Got the AC on. My apartment feels like an apartment should feel. After a day of sitting around in a sweat-box, I feel like we have some central air going. I don’t think I am going to turn it off either. I want it constantly cold in here so I don’t ever have to wait.
I tell myself that every summer, and I wonder why I hardly ever follow it. There has got to be something there, why I always turn off the AC, anytime I feel like it is getting even slightly chilly. Honestly, if I just suffered for a little bit, I won’t have to worry about much after that.
I have the next 6 days off. This should be fun, considering I did all of my errands Monday and Tuesday. I used to be able to just go somewhere, and try to hang around friends, but lately, I don’t feel like doing that. I feel like working on my comedy career, doing a few creative things, and focusing on making these habits stick.
6 Days alone, with no one telling me I need to go anywhere, feels like the perfect opportunity to get stuck in my habits, so when work begins later next week, I can just follow through, and use less brain power as a whole getting anything done.
Are you improving? Today I read a post on The Mistake Bank that asked that very question. I constantly get lost in other metrics, in everything I do. Its easy to ask yourself, what did _____ get, and how did he get that.
Logically, I know that is the quickest way to bad emotion. What I mean by bad emotion, is unjust depression. Jealousy fuels you into making mistakes. I don’t need to make any mistakes when it comes to anything, whether it be comedy, design, or writing. If I only focus on my own metrics – just getting myself better, making the race about me, I feel like I could get a lot farther.
Truth is though, that is a lot harder than it sounds. People push thier success around and my depression makes it a lot easier to listen to, and to feel defended by. I think one of the main things i want to work on this year, besides habits, is to build a relationship with my depression, in order to help mitigate those feelings.
I want to be focused on me, and I think that means guiding my depression into another direction.
Going to make some comedy stops today. I figure with the time off, I can make some connections, shake some hands and kiss some babies. I want to audition at a bunch of clubs before the end of the summer, and this campaign helps.
I really want to get into some of the more, shall we say, obscure comedy clubs in the city. A lot of people want to get in at the Comic Strip, and Stand Up NY, but I would like to see if I can get into the rotation at places like Tribeca Comedy, LOL, HA, and Laughing Devil.
I want to build some more confidence in my material, and get used to working longer sets when I can. I also want to get into more bar show rotations, and get some of my skill up that way. I think that is the way to get me going, and to improve the fastest.
Those clubs make me nervous, but I have to realize, that I have to start getting myself out there, and a no just means come back in a few months. I have to start taking more chances, and I need to actually get out there to start taking them. If I can, there is a lot more stage time in my future.
Get that stage time.
Deciding on output is the hardest thing to do. I want to make the best move in terms of getting something out there, but I have to say that in doing that, I am freezing myself out of making any real potential progress.
I have this fear, that people will laugh, just by speaking up. Logically, I know going through this will only make me stronger, speaking out, asking dumb questions, and getting the ideas to work again next time. Getting a hundred thumbs down is bad, but at least you have a bar to begin with.
Logically I know that. Emotionally, I don’t. I keep myself shielded from failure because I don’t want to experience someone calling me stupid, or telling me that you can never try again.
In the modern world, that just doesn’t make sense anymore, because there are a million venues to try, and a million ways to get what you want. The road always goes somewhere. Just have to make that work.
New 99u Book is out. I plan on reading it, and reading it a lot. Hopefully that can be done by the end of this weekend.
Done: 3 Things Wrap Up Push Ups
Not Done: Meditation To-do 16/8 Water Thank You Vegetable Juice CPAP
From the desk of Adam Thomas 