Tag: music

Worth is Music To My Ears

Post author By jrlsage
Post date October 13, 2015
No Comments on Worth is Music To My Ears

[bctt tweet=”We decide our worth, not anyone else. “]

Our worth comes from ourselves – internally, affected by outside forces. I think it is important to say that we aren’t robots, and it is impossible to say the things that happen around us aren’t meant to disturb us but ultimately, how we feel comes from our internal systems.

So it is in our best interest to take an interest and investigate ourselves.

Last night, I felt this pang of awfulness. It started when I was in the office, tipped off by a nasty comment that went my way.

I find external factors are like musical notes, if played in a random order, they come off as noise. But, when played in the right order in the right pitch, it can move you.

I found this comment extremely moving.

The great thing about music is doesn’t need to steep itself in facts, just feeling. Unfortunately, external comments are the same, and unlike music, it isn’t always great.

That comment hurt and my mood suffocated me. All I wanted to do was leave and sit and wallow. Not very productive, but the depressive mind can play that type of game with you.

So, my depressive mind had the directive to get home and wallow. I followed the wallow playbook – Netflix, fast food, and fatigue on the couch, down to a tee. I put on a Richard Pryor documentary and started getting as distracted as possible (hello phone). I assumed I would get into a food coma and put my head down and eventually, move over to my bed and another day.

Luckily, as I finished the documentary, I saw my to-do list (always good to have one lying around) and decided to do one thing.

[bctt tweet=”I find external factors are like musical notes, if played in a random order, they come off as noise. “]

Since I had a to-do list ready to go, I suddenly had purpose. Cutting off all stimulation gave me time to focus (goodbye phone). As I started taking things off my list, I got ideas, which then made me happier. Those ideas turned into quick wins that got the ball moving forward.

By feeling useful, I changed the “music” in my head, and got another reminder that the internal engine moves by action and purpose. We decide our worth, not anyone else.

Tags growth, music, worth

Blog Post

Growth Process

If I have learned nothing else in comedy, I have learned that I have to learn how to embrace failure. I didn’t get into the Laughing Devil Devil Cup festival, and for that I was a little upset. It didn’t bug me as much as things used to though. I still have an audition at the club, I still have a chance to prove myself to be on the normal roster.

I am slowly realizing what comedy is, and I think all art is like this as well. You start off with 99 no’s to 1 yes. As you get better, the scale starts to tip the other way. Soon it is 2 yes’ then 4, then 8 and soon it flips over. You gain the confidence along the way, and build the stories of someone who has been through the war.

I have been trying to groom myself to have a growth mindset. It would help a lot with that process, because I need to make the most of my opportunities. Every day I work is another day I get to turning one of those no’s into a yes. Every failure is another step to success.

I was groomed in life to have the opposite mindset, a fixed mindset. I think most people are. Basically, a fixed mindset doesn’t see the yes growing from the no’s, but as a fixed thing. A yes is a yes and a no is a no. This leads to grudges, and it shakes your confidence. 99 no’s becomes a huge wall in front of you. 99 nos makes you thing that doing any of this is impossible, pack your shit and go back home, or stick to your day job.

I feel like in a few years, each of these no’s will turn over, and I will be able to look back to see that there is positive motion in my career. I want to build, so I hope that my state of mind can go positive as well. Growth not fixed.

New roommate coming into my apartment. He is someone I mentored in college, and with him living here, it will be three guys living in a 3 bedroom. I think this will work, because it is temporary, it helps me out in the money department( I need to temper my spending habits a little more) and he is a good guy, who wants to make everything work.

I hope he does. He is arriving today to get a feel of the territory, get used to the train system, and figure out what he needs to survive when he is up here. If he makes it a permanent move, I will look for an apartment for all three of us to have our space.

If that day comes, it will be weird to move out of this place. This is my first apartment in the city, and living here has taught me a lot about being self sufficient. But I think I am thinking too far. Lets just see if the kid makes it first.

Warren Buffet 500 pages a day has stuck in my mind continuously. 500 pages is a ton of information, and when I tell other people this, they automatically dismiss it.

I have heard everything from “He has an assistant reading” to “It must be nice to be able to do nothing”. This makes me want to persue it as a habit more. The commitment to acquiring knowledge is a difficult one because most of us are scared to find the chips in our mental armor.

Getting more information scares us because it puts our sacred cows in danger. We may have to turn our back on things we knew were true. To be honest, it has slowed me down a little bit. It is an odd exercise to pick up, just to read and try to do 500 pages a day. Even so, it is compound interest. You do learn a little bit more. It is work, but if I can figure it out, I think I will be that much better off to work on my own.

Pushups every morning. I am starting small. Just ten. I want to get better form, and do them slowly. I don’t know what it will get me, but I constantly think of Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins, starting his day with 100 push ups.

Fantasy character or not, it has come to light that physical exercise makes you smarter. I want to be able to think faster, write faster, and read faster, so I guess the secret is integrate workouts faster.

Old Mixtapes have interested me lately. I am listening to Detroit by Big Sean. For the most part, since my generation has the ability to generate new material so fast, we give things 2 or 3 listens and move on.

There is a lot of joy in some of these older recordings. It goes along with my process this year of simplifying and taking in art as a whole. There are lessons to be received in them if you just listen.

*They told me no and I reversed it I’m on. *

Should have kept in Roy Hibbert. I think this will be a more interesting series though. Heat in 6, but the Pacers are not going to go out without a fight.

Tags comedy, Habit, music, sports, tests

Blog Post

Apprehensive Old Glory

I feel apprehensive.

The first thing is first – and that is have a few sips of water, and start to write this blog.

I am sitting here, typing with a little bit of a hangover, and I have a big to-do list in front of me. Something I don’t really want to deal with, something I kind of want to ignore, something that I wish shrunk while sitting here typing this blog on a wonderful Sunday Morning.

But it isn’t. So I am breathing, trying to figure out the first thing to chop down, and then I realized, I just have to follow my system.
My boss told me the other day that I have this duality – one guy that is full of confidence, and another guy that has boundless self doubt. It is hard for either one to trust anything.

The system is working, because I have given myself a little bit of confidence, I am learning to just lay my self on something.

I realize things aren’t going to go away. For most of my life, I would just wait things out. My natural inclination is to hide from anything that means work that doesn’t align with my desires, even if it make me better as a person and a professional.

For example, getting a good video and sharing it with the world scares the living crap out of me, because I am scared to be judged by those who aren’t in the moment with me.

I don’t want to put up a professional website, because I don’t feel like it would ever be right. My perfectionism comes in and tries to put a hand on my shoulder, and with a high success rating, stops me from even starting stage one on my website.

Same with head shots, networking, and just all and all being around people. For a comedian, I hate to be judged. Even though I ask for the right to be, and I have the delusion that I will be right in all situations.

Its something I am trying to get over. But it is hard. And I find myself falling into my old tricks again. For example my to-do list is about 40 items long. Long enough for me to ignore. Long enough for the any.do app to gather dust and for me to just forget it, pick it up months later, and start anew.

What is going to stop me from doing it this time? Well, I am hoping for this blog. Writing things down increases accountability and if I have this thing to look back on, there is no way I can just will myself to forget it. It is here everyday, and it isn’t going anywhere.

The other habits I am trying to build force accountability into my day. Writing out that to-do list and then listing what I have done, along with pushing tasks around make sure that they just don’t disappear.

It forces me to be conscious of them. I am hoping through that they eventually become second nature – and I can record them like anyone records their name on a piece of paper.

I hope it works out well for me there. I am pursuing a better self. One day at a time.

Black Jesus is loud. He doesn’t know his range and never is on time.

I played my saxophone last night after watching someone on the train put his away. It was an odd moment, but watching that ritual made me want to play again.

It brought me back to music, what i used to enjoy, and work hard at learning. It turned my brain back on to something it had missed.

I ran through my scales as soon as I got home. I ad not picked up my sax in years, but it was like riding a bike. The notes were still there, and it still played true. My ritual of testing the reed, using cork grease, and tightening my ligature was there.

It brought me some sort of odd peace. I want to schedule lessons. I filed it under my someday catagory, and we will see where I am with it when some of the other habits shore up.

16/8 Done Yesterday
Water Missed (expaning this to 8 solid cups a day)
Todo Done
Wrapup done
3 Things Done.

Tags doubts, fear, Habit, music, saxophone