Tag: no

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The “Maybe” Trap

Don’t hedge with this

Maybe is an incredible word, except when you use it to hide.

You know what I’m talking about.

Here is an example:

Sitting at a networking function, you’re at the table with someone charming, but talking about something that you have zero interest in. She turns to you and asks about hopping on the phone next week. You reply “maybe” and a  conversation that should end doesn’t.

Now both you and she spend time in a conversation that didn’t have to happen.

In that context, the speaker used the word “maybe” to hide a “no,” which tends to have unintended consequences.

  • You’ve wasted personal time, as well as someone else’s.
  • You’re spending energy trying to “manifest” a “no” down the line.
  • The relationship you developed at dinner could work for someone else you know. Now that’s out because of the results in the two previous bullets.

 

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A Word For Freedom -“No” – June 2016

I feel guilty when I use it.

But after I get over that, I recognize that I decided.

  • I decided to give more time back to the projects I feel are important.
  • I decided to spend more time with myself.
  • I decided to enjoy the company of friends.

All three of those things aren’t shameful, and yet, when we use the word “no” we end up feeling that way.

I know that boundaries are important, attention improves your ability to appreciate, and decision-making is the difference between designing your life and letting your life design you. 

“No” is a word that helps you do all three of those things. It’s why I want to explore “no”, how it works, how I feel when I use it, and tactics that help me say it more.

This month’s theme ties into abstinence

At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

To say no is to abstain.  I find myself over-committing, and I realize that I can’t make the most of the opportunity I am given. This affects everything in my life, so I recognize that if I get better at saying no, then I get better at giving value to the world around me.

Reread candidate

The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness
by James Altucher – This book was tremendous the first time I read it. I am curious what I will see if a focus on the word no.

Assumptions

  • I don’t like saying “no” because of potentially failing someone.
  • I don’t like hearing “no” because I frame it as a personal attack.
  • Defaulting to “no” will increase my time to focus, which will improve my attention and decision-making.

 

 

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The Word That Will Make You Better

Say “no” out loud.

Short, simple, powerful.

If you want impact in this world, you have to get used to saying it.

“Yes,” while sounding sweet, limits your ability to put your energy into projects that matter.

Time is the only thing we have. Our impact on people or our work relates to time shared or the amount of time we decide to share with the work.  Each “yes” takes away from that.

While it’s important to put work in the world, to get better at it, you have to give your work the attention. That’s how you have an impact.

How do you want people to remember you?

Hurried and “busy” (yes)

Impactful and powerful (no)

Make it a point to say yes to Kate Harvie’s new website today! She is a terrific writer. Go!

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Maximum Engagement, A Checklist

Time is short, I like checklists

We all have 24 hours in a day.

How does one maximize engagement and get purposeful?

There are plenty of ways to do it, but I promised shorter posts :-).

I’ll focus on what you can’t do.

You can’t do it if:

  • You have distractions
    • Turn your notifications off
    • Don’t check email
    • Single task
  • You have too many things
    • Say no ruthlessly
    • Time is the only resource
    • Prioritize
  • You don’t take care of yourself
    • Stop eating junk
    • Exercise
    • Sleep
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No Is Powerful, So Figure Out The Balance

Go Get It?

 

When I grew up, my parents instilled a sense of need in me. I had to “go get it”, find opportunity, any opportunity, and say yes to it. Keep what you have, give what you can spare, and make sure before you walk, the way is firm before you go.

It is wise advice in the world they grew up in, especially as Black Americans.  No is a word saved for yourself. Spare it for the worse of the worst. Yes is a word that gets you far.

But that “no” word is just as powerful

No is the s**t

No is a very powerful word.

It’s power lies in the way it denies.

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

― Steve Jobs

I can’t say it better than Steve Jobs there.  While yes is the word that lets us go and attempt the world breaking things around us, saying yes too much doesn’t give us the chance to focus.

No is the word that allows us that focus.. It allows us to be proactive. It gives us the energy to make the impossible possible. It  to the email that just came in means I can spend time on this blog post.

No to the last text means I can shoot this video. Denying that Facebook fight (bad conflict) means that I get the chance to get to the next great idea that will push my idea further.

So why avoid it

“No” means that you have to decide. Decisions are hard. “Yes” generally makes people happy, allows you to kick the can, and not think about things fully.

When you have to create priority, that’s when life gets tricky, because you could end up picking the wrong thing. People use that as ammo against others. Its awful, but it happens.

But that’s the price of ingenuity. It takes being uncomfortable to get there.

The next time you find yourself saying yes all the time, ask yourself these questions:

  • What am I afraid of?
  • What really happens when I say no?
  • Is it worth cutting off the other things I have on my plate?

 

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