Tag: may

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Lessons Learned – May 2018

Things Learned in May

This was a month that was designed to experiment. I wanted to take apart certain aspects of my life and try different things. Here are some of the things I did, as well as the results.

  • Blog
    • Successes: Link posts, Stray Thoughts,
    • Failures: Video and audio
    • Lesson: I don’t share enough point of view on this blog. Making room for it during the week could help me exercise my writing skills.
    • Moving forward: One or two of those posts per week, let them evolve.
  • LinkedIn
    • Successes: Videos!
    • Failures: Pictures, blog posts.
    • Lesson: Videos are fantastic. People seem to like them.
    • Moving forward: More video content, even haphazard video content to test.
  • Life
    • Successes: Books (Look ma I’m reading again!)
    • Failures: Job search (yikes!), Writing (double yikes!!)
    • Lesson:  I need a process for a few things, and I need to time them:
    • Moving forward: Books in the morning, on commutes, meditation as soon as I wake up, double down on asking for jobs (hmmm).

This was a fun and scary month. I learned a lot.

Thanks for reading.

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What I Learned From “Keep Firing” May 2017

Momentum isn’t free.

The idea of “Keep Firing,” at the beginning of the month, reflected a passion for keeping going. Just strive. Show up.

At the beginning of the month, I wrote:

When I am “figuring out” something, it is usually the point where I am scared. The “resistance” (see the reread candidate) has me locked up.

Now, the minute I start “figuring,” I take a moment and turn it into “firing.”

Keep Firing, May 2017

I missed the entire middle. The middle between figuring and firing is the point.  It’s constant and continual.

It isn’t as simple as just “transferring energy.” It isn’t just a statement, a switch, or a movement. Our brains are a little more complicated than that, and as I mentioned before, the momentum has a cost.

That cost comes in the form of many things, represented by what Steve Pressfield calls, “The Resistance” and comes in many forms. Sometimes, I saw the resistance as some foreign threat, when it fact it isn’t. It’s our toll.  To”keep firing,” we have to pay it.

How do we pay?

Trying new things in small batches, making promises, identifying with our future self, those are good ways to refill the tank.

We don’t just do it once. Resistance comes again and again. We have to keep our tank refilled.

Then we can keep our momentum, and keep firing.

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Over-communicating is All About You – What I Learned in May 2016

Get selfish

Over-communicating is as much about dealing with yourself as it is dealing with another person.

That is counter-intuitive, but through looking at the world with an “over-communication” first lens, I realized that my effectiveness with carrying out tactics relied on how I dealt with internal strife.

I didn’t see this as a chance to deal with self-awareness, but here I realized that all the tactics in the world won’t help you with communicating unless you listen to yourself first.

Battles with depression, fear, and impostor syndrome came with every time I confirmed a meeting, told someone something difficult, or didn’t hedge my opinion.  Prior to this month, I got away from those things because it was uncomfortable.  I saw failure before each one of those decisions.

How many times have you confirmed a meeting with someone and felt pushy?

That feeling of being “pushy” is fear. And it obstructs you from seeing that confirmation doesn’t make you seem anxious, it makes you look like a compassionate professional .

Compassionate?

Yes, it shows respect for someone’s time and respect for their character. It displays enough vulnerability to allow them to make decisions.

Even if you fail, even if what you fear comes true, it saves you time. Time is the most valuable resource we have. Our focus and our filtering decide how effective we are in the world.

“Over-communicating” is time intensive, so you need to focus and filter.

In order to make it count, you need to understand that your “selfishness” creates the space for you to communicate effectively.

If you don’t, you end up second guessing yourself and dealing with regrets, an emotion that I find far more punishing that failure. There are failures I laugh at now, I never laugh at regrets.

So deal with the fear, get vulnerable, and don’t let regret have room. You are better for it.

Biggest Lesson – Listening to yourself gives you the ability to over-communicate, and therefore become more effective to the world around you.

Important Posts

Exercises

Books

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Talk Your Way Through It – Over-communicating – May 2016

Do you like it when people hide?

I hate it.

I do it all the time, though.

Ahh, stop right there. I felt someone get defensive. When I say “over-communicate,” I don’t mean sharing your awful college party secret that you and your friends think is unique but isn’t. I’m talking about the second quarter projections that give you a sinking ship feeling when you go into meetings. I’m talking about losing steam on a point that you think is relevant but you aren’t sure it landed. How about that discussion that you know you should have with your significant other about how you feel, but you keep it bottled up because you don’t want to rock the boat?

All of that isn’t sparing anyone’s feelings: not sharing what’s overwhelmed your mind is hiding because we assume that the messenger gets his head lopped off.

Bu, knowing what to say, how to say it, and then delivering it in a way that everyone is clear gives you a ton of leverage and respect.

That’s what we are working on this month.

This month’s theme ties into communication

At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

It’s a balance that dictates whether you are a wallflower, a leader, or an annoyance. I want to explore that this month since I feel over-communicating is an attack on fear. It’s also recognizing it’s boundaries, learning when you aren’t over-communicating, but babbling and taking over everyone’s time. I want to get to the bottom of both to see what happens.

Reread candidate

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
by Brené Brown – To do this right, I think you need to be vulnerable. There is no better book I’ve read on the subject than this one. 

Assumptions

  • Vulnerability plays a large role in if we dare to overcommunicate.
  • Learning how to use other mediums is effective here.
  • Paying a little bit more of a resource (time, money, etc.) to get “small” things done for the sake of over-communication for leverage.
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The Outro: Network

In the beginning of 2015, I decided I would have a theme each month. For May, I chose networking, then changed it over to network. I decided to work with this theme because networking is hard for me. I compartmentalized and over think, so I spend a lot of time shelving worst case scenarios. I would spend more time doing that then getting to know the people around me. There were a lot of wasted opportunity for me and other people, all because I didn’t speak up or join in the conversation.

Over the last month I have made some solid gains in this area. By no means am I perfect, but I have grown. I have learned a lot about myself, and what I am capable of.

 

Wins:

  • Networking List – I made a networking list, and through it I intend to restart some relationships I lost and connect other people to opportunities.  It was surprising. I didn’t realize how long I had let some things lapse.
  • Commenting – I commented on most articles I saw this month, and it made me get better at making a concise point. I got the opportunity to help people, and I helped myself. My theme for next month comes through commenting.
  • Tech MBA – Through reaching out, I got the opportunity to put some energy behind a new challenge – getting an MBA. I added a practice to my routine (GMAT Practice) which kick started some areas in my brain.

Losses:

  • Hesitation – I missed many goals I planned for specific weeks. I started running into resistance, and it sucks.  Going forward, I am going to start recognizing the changes that happened once I made these changes, and try to just get started
  • Organization – My organization gains slipped this month. I am not where I was before April, but this lets me know that I need to watch this.
  • Reading – My reading slowed down a lot this month. I had to change some things around and that was the first thing to go. I have to make some changes here.

I have a stronger network now than I did at the start of the month so I can count this month as a success. I also realize that these themes get me on a baseline. Through this baseline I can start the process to improve.

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