I used to think “reaching out” to my network with an e-mail bothered people.
At some point, I realized how happy I feel when I get a simple thank you note or an update on someone’s work.
Then I realized that I am robbing people of that opportunity when I don’t take time out of my schedule to keep people updated.
Then I also realized, by keeping people up to date, I give them an opportunity to keep me up to date with what they do.
Finally, I realized that I could connect people to my network. That meant that I wasn’t bothering anyone. In fact, I was doing the opposite; I helped them.
Take a moment this week and write a short email about what you’re up to. Send it to an old mentor, co-worker, boss, or friend.
If you can’t think of anyone, I’d love to read it – adam@theadamthomas.com :-).
Google Plus, a social media service, has a concept called “circles.”
In them, you place people of a certain quality. For example, your brother and sister go in the “family” circle. The people at your job go into a “job” circle. So on and so forth.
You give each circle a particular update, share particular things and give priority.
When it first was created, I thought it was a genius idea because that is how my mind worked, compartmentalize and keep people in their circle.
It’s a good way to sort. Not everyone needs to know everything.
With that said, if you notice a connection that can happen from one circle to another, try to connect them. Bringing someone relevant to you, with the eyes of an outsider, can lead to great breakthroughs in their own work.
My natural inclination was to stay away for social media
For most of my life, I thought social media apps were time sinks (or wastes of time), where when I engaged, I felt like I didn’t connect with my greatest moments. Even worse, the social media stuff was boring.
If you look at my Instagram before 2016, it’s horrific. There is a ton of emptiness, and the pictures that do exist are a horrible snap shot of my life. It is a mix of me trying “artistic” shots and wondering why the app existed – and then it becomes nothing.
If you looked at my other social media outlets, it’s more of the same. There is no consistency, there is no story. In fact, instead of me reaching out and trying to connect, most of my posts are me being someone I am not.
I don’t think Snapchat is for that. The value add that comes from Snapchat is impromptu connection.
It is connection, through the randomness of life. It is learning through doing. Snapchat wins for the content creator because it gives us a view on what you do, honestly, in bite sized chunks. The shortness of the snap, the chance that you might miss it, having double opt ins, all mean that you have to want the material, and you have to digest it.
This is the greatest move in gaining attention in the moment.
The best people I see using the service do so in a candid way. You put a piece of yourself out there, and it opens the door for honest conversation. It’s why when you answer a snap, you find the conversation going in a million places. You get more from adding and getting than you do from subtracting and synthesising.
So, if you want a service that builds on you talking about your day, about connecting with important work, about getting to know people, Snapchat is your deal. It is a place for real insight.
Find me there , @thehonorableAT, and be ready for a message. I love interacting, and talking back 🙂
[bctt tweet=”If there is a pang in your stomach now, its normal. “]
Ego is powerful. What makes it effective is it’s a silent killer.
Ego hides in the darkness, waiting to strike when it sees an opening. When it happens, little problems turn into big problems, finger-pointing escalates, and soon the drama is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
One way to get in front of ego, before it helps pull things to that critical level, is to put a light on it. An easy way to do that is to find out what those flaws are.
If there is a pang in your stomach now, its normal.
If I asked you what your top three flaws were, would you know them? Could you sit and tell me, with complete confidence that you aren’t good at _____ (communicating, giving praise, documenting, training etc)
If you don’t know what they are – then now is a great time to sit back and think about them. What are the three things that you’ve failed at in the past. Can you think of any patterns that emerge? Try to write them down.
Reach out to your closest circle and ask about your flaws. Our network, especially those who are closest to us, is key here to grab some honest feedback and find out opportunities for improvement. This makes the ego scream because it is most comfortable to keep a neutral to positive spin on things. It opens yourself to criticism.
[bctt tweet=”Ego is powerful. What makes it effective is it’s a silent killer.”]
But, the silent wins for this are enormous. One, your network will love you much more – being vulnerable to the ones closest to you makes you more trustworthy. Two, the art and skill of acquiring feedback is critical for becoming your best self. Three, understanding how you are perceived and what flaws exist allow you to plan around them.
This is a great exercise to do on a normal (quarterly) basis. You cannot plan for anything you aren’t aware of, and there is a ton of power in subtraction(removing/mitigating) – maybe more than addition .
In the beginning of 2015, I decided I would have a theme each month. For May, I chose networking, then changed it over to network. I decided to work with this theme because networking is hard for me. I compartmentalized and over think, so I spend a lot of time shelving worst case scenarios. I would spend more time doing that then getting to know the people around me. There were a lot of wasted opportunity for me and other people, all because I didn’t speak up or join in the conversation.
Over the last month I have made some solid gains in this area. By no means am I perfect, but I have grown. I have learned a lot about myself, and what I am capable of.
Wins:
Networking List – I made a networking list, and through it I intend to restart some relationships I lost and connect other people to opportunities. It was surprising. I didn’t realize how long I had let some things lapse.
Commenting – I commented on most articles I saw this month, and it made me get better at making a concise point. I got the opportunity to help people, and I helped myself. My theme for next month comes through commenting.
Tech MBA – Through reaching out, I got the opportunity to put some energy behind a new challenge – getting an MBA. I added a practice to my routine (GMAT Practice) which kick started some areas in my brain.
Losses:
Hesitation – I missed many goals I planned for specific weeks. I started running into resistance, and it sucks. Going forward, I am going to start recognizing the changes that happened once I made these changes, and try to just get started
Organization – My organization gains slipped this month. I am not where I was before April, but this lets me know that I need to watch this.
Reading – My reading slowed down a lot this month. I had to change some things around and that was the first thing to go. I have to make some changes here.
I have a stronger network now than I did at the start of the month so I can count this month as a success. I also realize that these themes get me on a baseline. Through this baseline I can start the process to improve.
On it, put every single contact that is important to you. Family, friends, business associates have a place there. Business cards are a wonderful resource. Put them to work to fill in most of the gaps.
If you don’t like to mix business with pleasure, separate the list, but get them all there. The insights that you gain are more than worth the trouble. I learned about my contact list and about myself through the exercise. This exercise recommended for those who are willing to put the time in and aren’t faint of heart. It is going to suck, but breathe and you will get through it.
Here are my insights:
I don’t follow-up. When I put a column in for last contact date, I realized that although I had some great conversations going, I lost out on keeping up with some outstanding people. This is hard to swallow, but it does give me a baseline to keep up with
People have some great interests. When you do your research on their social media (I chose twitter, anything else can do as well) you recognize that people are doing some great work. It is a great barometer to see if you are meeting people at the right places.
I need to go to more places. I have a column for where I met, and I noticed that I have been to one place where my contacts come from. It is a great resource, but it lets me know I need to go more places. Exploring the world is wonderful, time to get out more. I have a column that I just added (THANKS TYI) where I ask if I would like to get coffee with someone, regardless of the business prospects. That helps cut down my list with people to chat with. I do want to keep some people I wouldn’t want to have coffee with as well. Baselines!
It was a little harsh, but an awakening. I have to get to it and build my network even further. The tough part will be finding a way to make sure that this is the worst it looks going forward.
That question ferociously pounds the back of my head the minute I start to create any type of output. I hear it whispered in the back of the ear when I start typing.I don’t want to bother. I have something to say but I get worried when I hit the save and publish button. The tides are turning, whoever is reading this is one post away from hating my guts… I just know it.
To salve this, I remember that while people matter, ultimately being quiet, fitting in, not having a voice leaves me in a worse place. When I don’t express myself and I question the world, I quickly realize that I haven’t done anything to change it. I spent a lot of my life being out of the game, judging from the stands. I recently realized that it isn’t a place to grow, and for a high value person, the motto is grow or die.
“You are doing too much – they are going to block you!”
This charming sentence takes a spot in my mind when I send the work that I make out to people, especially if it is direct. If I have ever sent you an email, I heard this before I sent it to you. As ridiculous as it sounds when I read that sentence out loud, it sounds that much more convincing when it rattles inside the echo chambers in my head.
To salve this I remember that email as a one way communication. I can choose email as a two-way if I like, and if I do that, I have to make sure that what I send is an absolute value add to the person I send it to. The best way for me to feel better about email is to get away from the transactional approach I learned with, and to a simpler place where I am getting generous.
Sitting in acting class, I heard there was a party that the class had and I wasn’t invited. I am dealing with a cold and this didn’t help my mood much. I then got caught chewing gum, and for the next 30 minutes, I had this idea that the entire class hated me and the teacher didn’t think I could do anything right. Luckily, I was able to stop myself and cobble together some of the circumstances around me. Why did this happen?
1) When have I extended my hand out to the people who hosted the party?
2) I had left class early last time so I more than likely missed the invite if there was one.
3) Chewing Gum was against class rules. Didn’t add to what was happening.
I became happy that I stopped myself, but I realized my brain – kinda sucks.
Based on my current programming, I automatically start to judge and create circumstances on the world around me. These circumstances vary, and usually come from a bad place. I default on rejection, and assume that people have so much going on, that whatever I have isn’t worth discussing. After a few bouts of negative self talk I talk myself out of creating a connection. I then rationalize what happened and then go about my business, usually trying to grab another drink or losing myself into some email or text. I am programmed to believe in the worst of people and situations. My brain sucks, it is the number one obstacle in creating connections with people.
With this being a theme this month, I have been able to take some of that cognitive energy that I have for making excuses and do a few tests on those assumptions. After those few tests, which meant I had to go talk to people, and during one of the breaks I talked to some people in the class, I found out that none of them are true. I fill in the blanks way to often.
The good news is that this is easily fixable. I have to figure out how to stop filling in the blanks, and a piece of that is recognizing I don’t know anything.
I looked at the Conspire dashboard in front of me. My stomach dropped.I didn’t know what to do, even with all this power at my fingertips.
Conspire is a tool that allows you to understand your network by gathering the connections that people have to each other. It in turn shows you the relationships you have with each of those people, and the relationship they have with the people around them. This can then be used to connect to people you can deliver value to, or help you connect other people to other people to help partnerships. This is a great tool to understand your network.
Conspire also takes a look at your email and gives you stats, such as open and response rate. You can get to know about yourself when you look at the numbers. My response rate shocked me – and I instantly recognized it may mean I subscribe to too many newsletters. It allows you to measure just how effective you are at email.
Information is powerful. Anything that is powerful, can cripple you. My fear came from a complete lack of preparation. I had all of this available and I didn’t have a goal or a list of people at hand. It reminded me that tools don’t solve anything, but only give you another avenue to get to your solution.
I am going to spend some time this week coming up with a list of people I want to connect with. Also, I am going to spend some time figuring out my connection to those people, and how to give value. I don’t want to be a leech.I want to know and be valuable to the people on that list, as well as everyone connected to it. We all can bring something to the table.
I shall call it the “HERO LIST”, because if it isn’t campy and fun, why do it? =)
Sometimes you recognize you need to re-frame something that you started on. I made a mistake with the months theme. I went with Networking, a rather simple idea, instead of trying something bolder, and more interesting.
Networking isn’t evil. I should say that before I say anything else. Even with that said, I don’t think that is what need to focus on. It is a small piece of what I want to do.
Words do matter, and create a narrative all on their own. The narrative that networking has isn’t a real popular one. For most people, it brings up images of the guy in the blazer, schmoozing around in parties, making people uncomfortable with picking out what is valuable about them and eschewing the rest.
That was never my intent with the word networking, but that is what I see sometimes when I hear the word, so I can imagine that is what most people see as well. We can’t remove the past, the experiences that we have and as such, we can’t really change the narrative that things have without a lot of work. I am unwilling to do that work, and I think with a small tinker I can create a better internal narrative.
Small changes have big results. I am a big believer in that. So, the change I want to make is changing the theme of the month from networking to network.
That’s all. Really small change, removing three letters.
SO, why the change from networking over to network? Network has a completely different feel to it. It means connecting with people – learning with people. Network lets me know about a persons story. I get to help people. I get to grow by serving. Most importantly, network feels like something organic.
Changing words can change perception of intent, and that’s what I want to do.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 