this will bring up a critique of Dr. West. Perhaps it is valid.

However, one thing you cannot do is mention a lack of courage. Dr. West has been a consistent voice for the voiceless, both when it beloved and when it isn’t.

When I sat on that couch in August, I recognized that while I held on to many things, like anger and resentment, I let courage go by the wayside.

This year has been hard for me emotionally.
While I’ve spent hours with my team working on building Life as Usual into something interesting, speaking at wonderful events, and writing, I also had dreams dashed, work demolished and felt disrespected.

That caused me to stop working on being vulnerable and retreat. That retreat caused me a lot of pain.I need courage as fuel as a firestarter. When I shut it off to feel protected, I start a feedback loop that damages me psychologically.

In 2016, in the middle of me quitting a job and losing my startup, I felt okay, because it was a courageous year. What looked devastating on the outside was terrific on the inside because I constantly worked the muscle.

2017 was the opposite. I got more comfortable, and I turned courage into some event, instead of a daily practice that I had when I was more unstable.

When I look at Cornel West, he walks, talks, and acts courageously because in his existence he works his courage out by telling the truth. He seems not to resent anyone and calls everyone brother or sister. He recognizes everyone’s humanity (even when a “side” doesn’t want him to).

I recognize for me to do the same, I’ll need to get back to leaning on the daily courage to sustain me.

The good news is that with a new year, there will be plenty of opportunities. If you read this, feel free to keep me honest.

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Over-communicating is All About You – What I Learned in May 2016

Get selfish

Over-communicating is as much about dealing with yourself as it is dealing with another person.

That is counter-intuitive, but through looking at the world with an “over-communication” first lens, I realized that my effectiveness with carrying out tactics relied on how I dealt with internal strife.

I didn’t see this as a chance to deal with self-awareness, but here I realized that all the tactics in the world won’t help you with communicating unless you listen to yourself first.

Battles with depression, fear, and impostor syndrome came with every time I confirmed a meeting, told someone something difficult, or didn’t hedge my opinion.  Prior to this month, I got away from those things because it was uncomfortable.  I saw failure before each one of those decisions.

How many times have you confirmed a meeting with someone and felt pushy?

That feeling of being “pushy” is fear. And it obstructs you from seeing that confirmation doesn’t make you seem anxious, it makes you look like a compassionate professional .

Compassionate?

Yes, it shows respect for someone’s time and respect for their character. It displays enough vulnerability to allow them to make decisions.

Even if you fail, even if what you fear comes true, it saves you time. Time is the most valuable resource we have. Our focus and our filtering decide how effective we are in the world.

“Over-communicating” is time intensive, so you need to focus and filter.

In order to make it count, you need to understand that your “selfishness” creates the space for you to communicate effectively.

If you don’t, you end up second guessing yourself and dealing with regrets, an emotion that I find far more punishing that failure. There are failures I laugh at now, I never laugh at regrets.

So deal with the fear, get vulnerable, and don’t let regret have room. You are better for it.

Biggest Lesson – Listening to yourself gives you the ability to over-communicate, and therefore become more effective to the world around you.

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The Lesson, Not The Experience.

Well, That Was Bad

I bungled a presentation in front of the senior leadership that I sweated over and ultimately got wrong. It affected my work over the next week and threw me into a depression.

Lesson: Always know the game rules before playing.

True story. I tried to pitch something that was a slam dunk and realized I wasn’t prepared for the moment. That initiative took two more years and I failed to show my potential.

When we learn lessons, they often come with some experience. Sometimes it’s awful, but you get to take the lesson with you.

Don’t make the mistake of taking the experience with you.

If you aren’t careful, you risk becoming the experience instead of becoming yourself.

Your self is dynamic, resilient, antifragile.

Your experience is static, spiritless, fragile. 

This is a major difference between being a leader and being bitter. The leader just takes the lesson.

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Pain Is Sharp & Dull

Pain

Pain is interesting to me.

I spent the last few days thinking about pain, and how it affects us.

When pain hits, it usually comes in two flavors – sharp and dull. Both affect you in a different way.

Sharp pain is a quick. Put your hand on a hot stove, that pain is going to hit you in the hand, and its going to sting. Same thing with a bee, stubbing your toe, or getting punched. The pain hits you with a sharp sting.

What follows after is the dullness. That throbbing that just sits there, and sticks around. The burn that happens after putting the hand on the stove, the bruise after the stubbed toe, and the black eye are good representations of dull plain.

What are the effects?

Sharp pain makes you present. It connects the world to you in a, well painful, way. It’s why you instinctively go for a smack to wake someone up(not a great way to wake up a friend).  As much as that person won’t like you, it will wake them up.

Dull pain works as a reminder. After a long enough period, its routine.  Burned your hand, well, every time you get that dull pain, it reminds you of the stove you ought to avoid.

So whats the point?

Not all things that hurt are bad. Pain isn’t the problem if you turn the perspective. What I used to think was a bad thing, something hurting, just was a lesson I needed to learn.

Pain isn’t weakness leaving the body, as is so often said. What it is though, is a great reminder of what is happening in our lives and who we are.  Don’t regret something bad when it happens, look for the lesson,and it you find that the world gives you a ton to learn, it’s just up for you to listen.

 

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