What I mean by curated is that you’ve made a purposeful decision. Purposeful in the sense that “I clicked this video” or “I went to this conference.”It was a decision you’ve made.
Most engagements with information* have a ton of lessons, usually more than we can get in the first go-around. What is a way to get more out of what I got?
Take some time away from the material, and then do it again.
If you are a note taker, don’t bring the notes you have from the first session with you, draft a new set of notes for the second go.
What I find when I do this is that I see things in a completely different way, usually the way that is relevant now. It’s a step towards understanding and away from skimming.
This sounds time intensive. It is.
The other half of this is understanding how to filter the good from the bad.
Then it requires a lot of “no.”
Your ROI jumps from your own decision making, and I think that’s worth it.
*Decent to good books usually hammer the same information over and over, so they are usually good for just one reading.
[bctt tweet=”If I recorded people during tirades and rants and played them, we would hear the same sentence or point over and over”]
Anger is cyclical.
I never felt better by getting in a fight.
Sure, I felt good, but I never got better.
Ever slip and fall, and laugh with your friends when it happens? An honest laugh, not a laugh to get along, but a deep belly laugh because you recognize the situation, and see the humor in it? To me that’s feeling better about a situation.
Better for me is growth and the ability to put the event behind me, never thought off in a negative light again.
Most encounters don’t feel that way. The ones where I’ve fought, when I think back on it, don’t make me laugh or think about what I’ve learned, those memories lead me back into anger, and it stays unresolved. I regret that anger and I don’t treat myself well as a result.
That understanding, going forward, has made my year better. Anger is a real emotion, however, it doesn’t need control. Even though it drapes everything we do, we are better than that.
Uncontrolled, it’s a treadmill – but anger doesn’t have to. When finding yourself in angry situations, here is what I do to try to get back on track
These don’t work all the time, but more often than not, you will be better than you were before. And being better leads to better memories and self forgiveness.
I have my phone today – and the urge is back.
Urges suck, it is a start reminder of how addiction works, and how plugged in it makes you.
However, with my current knowledge, I know that I don’t want to deal with this anymore.
I saw my self destruction in the form of a map. The idea crystallized right as I was in the middle of it. I didn’t know what to do but to see it through. I followed the lines the writer wrote for me as written, almost to a tee. Fitting it was in an acting class, the thing was theater.
Step One – Parsed Listening: I had to hear everything single thing that was happening around me. I wasn’t listening to see what was happening. Confirmation bias was the only thing I was listening for. In other words, I was looking for a problem and was willing to go to any length to find it. I found it in the form of a few chuckles. I flubbed a line and that laughter came in like full stereo. I froze for a second as my mind processed and connected the dots to make a story fit. It was shocking to see how fast this happened. After that second, my framing for the event was ready and I was off. Solution: Take a second, detach from the moment, watch it pass and get back to it.
Step Two – Disruption: Now with my mind ready to cause a ruckus, I’m ready to start one. I started to shut down emotionally and I pretended to not know lines. It wasn’t even pretended not to know as much as it was a complete fuck you to anyone I was working with. I willed myself to not say them. They would come out two seconds late. It was a huge pause before every session. If they were going to laugh then I was going to shut it down. Solution: Just try to live in the moment. Do the next thing right. Just start with making the next thing right.
Step Three – “False Breakthrough”: I wanted to get this over with, so I went along with everything to get the practice moving. This is enough to get me out of there. I generally give enough of myself at this point to redeem most of step two. The general idea here is to show that I can do it, and I just didn’t want to. This is where I start to think how I can redo step two at another time. The false breakthrough gives me enough time to do it.Solution: Recognize that ‘revenge’ is just another form of anger. The ego bruised, acknowledge it and move on.
Step Four – Seething Anger: This is my specialty. After its done I disconnect and leave anger around me. I unplug from everyone. I stare into space. After a while I add a cryptic layer. I don’t want anyone to know why I am mad, just mad. I look at the people who “wronged” me. I look out the window. Anything to show my disinterest. If I am in a closed space where everyone is talking, I put my headphones on.Solution: Breathe deeply, think of something you are grateful for. Focus on that.
Step Five – Passive Aggressive Professionalism: If I have to do something after this point, I set up the next meeting immediately. If you ask what is making me angry, I will tell you nothing. I am most vulnerable here though. If you badger me I will break. So to keep it going – I use step four to create as much distance as possible to have my emotional wounds heal. Solution: Breathe, write down my angry feelings, and spend the time breaking each one of them down. Let some time pass, apologize, and schedule something after.
This has been the first time I wrote this. Perfect time, perfect month to start working on these issues. If I can’t show them, or offer solutions(bold) then they will stick. Self destruction happens way more often, but I do appreciate that I can finally find it.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 