Tag: month

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Lessons Learned – July 2018

Reread and Proceed

Every month is a month to experiment, aligned with a theme. With each theme, I want to turn those experiments into action, so at the end of the month, I write, publicly, some of the successes and failures I have, and lessons I want to take moving forward.

The goal – something actionable that we can take home and use today.

  • Reread
    • Successes: Three books reread, themes, story, redone posts helped my critique.
    • Failures: Goal of one per week missed
    • Lesson: With things in flux, reorganize goals so that you don’t overshoot them, context matters.
    • Moving forward: Add “risk tolerance” to month spreadsheet so I can contextualize outside factors. Add “reread time” to each month.
  • Proceed
    • Successes: Video production, reading out, team dynamics, LinkedIn Videos
    • Failures: Writing (nothing came out)
    • Lesson: I need to dedicate time to embrace the suck of writing
    • Moving forward: Trying a writing day to get that “shitty first draft” done and proceeding from there.
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A Word For Freedom -“No” – June 2016

I feel guilty when I use it.

But after I get over that, I recognize that I decided.

  • I decided to give more time back to the projects I feel are important.
  • I decided to spend more time with myself.
  • I decided to enjoy the company of friends.

All three of those things aren’t shameful, and yet, when we use the word “no” we end up feeling that way.

I know that boundaries are important, attention improves your ability to appreciate, and decision-making is the difference between designing your life and letting your life design you. 

“No” is a word that helps you do all three of those things. It’s why I want to explore “no”, how it works, how I feel when I use it, and tactics that help me say it more.

This month’s theme ties into abstinence

At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

To say no is to abstain.  I find myself over-committing, and I realize that I can’t make the most of the opportunity I am given. This affects everything in my life, so I recognize that if I get better at saying no, then I get better at giving value to the world around me.

Reread candidate

The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness
by James Altucher – This book was tremendous the first time I read it. I am curious what I will see if a focus on the word no.

Assumptions

  • I don’t like saying “no” because of potentially failing someone.
  • I don’t like hearing “no” because I frame it as a personal attack.
  • Defaulting to “no” will increase my time to focus, which will improve my attention and decision-making.

 

 

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Our Willpower Is Limited, Best To Not Push It (Thoughts on Feb. 2016)

Intentional Scarcity is Difficult

The biggest thing I realized this month is that saying no, even when you want to, is hard. Saying no when you don’t want to is almost impossible, unless there are the right conditions. We have limited willpower and we often underestimate the limit we have.  Also, each option and decision we have saps the supply of willpower. So, it is incredibly important to pick your spots because unless you don’t have a choice, you will fail if you try to change too much at once.  If you do fail, its important to manage the failure, understand what happened, and move forward.

I also learned that starting with nothing is best. The more tools you buy, the more monumental the task becomes. Even buying something like running shoes adds expectations to the task. That expectation adds pressure, and unless you are directing that pressure (accountability practices) you want to avoid as much of it as possible.  So, keep things simple, especially when you want to start something drastically different.   If you want to write, just start a Tumblr or WordPress. If you want to do videos, just shoot them on your camera and upload them to YouTube. Start working out with just one push-up.  By being intentionally scarce you remove pressure and increase the chance that you will follow through.

Biggest Lesson – Saying no is extremely difficult when your willpower is low, so pick your targets and take away options when you can.

My Correct Assumptions

  • There is a cap on Willpower

My Incorrect Assumptions

  • Defaulting to abundance with free time, I default to nothing, and that is helpful.
  • I should start a new habit by buying things first.

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Questions Lead To Something…

This month was a rollercoaster

From quitting my job to learning how life is without an alarm clock, January 2016 had surprises that I didn’t account for. So, the theme of Questions this month was an apt one. I spent most of my time this month learning things all over again, and there were a ton of questions that I got to ask.

As I wrote in the intro to this month, questions are a great bridge to improve communication and context. This month proved it. I asked a lot of questions, and received some serious answers. Some answered, some are lingering, but all in all, I am much better for the experience.

Wins This Month

  • Calendaring – Last year, I constantly missed when I tried this habit. This month, it all clicked, if for no other reason I knew I couldn’t do anything if I didn’t calendar it.With no schedule (from no work) I needed something to anchor me. Book Support:  Deep Work from Cal Newport.
  • Experimentation – I tried a bunch of things. Learns a lot. Having the courage to try things opens so many doors. This might end up as a monthly theme in the future. Book Support: Do Over – Jon Acuff
  • Vulnerability – I was particularly happy about my ability to keep myself open with my newsletter. I talked about my fears, how uncoordinated I was, and ultimately how things aren’t going perfectly. (If you want to join the newsletter click here)

Losses

  • Note Taking – I didn’t get a chance to do any note taking this month.  I always see Marc Andreessen doing it during conversations, and it seems like a good tool.
  • Reading  – I slowed down on my reading this month. Both my reread and my new reading list.

Books

Videos

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Janurary … A Great Time for Questions

Questions are scary

When I get nervous, usually there is a question lurking in me that I desperately want answered, but I am too scared to think about. So, most of my life I didn’t ask them. Internally I thought it better to live with the shame of not standing up then deal with the “problems” that come with asking.

I recognize that I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that fear.

So, I start the year trying to understand questions. I recognize there  is an art here.  There are good and bad questions. There are also good and bad environments, recipients, and people who ask.  This month I want to explore these things.

This monthly theme ties into communication

At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking 5 themes for 2016. They are the guiding light(strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie both together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

The art of questions connect to communication as the gate to higher level discussion.  As much as we communicate through our words and bodies, it doesn’t mean much if there is no connection to the other side. Questions are that bridge that allows us to know what the other person is thinking, and what it means to the context of our existence.

Reread candidate

A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger – I chose this because it does a deep dive in the ideas of questions. Its even in the title. What I got the first time reading this is how set up we are when it comes to not asking questions, how we get trained in being defensive, and how powerful they are.

Other candidates

Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours

Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin To Munger

Ctrl Alt Delete: Reboot Your Business. Reboot Your Life. Your Future Depends on It.

Questions

  • How do I ask them in daily?
  • How often should I do it, when do I decide “is it worth it?”
  • How do I deal with experiments?
  • How do I react when someone else asks?
  • What do I need to do to improve my ability to ask?

Subthemes

  • Experimentation – Questions aren’t just spoken, they are also projects, i.e. experiments. So how do I approach them?
  • Note taking – Good questions come with preparation. My Note taking skills need examination.
  • Vulnerability – Questions are scary and leave you on a limb. How do I deal with that vulnerability without losing my head?

 

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The Under Current of Change and Trouble Ahead – October’s Leaving With Risk

At first change used to bother me.

Heading down the planned route was the only way. If I made the choice to go down that path, it meant something to me( I never planned anything when I was younger, so when it happened it was an event). When things didn’t go my way, it represented failure, and I would avoid planning to not get hurt again as well as sulk, as if making things bad for other people would make it better for me.

Luckily, in the last year that changed, and I embrace the weird.

This month didn’t go to plan at all.

What started out as a month that slated to deal with creative risk, went to risk in my physical life and abstinence. It was my version of Lent.

I learned a lot, and got to face some serious obstacles that changed my thinking on how I worked, lived, and communicated with the people around me.

The lessons I got from this month are important to me because I feel like they add to everything that I do. They underwrite my perspective, and as you see the world, is as it is.

So, what did I learn?

 

Wins:

  • Abstinence– Each week, I removed something to experiment. I ended up with the following – my wallet, my phone, and bad eating habits gone. No more late night runs to Taco Bell, no more frivolous purchases, and no more running with my phone. I had to completely remove these things, because when I let even a bit creep back into my life, it was over.
    • Lesson: I don’t do well with piecemeal. When I cut things, I need to do it cold turkey, or else I risk falling back on it. Fear will talk me back into bad habits because they are “normal”.
  • Newsletter (New Things) –  My newsletter went out. My hits are up. People enjoy it, and I get to learn a new skill each week.
    • Lesson: Just do it.  Ship, and see the results. Experimentation is fine, no one is going to get you for shipping. If the world doesn’t like it, they will reject and look for the next thing you do all the same.
  • Volunteering–Gives some purpose. Connects me to something bigger than myself. Allows me to try new things and network with people I won’t run into. More perspective is never a bad thing.
    • Lesson: Look to help – constantly. The biggest perk is improving your skills and demeanor. 
Losses:
  • Creative  – I let destructive self talk goad me into not connecting with some projects.
    • Lesson: When you miss out on connection, deal with curiosity.
  • Missing Connections–I missed out on coffee or drinks with a bunch of friends, associates, and family because I didn’t plan correctly.
    • Lesson: Understand my calendar more, and connect – don’t make promises without doing pre-work first. 
  • Failure – I don’t handle it well when I don’t plan for it. This is hard to swallow, but I’ve recognized it. Now it’s time to work
    • Lesson: Emotional Intelligence is critical when things are bad. You only win through controlling your emotions, only then can you see the real lesson.

Important Posts

Books

Habits

  • Make My Bed – Always come back to this as something that makes me feel better even when I don’t think it does
  • No Cell Phone – During the day, 4 – 5 times a week, I won’t have my phone going forward
  • No Wallet – Same as above, no wallet most days of the week

Closing The Loop

  • Keeping a Copy – Using my white board to hold information has worked well this month. Keeps me honest.

Emotional Intelligence

  • Fighting The Voices –More on this next month 🙂
  • Meditation –  Need to bring this one back

Network

  • Barbershop Books – Newsletter next!
  • Harlem Tech – Volunteering for meetup now.

Organization

  • Slowly GTD – Still need to work on this. Very scary, acknowledging the fear should help.

 

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