loop – From the desk of Adam Thomas

It’s on your mind.

There is a topic to discuss. Often, I see (and do) one of two things.

Hold my tongue. We decide to spare the person what we need to tell them, and we get frustrated.
Blurt it out. The point wraps around emotion, and it obstructs how the other person could understand.

Both actions leave both parties confused, and when combined, i.e. someone blurting something out then holding their tongue because they didn’t like the result, it can lead to disaster.

How do we get out of this devastating loop?

Here is an exercise.

Exercise:

Write down what you need to tell someone.
Close your eyes, imagine you are in the shoes of the other person. What is important to them?
Look back at your “tell:” how does it address something that is important to them?
Simplify. How can you make that tell as simple as possible, while addressing what’s important to them?
Rewrite what you plan on telling them with this information.

[bctt tweet=”The great thing about understanding a loop is that once you know you are in one, stepping out is as simple as getting off the track. “]

Art scares me.

Art happens when someone tries to do something when they aren’t “supposed” to mixed with an attempt an honesty with a dash of “why” or “why not” instead of I can’t.

That definition sits heavy on my mind.

It has effected my comedy the most. Based on the definition above, and the thoughts above I don’t think most of my comedy is art. Making people laugh is good, but doing it from an honest place matters. It has sucked the joy out of something I once did every night.

It leaves me stuck. When I perform I reconnect for a second, and when it’s off, I am back off again. I used to fiend for the next show, now, saying no is easier than ever. I haven’t stopped completely, but I find myself at a place where I look for understanding.

Here are three thoughts that are cycling in my head.

Getting out of my comfort zone is…not comfortable. I am in a rut, and subconsciously when I find myself getting out of it, I stop the follow through and surrender to the fear.
Honesty is a tricky one because it easy on the extremes. Real “honest” honesty is uncomfortable. Far easier to tell white lies to keep people happy or just as easy be the “I’m just telling it like it is” person claiming “objectivity”. Both bother me because it’s just an excuse to avoid conflict. They also bother me because I do both. The “middle” is difficult because it takes empathy while being objective.
The feeling of belonging, of being enough, and fitting in with just yourself or those around you has eluded me most of my life. In fact, when I am in places, I feel like an eternal outsider. It makes the other two things above easier to avoid.

Trying to do art is difficult.Those three things have caused me to question everything lately.

It isn’t time to quit yet.

Self awareness hurts but it is the first step in moving forward.

That is part of the journey in trying to see. This post is link heavy because I find myself in traps often. By writing through them, I get a chance to see that stuck isn’t forever unless we let it.

[bctt tweet=”Art scares me.”]

The great thing about understanding a loop is that once you know you are in one, stepping out is as simple as getting off the track.