Tag: no

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Sharpen Your Sword; It Doesn’t Need Another Guard

Take away things when you can.

A sword becomes sharper by removing the imperfections, not by adding features. Once a sword is out of the “factory,” you spend your time sharpening it, not adding an additional scabbard.

How do you make a sword sharper? You remove the imperfections.

Remember, nothing is free. When you add, you pay.

Often, there is an urge to “do more,” or deal with its sibling “don’t miss.”

You make an impact magnitudes faster by removing instead of adding. 

What is more effective in the field: a sharp sword or a pretty one.

Which would you rather be?

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Swinging Pendulums and Our Emotional Volitility

Pendulum pushes and pulls.

Yesterday’s newsletter (sign up, won’t you?) talked about the pendulum, and why it’s an important visual tool to describe volatility with decisions.

We base our emotions on getting the “yes” and depending on how excited the decision makes us, that determines how strong we will “push.”

The decision on how hard to “push” comes from our emotions and our excitement towards them. If I am happy or sad based on a decision then I “push” it.

After the push, there are aftershocks (the swings after the initial push). The pendulum cannot “rest” until it’s out of energy.

So, the “yes” or “no” still has some power after that first push. This is important because they – the aftershocks – advertently or inadvertently affect our other pendulums (other “yes” or “no” decisions).

In short, our decisions are powerful and have lasting effects. They go beyond the moment we make them. 

We are not islands, and pretending does us no good.

 

 

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Not Doing It – Stop Adding New

No, we don’t need anything but you.

“Would it be cool if we…”
“How about if we add…”
“We don’t want to miss…”

The answer: no.

You don’t need more of anything with the projects you have. I saw a lot of this when coaching at altMBA, especially early in the program. Students would wonder about “what else” instead of what was there. As a result, the project lacked power. Instead of focus, they went for features.

A notice: If you are reading this, you more than likely have enough tools and your brand/tool/product has enough “features.”

So, that new thing isn’t a need. It’s a way to distract you from what matters.

What matters is doing the hard work of getting the most out of the ideas you have.

It means dealing with the “I don’t know what to do!”

Building the endurance to sit in the tough part and see instead of searching for new is a valuable skill. One of the beautiful things about altMBA is that it teaches you to recognize fear. It takes a lot of shipping to dance with it with reckless abandon, but the first step is recognizing it.

We all look for the juicer when life hands us lemons because that is the only way we get to make lemonade.

Be the juicer.

Note: I am a former student and coach of altMBA.

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The Garlic Problem, Part 2

Our emotions play a role.

Yesterday I laid out the Garlic Problem, or what our options are when we smell of garlic.

There were rational options, and then there was running away  as fast as we could.

You say:

  • “I would never run away from the table.”
  • “I would know they don’t want me gone.”

The example yesterday sounds ridiculous, but it’s a game that we play every day. Our fight or flight instincts always have a say in everything we do.

So what are we supposed to do here, ignore it?

No. I have bad news, every time you just ignore the game, you accumulate emotional debt. (emotional debt is the after effect of an emotion.)  You ever watch someone scream at a printer? That’s emotional debt trying to collect.

We have to reconcile the idea of emotions matter, and they exist. We can’t ignore them, that leads to other problems. We have to connect with them, listen, and then understand that we can say “no.”

Then you can wash your hands, and get back to the conversation.

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The Garlic Problem

We Aren’t Logical, So Prepare For It

When you eat garlic, the smell gets on your hands, around your mouth, and on your breath. People notice, but mostly, you care. Should you do something?

Options:

  • Do nothing.
  • You can excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, wash your hands, and pop in a stick of gum.
  • You could either register this change as the start of a catastrophe and run away from the dinner.

While we sit here and read this, the first two options seem reasonable. With no skin in the game, you recognize the best choice is the second, but you could live with the first.

The last choice seems insane. In life, when you add emotion, it isn’t that simple.

You can feel the slight change of disposition in the room.  And in our worst moments, it can cause us to lose perspective.

When the pressure is on, the third option becomes much more reasonable in our heads.

Tomorrow – I’ll talk about why this is important.

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Know Your “No” with a Not-to-Do List

I love checklists.

How easy is it to follow through when you don’t have to use any mental overhead to remember?

That’s why I love checklists. They eliminate “mental overhead” (energy spent maintaining your head space) by giving you a place to hold information in a static way.

This is important because our brain isn’t a computer, and things slip through the cracks. The list we hold in our head is dynamic because we are. Writing them down keeps them static. (Things being static isn’t always a bad thing…) 

Knowing that, have you thought about having a list that you say “no” to?

The concept exists, and it’s called a “not-to-do list.”

The idea is simple: write down the things you don’t do. Keep it around to remind you to save yourself from the “mental overhead.” This way, you will hold yourself accountable to this way of doing things so it becomes native to you.

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Stop Them at the Ask

You can’t just say “no” to everyone.

It’s hard to say no to certain people. They usually come with titles such as “manager,” “CEO,” or “mom.”

As Bob Dylan sang, “We all have to serve somebody.” And the dynamics at play won’t allow an outright “no.”

That being said, these people want the best for you because it is in their best interest. Your success helps them look good and meet their goals. To work at your best, you have to say “no” to some things.

But, you are in the odd place of not being able to say “no” directly.

How can you navigate that?

I have an exercise that can help with this conundrum.

Exercise:

The plan is to ask to rank their needs and with that, get the prioritization to get the “no” you are looking for in any environment where you have to deal with an authoritative structure (i.e. the office)

  • When the “ask” happens, return the favor by asking a few questions:
    • What is the priority, on a 1 -10 basis?
    • When do you need this by?
    • What resources are available for this?
  • Say what you need to get her (the boss) away, and have an email ready that asks those questions again, along with a list of your current projects.
  • Ask where you want her to slot that new ask, and if any of this is can come off your “plate.”

 This exercise “stops them as they ask,” giving people the opportunity to redirect energy and remind them of what is important (something we all could use) at the same time.  It saves your energy so you can focus on what matters.

Win-win. 

 

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A Picture That is More Real

Hearing “no” isn’t the end of the world.

It just feels that way sometimes.

Don’t blame yourself for feeling that way; we learn that “yes” is good and “no” is bad. The feeling is “normalized.” It is how we are taught and from that, how we see the world.

But, let’s take a moment and reframe that feeling. What if “no” was a decision instead of an emotional wall we had to get over?

When you heard it, it became a data point where you could choose to go deep into a subject and understand the context of the “no” just as much as the joy of a “yes.”

It takes some energy, but you come out with a more accurate picture of the world.

 

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Wasting Energy with a “Long No”

When you push things off, you create a “long no.”

What is a long no? Instead of being upfront and saying “no,” (short) you delay the inevitable by using half answers or “maybe,” (long).

Say you want to find a gym, and you have a buddy that wants to refer you to his favorite one. You know the gym is out of the way for you and doesn’t have a heavy bag (you want to work out some frustration!). Instead of saying no, “This gym doesn’t suit me,” you tell him “Let me get back to you” or “I’ll keep it in mind.”

And now you deal with that decision until he forgets or you can tell him you found it (or lie about it).

It’s wasted energy.

A short “no” short circuits al of that and allows either party to reframe into something that matters.

He might know something that fits your specifications if you ask.

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Service,Not Self

“No” isn’t a personal attack.

Language is very powerful.

When you hear “no,” you often perceive that someone doesn’t want you, when what he or she actually doesn’t want is your service or the service that you’re currently selling.

It is an example of the power of language. Switching one word out changes how you accept and deal with “no.”

Don’t make the mistake of taking it personally, but when you do, remind yourself of the switch perception.

Service. Not self.

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