Tag: life

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Negative Visualization & Life In Moments

When someone says prepare to fail, it used to make my stomach drop.

Ego isn’t something my mind takes lightly. Doing things to avoid failure is one of the meta drawbacks I have dealt with. I had various methods, from using my sense of humor, to quitting, to just plain making excuses to get out of things that I didn’t see myself winning. And I did this for everything, from video games to classes in college. My friends used to make me sit behind them so I didn’t “trip” and turn off the game system.

We are talking that deep.

So when I heard of negative visualization, or the act of visualizing the worst possible scenario and sitting in it, I thought it wasn’t for me. My ego couldn’t take that hit, and I couldn’t admit to that being the cause (the ego loves to hide) . I read about it,  pushed it to the far recesses of my memory, labeled it something to talk about at networking events to sound interesting , and didn’t think about it again until it popped up in another article,book,or conversation I was having.

Then, I ended up booked(I do stand up comedy)  at a show I didn’t prepare for.

Usually this isn’t a problem when it’s in some bar, where the stakes were lower, but this was a much bigger event.  And, I had to do new material, none of the things I’ve honed over the years. This added a new level of stress.

I tried a bunch of methods, and I calmed myself, but I didn’t feel ready. Then, I remembered negative visualization. I sat down, closed my eyes, and imagined, second by second, everyone at the show not laughing, none of my jokes working, and people getting angry.

I fought my ego every step of the way, but eventually I got through it. I opened my eyes, and suddenly, I felt better. The anxiety lifted.

Soon I performed, and with that baseline in my head, the second I got my first laugh, the rest was gravy.

This technique helped my life by showing me that the worst, when you think about it, and mentally live through it, isn’t the boogie man. It is just a moment in your life.

 

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No Cell Phone Day 2 – No One Died

I got home late last night – about 15 hours with no cell phone.

Came back to a few messages, a few emails, and a lot clearer head.

Took care of my cell phone business – which took about 15 minutes, and went about my evening.

I woke up this morning, went into my old habit of checking my cell phone when I woke up, and then put it aside.  Got dressed, walked to work – no phone.

No one died, no business crashed, nothing crazy happened. I just went on about my day yesterday.

Perfect chance to do it again.

I am noticing:

  • No Music – I’ve experimented with this on and off for the last few weeks. With no phone, I can’t listen to anything.My mind is clearing up during the day, and it has time to work through some things.
  • Speaking More – I find myself talking in my head more. Usually music or a text gets my attention, but with nothing on around me my internal engine starts going.
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Taking The Initiative

Taking the initiative is hard. It is uncomfortable. It makes me wince.

I always think of the worst scenarios when I think of raising my hand. Is someone going to call on me and allow me to embarrass myself? Is the rest of the class going to laugh? Will they banish me in the prison in the basement (I get this ridiculous). None of these things have ever happened to me when I raised my hand. In fact, the opposite generally happens. I usually answer something or pose a better question. If I don’t, then usually someone says something that gets me back into the right frame of mind. It’s generally a win-win, and I don’t need to worry about being jailed in some imaginary dungeon.

Many great journeys in life begin with a touch of uncomfortable.

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“No One Else Works Around Here”

“No one else works around here.”

We are all guilty of it. Sometimes we feel unappreciated. As a result, we begin to look for someone who isn’t “pulling their share”. We now have someone to throw our hurt on. “So and so isn’t doing any work – how dare they”.

I used to do it often. For me, it was an escape. I got to show my worth when anyone asked by pointing out my accomplishment compared to someone else. I would tell anyone who would listen, and I would look for some sort of praise when I did it. Sometimes, people would agree, and then we would have long conversations about who wasn’t pulling their weight. It’s intoxicating, telling yourself and others that you are the real hero. Getting positive feedback about it feels better still.

This is a waste of energy. I realized it when sitting by a water cooler (how cliché was that) I found myself, again, complaining. Nothing got done.  All we did was indulge ourselves with negative energy through gossip. It’s the stuff that feels good going down but paralyzes us coming out.

By focusing on what people “do” we take time away from doing what we can. We waste our energy on petty things instead of making ourselves a high performer. That energy could be used to create something remarkable. If the mission where you are inst critical, take the gossip time and start building your own thing. There is opportunity out there for people who can create through any circumstance.

With that said, if you find yourself where you are creating, and no one else is doing anything (this can happen), and the mission doesn’t make sense (this is just a job)… I suggest two options.

A) Go find a place where you aren’t shouldering all the work

B) If that isn’t so easy, do stuff that matters until someone can’t help but hire you.

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Don’t Slave To Results

I pray I don’t become a slave to result.

It’s easy to look at the things in front of us and attach reason to them. I have seen my mind work in mysterious ways. For example, I will attribute my current stance to the score of the game on television. I know this doesn’t make any rational sense, but on game day, if I watch intensely, squat in front of the TV, and clap – I am helping the cause.

This sort of thing is fine when harmlessly watching a football game. Actually, I think it’s fun and adds some spice to the festivities. I only worry about it when it comes to serious decision-making. Leaning on the result gods and doing a rain dance to change the quarterly reports isn’t helpful and not very fun either.

The worst thing about result is that it can’t repeat.  Fun dancing aside, when you look squarely on result you look squarely on chance to make something happen. Chance is wily. There is a chance I leap out of bed and get struck by lightning. There is a chance I just get up and go to work like usual. You can’t rely on chance.

You can rely on process. Process is improvable and trackable. I’d rather put my energy there.

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Imposing Scary Hard Stuff

It’s imposing. It’s scary. It’s hard.

‘It’ – is anything worth doing.

The great thing about doing things that are imposing,scary,and hard is not many people can. It is a skill that transforms the people who use it. Dealing with your fear is more powerful than fear itself. You can defeat the monster.

Since it is a skill, it gets better with time. The goals stretch, and the world (your world) gets to know the person it deals with. It is one of the secrets of getting your best work.  Doing imposing scary hard stuff makes you tough. By dealing with the ego and the pain of losing you become a winner.

It is why I hate the term “It must be easy for….” It screams defeatist. A way to hold yourself back from what might be difficult by turning the discussion into a judgement for the other person.  It  allows you to marginalize the other person and her work. It is your ego at play, doing what it does best to protect you from the hard work of vulnerability. It must be easy for him, he has a degree. It must be easy for her, she has a mentor. It must be easy for them, the teacher likes them. It must be easy for you to say, you have/haven’t _______.

That is a habit to keep you from doing things that hurt. It is a fail safe from life. By blocking the trouble of “this might not work” you are dooming yourself. You cut your potential. You waste time. You cannot get that back.It is our most precious resource.  But there is nothing stopping anyone from starting today. There is no age limit.

Nothing is more imposing scary or hard as death. A close second is the agony of a life unfulfilled.

 

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Confusion is Subjective

Confusion about anything leads me down a road I don’t like. Exits on that road include anger, sadness, and usually depression. I hate being confused more than anything in the world. It is arresting,  since depression tends to make every decision cloudy. You just don’t feel good about anything.

Why would confusion make me depressed? Never could figure that out. Confusion seems like a normal emotion to have. Aren’t we always confused?

Two words that are cousins to me are confusion and ignorance. Ignorance isn’t as bothersome, because when you find ignorance,knowledge can defeat it. I like to use the term conquer – it just sounds better than defeat to me. Conquering ignorance! It gives the task energy and spirit. That sounds like a move in a RPG or some great tactic.

What is the difference – and how can one give such a boost while the other drags? Confusion is not knowing why, the subjective side of things. Ignorance is not knowing why, the objective side of things. How do you switch things from subjective to objective? Remove the feelings and take the words as they are – face value.

I should reframe my confusion into ignorance.Confusion is when I take objective criticism and make it subjective, so I need to find some way to make the switch.

That sounds like a skill. You can learn skills. They are  picked up from mentors, read about or taught. I can make skills make sense.  Skills lead to opportunities and opportunities lead to get access to amazing things.

A thought: Nothing helps pull me out of a funk than finding a light at the end of the tunnel. Writing helps me do that.

 

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Garbage In Garbage Out (GIGO)

Garbage in garbage out is a computer science principle that states if you give garbage input to a process, no matter how well designed the process is, you will receive garbage out.We are the total of our fuel plus our desire for change.

I knew about garbage in garbage out (GIGO) but I never thought it effected my daily life. I have come to realize this affects our lives as a whole, no matter who we are, or how much prestige we have.

In fact, I thought I was above it.  We over-estimate ourselves, and I am sure of it by my behavior.  I looked at my behavior today, I have already taken care of 5 things on a random day off, things I would have avoided like the plague, and put off, simply by taking these last few weeks and slowly removing the garbage in my life. It has been a hard journey, one that I will eventually share, but through it I becomes a real believer in the GIGO principle.

One such example.

I used to love morning time crap TV.

Absolutely love it. Set my watch to it. If I were off work, then nothing set my day off right quite like an episode of Maury. For those who lived life on a higher plane – Maury – a show ran by its host, Maury Povich, was a circus of banality headlined by paternity cases and lie detectors. An hour of “gotcha” with badly shot daytime commercials showcasing horrible “for profit colleges” (and as a person who doesn’t care for the standard college, it is concerning, anyone who would engage in its outright disastrous cousin – for profit colleges)

In short, it was absolute garbage for me to enjoy . Garbage in.

Back then, I would be angrier. I had a shorter fuse. I was lazier – in fact, if I did a single other thing outside of my apartment on those days it would be a miracle. My output would crawl to a stop, with none of my goals really done (even superficial ones, like getting through a boss on a video game, seemed like a huge challenge).  Garbage out.

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Learning Opportunity

Try to see the differences of people not as a problem but an opportunity.

Learning how to bridge the gaps of another persons understanding tends to find out where yours are.

Many of us stop before we get there, because its easier to deal with blank spots than the fear we may be wrong.

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Three Sentences

Connecting to the world through my writing seems like it would be a difficult thing to accomplish.

So I am trying to do it with 3 sentences a day – and I am enjoying the process so far.

Every journey starts with a single step, and starting small has helped tremendously – A few days down and a lifetime to go.

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