Tag: monththeme

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Freedom is… Lessons from August

Freedom Is...

Complicated

So, I think back to the coffee shop where someone asked me “What is freedom?”

I didn’t have an answer then. I don’t have one now. Freedom in both complicated in expression and concept.

However, I spent a month thinking about it.

A few lessons:

Freedom requires clarity.

It requires commitment.

You can’t run to shiny new objects, yet you have to understand yourself.

You can’t find perfection.

Freedom means taking on problems in different ways.

You have to take a step back and understand the whole problem.

While all of this is happening, you have to keep your vices in check by listening to them.

In short, it’s pretty complicated.This month gave me better questions. Questions lead to greater understanding, which leads to empathy. There is a lot of freedom just in that.

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Over-communicating is All About You – What I Learned in May 2016

Get selfish

Over-communicating is as much about dealing with yourself as it is dealing with another person.

That is counter-intuitive, but through looking at the world with an “over-communication” first lens, I realized that my effectiveness with carrying out tactics relied on how I dealt with internal strife.

I didn’t see this as a chance to deal with self-awareness, but here I realized that all the tactics in the world won’t help you with communicating unless you listen to yourself first.

Battles with depression, fear, and impostor syndrome came with every time I confirmed a meeting, told someone something difficult, or didn’t hedge my opinion.  Prior to this month, I got away from those things because it was uncomfortable.  I saw failure before each one of those decisions.

How many times have you confirmed a meeting with someone and felt pushy?

That feeling of being “pushy” is fear. And it obstructs you from seeing that confirmation doesn’t make you seem anxious, it makes you look like a compassionate professional .

Compassionate?

Yes, it shows respect for someone’s time and respect for their character. It displays enough vulnerability to allow them to make decisions.

Even if you fail, even if what you fear comes true, it saves you time. Time is the most valuable resource we have. Our focus and our filtering decide how effective we are in the world.

“Over-communicating” is time intensive, so you need to focus and filter.

In order to make it count, you need to understand that your “selfishness” creates the space for you to communicate effectively.

If you don’t, you end up second guessing yourself and dealing with regrets, an emotion that I find far more punishing that failure. There are failures I laugh at now, I never laugh at regrets.

So deal with the fear, get vulnerable, and don’t let regret have room. You are better for it.

Biggest Lesson – Listening to yourself gives you the ability to over-communicate, and therefore become more effective to the world around you.

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Talk Your Way Through It – Over-communicating – May 2016

Do you like it when people hide?

I hate it.

I do it all the time, though.

Ahh, stop right there. I felt someone get defensive. When I say “over-communicate,” I don’t mean sharing your awful college party secret that you and your friends think is unique but isn’t. I’m talking about the second quarter projections that give you a sinking ship feeling when you go into meetings. I’m talking about losing steam on a point that you think is relevant but you aren’t sure it landed. How about that discussion that you know you should have with your significant other about how you feel, but you keep it bottled up because you don’t want to rock the boat?

All of that isn’t sparing anyone’s feelings: not sharing what’s overwhelmed your mind is hiding because we assume that the messenger gets his head lopped off.

Bu, knowing what to say, how to say it, and then delivering it in a way that everyone is clear gives you a ton of leverage and respect.

That’s what we are working on this month.

This month’s theme ties into communication

At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

It’s a balance that dictates whether you are a wallflower, a leader, or an annoyance. I want to explore that this month since I feel over-communicating is an attack on fear. It’s also recognizing it’s boundaries, learning when you aren’t over-communicating, but babbling and taking over everyone’s time. I want to get to the bottom of both to see what happens.

Reread candidate

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
by Brené Brown – To do this right, I think you need to be vulnerable. There is no better book I’ve read on the subject than this one. 

Assumptions

  • Vulnerability plays a large role in if we dare to overcommunicate.
  • Learning how to use other mediums is effective here.
  • Paying a little bit more of a resource (time, money, etc.) to get “small” things done for the sake of over-communication for leverage.
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Didn’t Think About Attention While I Was Looking For Time – What I Learned In April

Intentional rest is hard.

The people who make the things that grab our attention are good at what they do.  Really good. Good to the point that you, as the owner of your time, get defensive when they, the takers of your time, go away.

I am no exception to any of that.

This month I turned off notifications, moved devices to other rooms, and left home for a few days. All of them were a panacea for my “rest” problem but I still need that connection to feel connected.

This is hard.

But, through this process, I began to step away from intellectualizing attention and step into understanding it. Attention is the partner of our time, and like it’s partner it’s always fragmented. However, unlike its partner, it is up to us to master it. Time is external (something we can’t effect) and attention is internal (something we can).

I started this month thinking it was all about time and left it understanding that there are levels to this I don’t understand yet. Attention popped up as a theme when I didn’t realize it was a big part of that.

It’s funny how focusing on not working lets me realize how much work there is to do. 

Biggest Lesson – Manage your attention and pay attention to the time.

My Correct Assumptions

  • Accountability matters.
  • Experimentation got me over a few humps.
  • Limited willpower bit me a lot, I need to create some better systems, but I learned plenty along the way.
  • Being deliberate is KEY!!!! If you don’t focus you won’t take any rest.
  • Opportunity Costs and FOMO were a doubt sandwich this month. The most effective use of time is somewhere in the middle.

My Incorrect Assumptions

  • Calendaring– My battle with calendars continues. 

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Putting It Together – Creating Rest – April 2016

Take a second and breathe.

As automatic as our breathing is, it gets much more interesting when we do it with purpose. If you’ve never done it, take a second and try it now.

Steps:

  1. Put your cell phone away
  2. Sit somewhere comfortable
  3. Think about your breath
  4. Put your cell phone away
  5. Take a deep breath.
  6. Exhale
  7. PUT YOUR CELL PHONE AWAY
  8. Do this list (1-7) again.

Do you feel that? Your mind is a little more clear, you feel a little better, and the problems that felt close now gain some distance. You have room to think.

Some of the pressure is gone, and there is a little more room to maneuver. That is the power of purposeful rest, and that is also why I am making purposeful rest the theme for April.

This month’s theme ties into the Big Idea

At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

I’ve gotten to the fourth theme and I am focusing on the “big idea”.

The “big idea” is a theme that ties in several others to create a meta idea, or an idea that is powerful enough to effect other ideas. Think of it as a foundation. So, the “big idea” is anything that builds on the assumptions I gained over the last few months.

Reread candidate

Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School
by John Medina – Rest and recovery are a part of a larger cycle, and it all starts with the brain. This book is a great primer on how it works.

Other candidates

Assumptions

  • Jan. Assumptions – I need to factor in accountability, calendaring, and experimentation.
  • Feb. Assumptions –  I need to factor in limited willpower.
  • Mar. Assumptions –  I need to factor in the idea of being deliberate and opportunity cost.
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Persistence Also Means Pared Down – My Takeaways From March

Focus Focus Focus!

No one has a cheat code on life. You can’t run forever, you can’t dance to every song, and you don’t get to eat everything on the menu.

This month, more than any other, I realized we  have limited juice. Although I left my job, I’ve spent my time building relationships and building stuff (which is going to result in some launches in the next month 🙂 ). On top of that, I had to handle a sinus infection and working on attaining my altMBA. It was a sincere push on my time and resources. I got a lot done, so it couldn’t have been a better month to think about persistence.

If I had one takeaway from the month, it would be this: focus is the only way your persistence matters.

I only got through this month by recognizing I had to pare down.

Persistence is a gift, and a fleeting one at that because it means something only if it’s geared to push you over the finish line. You can’t do that if you are persistent in many things. You go nowhere being persistent in ten projects at once. It’s better to be persistent at one project ten times.

We have limited juice, and our spirit will “clock out” when we go too far.

Biggest Lesson – Focus is the only way your persistence matters

My Correct Assumptions

  • Be deliberate as possible
  • Selection is far more important than will (Focus!!!)

My Incorrect Assumptions

  • I need to schedule things to make sure they get done – I have to schedule some things and not others. Sometimes I work best with reminders. Sometimes I work best with it in the calendar. Sometimes I work better with just a list.

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The Persistent Assault on “the Boring” – My Theme For March

It’s time to finish what I start

Starting something is easy. It’s where I get the most comfortable. The first part always brings me joy because I get the opportunity to get on the “ground floor,” a chance to see the potential of an enterprise and fantasize about making it work. I get to look straight up and imagine the skyscraper that potentially could happen.

In a sense, its renewal. I get to start with “fresh eyes” and forget about the stuff in the past. I get to release my “burdens” and become whole with the new.

Where this picture goes “left” is when I leave the beginning, and find myself in the middle, or what I like to call “the boring.”

From the Newsletter

Keeping the ball in the air is difficult. It requires a bit of faith, especially when you find yourself  in “the boring.” “The boring” is what I like to call the part of the project when there is no movement from anywhere. It feels like you are in the middle of the ocean, and can’t see land. The coast line is gone, and it’s just the hot sun and hope that what you do here translates into another shoreline(In some cases, even the shoreline you just left)

What is a weapon to counteract “the boring?” Persistence, the theme for the month of March.

This month’s theme ties into execution

At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking 5 themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

Persistence will lock me into executing because I am promising to finish everything I begin this month to its logical end. I’ll learn lessons on how to get things done.

Reread candidate

The Effective Executive: The Definitive Guide to Getting the Right Things Done by Peter Drucker – A fantastic primer on getting the right things done, and how to see them to the end when you pick them.

Other candidates

Assumptions

  • Be deliberate as possible
  • Selection is far more important than will
  • I need to schedule things to make sure they get done

 

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Our Willpower Is Limited, Best To Not Push It (Thoughts on Feb. 2016)

Intentional Scarcity is Difficult

The biggest thing I realized this month is that saying no, even when you want to, is hard. Saying no when you don’t want to is almost impossible, unless there are the right conditions. We have limited willpower and we often underestimate the limit we have.  Also, each option and decision we have saps the supply of willpower. So, it is incredibly important to pick your spots because unless you don’t have a choice, you will fail if you try to change too much at once.  If you do fail, its important to manage the failure, understand what happened, and move forward.

I also learned that starting with nothing is best. The more tools you buy, the more monumental the task becomes. Even buying something like running shoes adds expectations to the task. That expectation adds pressure, and unless you are directing that pressure (accountability practices) you want to avoid as much of it as possible.  So, keep things simple, especially when you want to start something drastically different.   If you want to write, just start a Tumblr or WordPress. If you want to do videos, just shoot them on your camera and upload them to YouTube. Start working out with just one push-up.  By being intentionally scarce you remove pressure and increase the chance that you will follow through.

Biggest Lesson – Saying no is extremely difficult when your willpower is low, so pick your targets and take away options when you can.

My Correct Assumptions

  • There is a cap on Willpower

My Incorrect Assumptions

  • Defaulting to abundance with free time, I default to nothing, and that is helpful.
  • I should start a new habit by buying things first.

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So, Lets Hold Off – February Is About Intentional Scarcity

 

I noticed my website was slow

The site got tremendously slow. It was getting difficult to update. I appreciate speed when it comes to “surfing the web.” So, I decided to strip everything down to its basic form today. I removed all the plug-ins, and voilà, the site got fast once again. It was a great introduction to this months theme, intentional scarcity, or the idea that I am creating constraints to improve. I ran across this idea when I read the book Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So Much, (on the reread list this month) and have used it in an ad-hoc fashion to improve certain aspects of my life. This month I want to take advantage of the 29 days (leap year!) and try to see, with focus, how I use intentional scarcity to make things better in a systemic way.

This month’s theme ties into abstinence

At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking 5 themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

Intentional scarcity ties into abstinence because I am abstaining from the thrills and frills that most people assume they need. It forces me to say ‘no’ to comfort and ultimately, make me more productive.

Reread candidate

Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So Much by Sendhil Mullainathan & Eldar Shafir – This is a textbook for intentional scarcity, as it provides both research and case studies on why it works.

Other candidates

Don’t Make Me Think 

Questions

What questions will I ask this month when it comes to Intentional Scarcity. I think it’s important to think about the month’s theme, and the best weapon to generate thought comes from questions.

  • Why do I need this?
  • How does it work without it?
  • What made me think I needed this in the first place?
  • Is it because someone else said I needed to do it? Why do they think that?

Subthemes

What are some of the subjects that come to mind when it comes to Intentional Scarcity that need some extra leg work.

  • Bare bones – How do things work at the root of it?
  • Pavlok – I bought a Pavlok device. How does this factor into my intentional scarcity?
  • Free time – I have a lot of free time.  I default to abundance, how it this going to work?
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Questions Lead To Something…

This month was a rollercoaster

From quitting my job to learning how life is without an alarm clock, January 2016 had surprises that I didn’t account for. So, the theme of Questions this month was an apt one. I spent most of my time this month learning things all over again, and there were a ton of questions that I got to ask.

As I wrote in the intro to this month, questions are a great bridge to improve communication and context. This month proved it. I asked a lot of questions, and received some serious answers. Some answered, some are lingering, but all in all, I am much better for the experience.

Wins This Month

  • Calendaring – Last year, I constantly missed when I tried this habit. This month, it all clicked, if for no other reason I knew I couldn’t do anything if I didn’t calendar it.With no schedule (from no work) I needed something to anchor me. Book Support:  Deep Work from Cal Newport.
  • Experimentation – I tried a bunch of things. Learns a lot. Having the courage to try things opens so many doors. This might end up as a monthly theme in the future. Book Support: Do Over – Jon Acuff
  • Vulnerability – I was particularly happy about my ability to keep myself open with my newsletter. I talked about my fears, how uncoordinated I was, and ultimately how things aren’t going perfectly. (If you want to join the newsletter click here)

Losses

  • Note Taking – I didn’t get a chance to do any note taking this month.  I always see Marc Andreessen doing it during conversations, and it seems like a good tool.
  • Reading  – I slowed down on my reading this month. Both my reread and my new reading list.

Books

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