Tag: monththeme

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Janurary … A Great Time for Questions

Questions are scary

When I get nervous, usually there is a question lurking in me that I desperately want answered, but I am too scared to think about. So, most of my life I didn’t ask them. Internally I thought it better to live with the shame of not standing up then deal with the “problems” that come with asking.

I recognize that I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that fear.

So, I start the year trying to understand questions. I recognize there  is an art here.  There are good and bad questions. There are also good and bad environments, recipients, and people who ask.  This month I want to explore these things.

This monthly theme ties into communication

At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking 5 themes for 2016. They are the guiding light(strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie both together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

The art of questions connect to communication as the gate to higher level discussion.  As much as we communicate through our words and bodies, it doesn’t mean much if there is no connection to the other side. Questions are that bridge that allows us to know what the other person is thinking, and what it means to the context of our existence.

Reread candidate

A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger – I chose this because it does a deep dive in the ideas of questions. Its even in the title. What I got the first time reading this is how set up we are when it comes to not asking questions, how we get trained in being defensive, and how powerful they are.

Other candidates

Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours

Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin To Munger

Ctrl Alt Delete: Reboot Your Business. Reboot Your Life. Your Future Depends on It.

Questions

  • How do I ask them in daily?
  • How often should I do it, when do I decide “is it worth it?”
  • How do I deal with experiments?
  • How do I react when someone else asks?
  • What do I need to do to improve my ability to ask?

Subthemes

  • Experimentation – Questions aren’t just spoken, they are also projects, i.e. experiments. So how do I approach them?
  • Note taking – Good questions come with preparation. My Note taking skills need examination.
  • Vulnerability – Questions are scary and leave you on a limb. How do I deal with that vulnerability without losing my head?

 

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So, Let’s Prepare – December’s Theme is Preparation

[bctt tweet=”I am not known for my preparation. “]

We are running into the end of the year, no better time to focus on preparation.

People who know me are already shaking their heads.

I always lived on the edge, using my intuition and trying to read people. I am admitting now, 28 years later, that I could work on it.

Trying to live on the edge of intuition hurts sometimes. I slow down , trying to find a ledge for me to mentally grab on to.

For example, socially I start very slow. I use my intuition to plug-in, and after a few minutes, we are off to the races. When I prepare, it is different, I feel confident and I have a starting point. I still need a little burn in time, but I get to talk with you until it makes sense.

This is the same with everything I do, and I miss out on opportunities. As I try to improve this year, learning some better preparation skills, even just getting a baseline, will make the next year better.

Subthemes

  • Production Time– What happens when I do things in advance? How do I do when I have some real lead time? How do I get the get the habits to create that?
  • Calendar/ Buffer – A calendar is important for preparation. I have to get real comfortable with something I don’t use as often as I could. What stops me? How do I maximize my calendar? There are a ton of ways to skin a cat, a calendar isn’t much different.
  • The Map Is Not The Territory– I do not want to become a slave to the preparation. One thing I enjoy about the way I work is my intuition. How do I not get lost?

 

Those are the big three topics that I want to hit, but with everything in life, things change with the minute. If you think you can help in any way, please reach out with suggestions through Twitter @TheHonorableAT.

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FOCUS! Getting Into November, a lot! What I Learned This Month.

 

Focus is hard.

That is why we avoid it. That is the biggest insight I came up with during this month. November is a busy time. People scramble to get the big “work” done before the holidays. Plans get drawn up for the travel that we do.  T’s get crossed and i’s get dotted, at least the ones we remember, so the focus is on family and some of the other stress that comes from that.

So, in the midst of all that, I decided to focus on “focus”. I ended up learning a lot, crafting some frameworks, and made an upgrade on my writing. I got to understand myself a little more, and I think taking what I learned from this month is a force multiplier that helps everything else I do.

Wins:

  • Fear–I went after fear a lot this month, and took it on in different ways. From breathing techniques, to frameworks, to meditation, I learned a ton about fear and some of the things that scare fear itself (preparation especially)
  • Video (New Thing) –  Like my newsletter last month, I started a video blog series. I think it gets better each week. Check them out here.
    • Lesson: Just do it.  Ship, and see the results. Experimentation is fine, no one is going to get you for shipping. If the world doesn’t like it, they will reject and look for the next thing you do all the same.
  • Vulnerability–I read a quote this month – “There are no boring subjects, just boring writers” that I used to just compartmentalized to writing, but it means a lot in conversation, work, and anything else we do. Taking responsibility makes for vulnerability, and we shy away from that.
    • Lesson: Talk to people and be honest and be interested. 
Losses:
  • Mediation  – I didn’t mediate. As much as negative visualization helped, I didn’t do a regular practice.
    • Lesson: Put something on your habits. Make them strong.
  • Anger–I didn’t make this a priority to deal with. I don’t know if any work got done.
    • Lesson: Start using the signs around me to help me focus. 
  • Habits – I fell out of a few habits this month.
    • Lesson: Add accountability.

Important Posts

Books

Habits

  • 5 Minute Journal–  Back in!
  • Doodling – In the morning.

Closing The Loop

  • Setting Aside a Time – Just set aside a time to do this every week. Try to keep a copy of things in front of you and batch this.

Emotional Intelligence

  • Negative Visualization – this one is a lot harder than it looks, and when it happens, feels painful. But it makes life easier.

Network

  • Barbershop Books – Board meeting and new plans.
  • Harlem Tech – Working on something interesting…can’t say too much.

Organization

  • Slowly GTD – Keeps going.
  • Buffer – Just keep it filled and learn some stuff.
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Focus – I’ve Got To Get Present – Hello November 2015

Nothing like grief to let you know where you pain points are.  I have said that failure is feedback, and in a month where I focused on risk, I got hit with some serious feedback.

In short, I experienced some headaches last month.

Including:

  • I almost left employment
  • Gave up sugar / soda / carbs
  • Got hit with a financial bomb

I got rattled. I didn’t do anything crazy (points there – in the past, one of these things would make me Mr. Temper Tantrum) but, my focus on them took away a lot of joy in my life. I wasn’t able to enjoy the birth of my god-daughter (Hi Skyler!) but also my best friend getting engaged at a dinner to his wonderful fiancé (love you both). I wasn’t present, mentally. And instead of celebration (a coworker got married also – busy month), I turned in and didn’t get to enjoy it full force.

In pain, when you listen, there is an insight just waiting – it isn’t anyone else responsibility for my lack of presence. It is my own.

I’ve looked at this in the past, but not in crisis (like I find myself in).  I’ve “tip and tricked” my way to getting full presence, but now, it will be this months focus, a real look at my presence at being present, and a focus on my focus.

It falls at a perfect time, the holidays are here and I will be in front of a lot of family, there are distractions, and its cold out.

Subthemes

  • Fear – I want to tackle this head on. How much does it play in my decision-making? Is there a way to practice fear management? Can I make a change in a short month?
  • Anger – Just like fear, how do I work on building uses for my anger? Where does it show up?
  • Vulnerability – I made some strides this year in dealing with it, but I never made this a focus, until now. How does this effect my curiosity? What habits can I install to force me to deal with my vulnerability?

 

Those are the big three topics that I want to hit, but with everything in life, things change with the minute. If you think you can help in any way, please reach out with suggestions through Twitter @TheHonorableAT.

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The Under Current of Change and Trouble Ahead – October’s Leaving With Risk

At first change used to bother me.

Heading down the planned route was the only way. If I made the choice to go down that path, it meant something to me( I never planned anything when I was younger, so when it happened it was an event). When things didn’t go my way, it represented failure, and I would avoid planning to not get hurt again as well as sulk, as if making things bad for other people would make it better for me.

Luckily, in the last year that changed, and I embrace the weird.

This month didn’t go to plan at all.

What started out as a month that slated to deal with creative risk, went to risk in my physical life and abstinence. It was my version of Lent.

I learned a lot, and got to face some serious obstacles that changed my thinking on how I worked, lived, and communicated with the people around me.

The lessons I got from this month are important to me because I feel like they add to everything that I do. They underwrite my perspective, and as you see the world, is as it is.

So, what did I learn?

 

Wins:

  • Abstinence– Each week, I removed something to experiment. I ended up with the following – my wallet, my phone, and bad eating habits gone. No more late night runs to Taco Bell, no more frivolous purchases, and no more running with my phone. I had to completely remove these things, because when I let even a bit creep back into my life, it was over.
    • Lesson: I don’t do well with piecemeal. When I cut things, I need to do it cold turkey, or else I risk falling back on it. Fear will talk me back into bad habits because they are “normal”.
  • Newsletter (New Things) –  My newsletter went out. My hits are up. People enjoy it, and I get to learn a new skill each week.
    • Lesson: Just do it.  Ship, and see the results. Experimentation is fine, no one is going to get you for shipping. If the world doesn’t like it, they will reject and look for the next thing you do all the same.
  • Volunteering–Gives some purpose. Connects me to something bigger than myself. Allows me to try new things and network with people I won’t run into. More perspective is never a bad thing.
    • Lesson: Look to help – constantly. The biggest perk is improving your skills and demeanor. 
Losses:
  • Creative  – I let destructive self talk goad me into not connecting with some projects.
    • Lesson: When you miss out on connection, deal with curiosity.
  • Missing Connections–I missed out on coffee or drinks with a bunch of friends, associates, and family because I didn’t plan correctly.
    • Lesson: Understand my calendar more, and connect – don’t make promises without doing pre-work first. 
  • Failure – I don’t handle it well when I don’t plan for it. This is hard to swallow, but I’ve recognized it. Now it’s time to work
    • Lesson: Emotional Intelligence is critical when things are bad. You only win through controlling your emotions, only then can you see the real lesson.

Important Posts

Books

Habits

  • Make My Bed – Always come back to this as something that makes me feel better even when I don’t think it does
  • No Cell Phone – During the day, 4 – 5 times a week, I won’t have my phone going forward
  • No Wallet – Same as above, no wallet most days of the week

Closing The Loop

  • Keeping a Copy – Using my white board to hold information has worked well this month. Keeps me honest.

Emotional Intelligence

  • Fighting The Voices –More on this next month 🙂
  • Meditation –  Need to bring this one back

Network

  • Barbershop Books – Newsletter next!
  • Harlem Tech – Volunteering for meetup now.

Organization

  • Slowly GTD – Still need to work on this. Very scary, acknowledging the fear should help.

 

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Free Falling – My Journey Into Risk

This was meant for September but here we are :-). 

[bctt tweet=”Ben Franklin once said that most people die at 25, they are just buried at 75.”]

AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fear.

I spend most of my life in comfort. I have a schedule, a paying job, a fully paid subway pass, and a blog.

I spend most of life in fear.

There are several ways that I keep myself comfortable. I don’t bare enough of myself to other people. I compartmentalize all the time. I spend most of my life being as risk averse as possible .

In the end, I limit my opportunities this way.  By avoiding even the smallest of unnecessary risk, I close out my vision and keep myself restrained in a consistent reality tunnel.  Over regulation leads to stagnation. Ben Franklin once said that most people die at 25, they are just buried at 75.

The worse part about it is I STILL LIVE IN FEAR.  So, the two aren’t tied together, and I need to stop being risk averse.

So, October’s theme is risk.

At the surface, this looks like direct competition with my theme in August but by establishing the habit, I give myself the space for creative.

Themes:

  • External Failure – I will be engaging with a lot of external failure.  How will deal with being told no? Does it get any easier? What are some ways to get back up after being told no, over and over? I spend a lot of time holding myself away from it by compartmentalizing and excuses. How will it feel to pull the ripcord and see if anything saves me – without the backup chute of “I didn’t care”?
  • New Things – With risk and creativity come new things, even in old disciplines. How do I engage? What new things help me? Which will hurt me? I have done a few new things over the last year, and they make me feel alive. How do I keep up with them and not end up in a bad way?
  • Built In Risk – To tie in with August, I need to systemize. What systems will I discover to deal with built-in risk ? Is there such a thing, and how do I carry it out? How would it effect my daily life?

Those are the big three topics that I want to hit, but with everything in life, things change with the minute. If you think you can help in any way, please reach out with suggestions through Twitter @TheHonorableAT or by engaging in the comment section below.

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Don’t Let A Break Break You – Lessons From September

[bctt tweet=””If there is no struggle there is no progress” – Fredrick Douglass”]

Life takes you places.

I started this month focused on risk. By the middle of it, I recognized that I wasn’t in a place that I could focus on it effectively, so I effectively canceled the month’s theme.

Never did that before, but it felt right to do. That will be the theme next month, and I am far more suited to work with it now.

What stopped that from happening? Well, I allowed a break to break me. My vacation to Cabo moved me down a path of mood leadership(I’ll explain below) and the work that I did over the last few months fell away.

All of my habits fell to the wayside. Comedy stopped. Writing stopped. Reading stopped. In short, I left everything behind because I found myself running away. I felt like a failure based on my fear.

“If there is no struggle there is no progress”

Instead of wallowing in that failure, I took the opportunity to look inside and find out what made me tick so much. Through investigating smaller issues like using my office and establishing a wakeup time, I started to circle around fear. I’ve written about fear and the resistance (as Steven Pressfield calls it), but each time I tangle with it, I begin to understand it more.

This month was a great opportunity to understand.

[bctt tweet=”Fear is everywhere – but it doesn’t have to stop you”]

Through that understanding, I discovered that plans are great trip wires, ownership means real vulnerability, and there is no shame in leaving. I grew this month by working through the pain I felt, and came out of it a better person.

Struggle isn’t all bad, and sometimes the best thing to do is to sit right in the middle of it and see what it teaches you. You may not end up in a good place, but I think you end up in a better one than where you were before.  Failure isn’t bad or good, it is simply an opportunity.

 

 

Wins:

  • Fear– Recognizing that it lies at the core of everything I do. Asking a simple question “What are you afraid of?” lies serious insight.
    • Lesson: Fear is everywhere – but it doesn’t have to stop you
  • Sleep – When I sleep better, everything else gets better. I get creative and I can take more emotional risks. Waking up at the same time everyday makes everything easier, sleeping in on the weekends doesn’t catch you up with anything.
    • Lesson: Go to sleep at a decent time, prioritize your sleep experience, and wake up at a consistent time. 
  • Visualization–Breathing and visualizing helps. Take the opportunity to breath when you feel bad, and then visualize how you make the next situation better.
    • Lesson: Box breathing and taking time to focus improve the situation around you.
Losses:
  • Mood – Through most of the month, I let my mood dictate my actions instead of letting action lead the way.
    • Lesson: Mood leadership ( letting your mood lead you around) is a treadmill. Doing something positive with breathing and visualization will help.
  • A Break Broke Me–I collapsed on all habits when I took a break in the middle of the month. I have to stay consistent.
    • Lesson: Plan your breaks. Don’t use it as an excuse to lose.

Important Posts

Books

Habits

  • Sleep w/ CPAP  – Didn’t take this seriously. Started too and changed how I slept.
  • Water Coffee Tea – WCT! Changing my drinking habits. Not all the way there (I’ll cheat sometimes) but it is amazing how much better I feel – and money I save, but focusing on just WCT.

Closing The Loop

  • Todo Lists – Experimenting with to-do lists based on location. Losing my old habits brought up this idea. Has been interesting so far.

Emotional Intelligence

  • It Isn’t For Me – When something wasn’t for me I would take it as an insult. Lately, I just make that decision and still try to enjoy myself in the ways I do.
  • Gratitude – Just the practice with the 5 minute journal. It helps calm the seas.

Network

  • Barbershop Books – Working with Detroit!
  • Harlem Tech – A lot of people working on stuff up town. It has been wonderful.

Organization

  • Slowly GTD – Worked in my day job cubicle. Now its time to do it in my office. Slowly preparing and it is scary due to the amount of notes!
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Keep Kicking – Lessons From Habits in August 2015

[bctt tweet=”Building on habits, instead of focusing on a huge singular change, is a gateway to a more productive life.”]

At the beginning of 2015,  I recognized that blindly calling for self-improvement didn’t give me the direction I looked for.I made a decision to give every month a theme.

For August I decided use the theme of habits. I believed that working on my habits provided some insight into my behavior.

As we get to the end of the month, I learned plenty about myself through this exercise. This month was heavy on failure, since each day there were multiple stress points. Paying attention to the failure sucked, but through that failure I learned that I have the strength to move on.

Habit is incredibly powerful. When they stick, habit creates action, for better or worse. If we were to call our consciousness a car, habits would be the starter. It is possible to make the engine go without it, but it becomes much more difficult.

This month led to a lot of growth. Building on habits, instead of focusing on a huge singular change, is a gateway to a more productive life.

Wins:

  • Failure – I failed a lot this month.
    • Lesson: Failure doesn’t have to define your day. 
  • Action – This connects with failure above. If I get up and start doing things, I feel a lot better and it starts to stack
    • Lesson: Mood follows action, not the other way around.
  • Operation – I learned how to build habits and building methods to make them happen a lot better. Physical reminders were a big win.
    • Lesson: Reminders help, don’t be afraid to use them. 

[bctt tweet=”Failure doesn’t have to define your day. “]

Losses:

  • Management – I didn’t keep track of anything on paper this month. That was one of the biggest disappointments. I noticed the days I didn’t a lot more, but I don’t have anything on paper to make this happen. I stated it in the intro and just went for it, I didn’t make it into a solid done.
    • Lesson: As soon as I write a goal, get the homework and schedule it that day.
  • Consistency – I didn’t stay consistent in a few habits, and sometimes they were stumbles (5 minute journal and meditation) and some times they were collapses ( Ordering out).
    • Lesson: It’s ok to fall, but try not to make it a habit (hahahahahahaha). Don’t miss two days in a row. 

Important Posts:

Books:

Habits:

  • Sleep Before Midnight
  • Cook Dinner
  • Cook Breakfast
  • Vegetables in the Morning
  • Social Media on the blog
  • Pitching my Writing

Closing The Loop

  • Making a list of top of mind stuff every week

Emotional Intelligence

  • n/a

Network

  • Reconnecting with Harlem Tech Scene

Organization

  • Got rid of old boxes

[bctt tweet=” If we were to call our consciousness a car, habits would be the starter.”]

I learned a lot when it comes to habits. Tracking them and being consistent are things I need to work on. The biggest lesson for me though, was that failure doesn’t define your day. Each moment comes with a choice, and paying attention to habit this month made that clear to me.

I also just noted, I should keep track of every theme with each months outro. Would make this a lot easier, and make my accountability stronger. Ha, each post is something I can learn from :-). 

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My Slide Into August Consists of Habits

I was completely ignorant to the power of habit, and spent my life internalizing the idea that willpower was the key to anything I did. The idea of habit seemed ridiculous, something reserved for the army. I thought that anyone with a creative spirit is held back by thinking of habits. I had that perception dashed when I read the book “The Power of Habit”, written by Charles Duhigg.  My perception changed, and I saw habit not as an inhibitor, but as a powerful tool that allowed me to get in front of my creativity and make the most of it.

That was in 2013, and since then, I have made it a point to keep some part of my mind on habits. Like all exciting things, I started strong, creating a string of habits. Many things have changed over the year, as I don’t think I carried any of those habits on till today. Some have gone away and come back stronger than ever (this blog), and some have disappeared completely (I used to do push ups everyday – that died). With that said, I haven’t given the idea of habits a serious look since 2013,  and I think it is the perfect time to make it a theme for the month of August.

 

What I Want To Explore: 

  • Checklists – I love the idea of checklists, and I made it a habit to put them all over my house (I have checklists in the bathroom and in the bedroom, along with my office). I haven’t made it a point, however, to investigate them fully, and I find myself wondering off the path sometimes. This topic will be fun to explore because since my checklists are everywhere, making myself a checklist maverick should improve all portions of my life.
  • Management – I hardly ever come up with a process of adding and subtracting habits in my life. They seem to float in and out on a whim. I’ve experimented with the idea of a “habit day” before, but that didn’t stick. I would also like to take a look on how I deal with daily vs weekly habits, the alerts I use to remind me, and the time I deal with habits (Is it better to read during the day or at night?)
  • Consistency – I don’t track my habits. What you don’t track, you can’t manage. I always find myself in the trap of patting myself on the back for doing a habit 4 out of 7 days, or remembering that I did the habit often when I only did it once of twice (I “remembered” writing in my 5 Minute Journal one week 5 times and I only did it two). I will be investigating tools that can help me with this.

Those are the big three topics that I want to hit, but with everything in life, things change with the minute. If you think you can help in any way, please reach out with suggestions through Twitter @TheHonorableAT or by engaging in the comment section below.

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Learn From My Failures In July – Outro – Closing The Loop

At the beginning of 2015,  I recognized that blindly calling for self-improvement didn’t give me the direction I looked for.I made a decision to give every month a theme. or July, I decided on the concept of closing the loop. I recognized that I often have a problem with closing out things. When added to my love of taking on projects and being involved, I recognized I needed a change.

Wins:

  • Withdrawal – I have started to cut away ideas, projects, and activities that interfere with my current mission of improvement. This has given me some more focus for the things I have in front of me.
    • Lesson –  The power of no is serious, and use it often.
  • Closing – I worked on closing some of the goals that Iprepared for at the start of the year. I also got rid of a few that didn’treflect on what I wanted to do.
    • Lesson – What I did then isn’t what I want now. I am proud that I adapted.

 

Losses:

  • Investigation – I didn’t investigate why I did what I did for clues. Self inspection is a heavy-duty task.
    • Lesson – This is a heavy-duty topic, there is a lot more to this than meets the eye
  • Maintenance – I gave in a lot and didn’t keep the things I loved to do afloat dutifully. This is the first time I recognized how my brain can really talk me out of doing things on a massive level. The white boards in my apartment help, but I think I need to use more tools.
    • Lesson – The brain is tricky, don’t rely on it.
  • Systems – I relied on my mind far too much. Even when I got rid of things, there was no systematic way to go about it. I lost insights that could make getting rid of things easier.
    • Lesson – Don’t just give up things – focus on why you did it and record it for later.
  • Joke Book – Didn’t finish, let it lapse, and fed into the excuse brain.
    • Lesson – Even if and maybe especially if I don’t think it is fun I need to have more alarms.

Important Posts:

Books:

  • Good to Great
  • Great On The Job
  • The Go Giver
  • The Upside of Stress
  • Waking Up
  • Becoming Richard Pryor
  • The Samurai Code
  • Peace Is Every Step

Habits:

At the beginning of the month I settled upon this theme of withdraw and advance.  By the end of this month, I recognized that most of the”battles” that I engage should rely on withdrawing. I haven’t got out of all the things I want to withdraw from, but I am on the path of simplifying. It has provided me with a lot more energy to invest in the things that I care about, and as a result, I am able to do more with what I am given. When I revisit this in the future, memorializing my results is very helpful, and like last month, give me a baseline on which to work from.

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