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We Are Vessels – Lessons About Mastery = Subtraction From September 2017

Time and Space Are Limited

I deleted all my tweets on the first of the month.

Shortly after, I turned on Freedom and started a social media / new input fast.

As this month continued, and I didn’t spend as much time on social, I realized a few things:

  • Our days, while seemingly “packed” are often that way because we are always reacting
  • Changing our habits come with a cost.
  • Removing one thing tends to make something else take its place.

I want to focus on the last learning with this post because it is something I didn’t foresee.

When I removed my social and laid that stake in the ground, almost every one of my habits felt some consequence.

  • My gym habit increased – now I go four times a week
  • My junk food intake increased because social media is an anxiety panacea
  • YouTube. I’ve watched a lot more YouTube lately. Don’t know where to place this.

It was a reminder that we are all walking around the world functioning as a system. We don’t know the consequences of changing.

Next time, when cutting something major out, it makes sense to have new habits ready to go. That energy has to go somewhere. I better be intentional dealing with it.

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You Take You With You – Lessons About Self Destructive Talk From August 2017

Self Destructive Talk is real

I’ve heard the saying “everywhere you go you take ‘you’ with you.”

The truth in that saying is pretty clear.

It is interesting that I came into this month in a depressive funk, even before I knew what the theme was. It speaks to the nature of how self-talk can come out of nowhere and take over our decision-making if we let it.

There are a ton of ways it can do that, like having us make arguments in our heads which sap our energy with no payoff.

It can tell you to “vent” and strengthen those neural pathways to make remembering our pain easier.

Even worse, we can pretend it doesn’t exist, which charges the feelings until they explode.

So what do we do?

  • The first thing is to face the fear. Take time to investigate the where that self-destructive talk lives.
  • We then seek allies, like our friends and family, to show our fears and how it affects us. Note, this is different from venting which focuses on the actions of others. This activity focuses on ourselves and our fears.
  • Then, keeping a regular self-rejuvenating practice, like meditation or therapy to help regulate.

Finally, understand that the talk is a part of us.  It is a warning signal that things are changing.

Don’t run away from it.

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What I Learned July 2017 – One Goal is Hard

FOMO is Real

FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is hard to escape. Turning down opportunities goes against most of the conventional wisdom we hear. So, instead of saying “no” we start playing the “What if” game.

What if:

  • This new video goes viral
  • My new significant other is at this party
  • This coffee meeting changes everything

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Choosing one goal means saying “no” when all those thoughts are swirling in your mind. It’s saying “Most is Good Enough” for everything around you and just focusing.

This is hard when “this might not work, in” and you could lose.

The benefit of it, however, is the chance to learn. It understands the differences that only expose themselves when you decide to focus. Ultimately, this leads to you making things that matter, even if it isn’t something that matter at that moment.

Too many goals mean you drown not because of the weight of the goals but the lack of direction on where to go while you swim.

So pick one and go. Maybe your S/O is already there, anyway.

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What I Learned – June 2017 – “What Do You Want”

To get what we want

We have to think about it, first.

I think the biggest lesson from the month of June, for me, is that knowing what you want takes time. You have to make an effort to understand what you are getting into, what your personal “traps” are, and make sure you aren’t running away from something.

Just to make sure you are on the right path.

On the other side, you have to prepare the person you ask. Knowing what you want isn’t the only part of the “game,” you’ll have to know who you need to ask and, how they like hearing it as well as how you want to tell it.

When I was younger, I thought this was kissing ass, and now I recognize it as respect.

I had a mentor tell me once, “it doesn’t matter if you present filet mignon on a garbage can, all they see is the garbage can.” I can think of few things where that is truer than asking “what you want.”

It is a continuous struggle, and it still makes me sweat. However, I feel like I left this month more prepared to get what I “ask for.”

You won’t always win.

So, as I started this month, so shall I end it.

“What do you want?”

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What I Learned From “Keep Firing” May 2017

Momentum isn’t free.

The idea of “Keep Firing,” at the beginning of the month, reflected a passion for keeping going. Just strive. Show up.

At the beginning of the month, I wrote:

When I am “figuring out” something, it is usually the point where I am scared. The “resistance” (see the reread candidate) has me locked up.

Now, the minute I start “figuring,” I take a moment and turn it into “firing.”

Keep Firing, May 2017

I missed the entire middle. The middle between figuring and firing is the point.  It’s constant and continual.

It isn’t as simple as just “transferring energy.” It isn’t just a statement, a switch, or a movement. Our brains are a little more complicated than that, and as I mentioned before, the momentum has a cost.

That cost comes in the form of many things, represented by what Steve Pressfield calls, “The Resistance” and comes in many forms. Sometimes, I saw the resistance as some foreign threat, when it fact it isn’t. It’s our toll.  To”keep firing,” we have to pay it.

How do we pay?

Trying new things in small batches, making promises, identifying with our future self, those are good ways to refill the tank.

We don’t just do it once. Resistance comes again and again. We have to keep our tank refilled.

Then we can keep our momentum, and keep firing.

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You Lose if You Just Accept – Cargo Cult Science April 2017

Default to Questions

This month functioned as a reminder that we are creatures that exist in “bubbles.” As much as it is easy to laugh at the natives who put on coconut headphones, we are constantly doing the same with our superstitions and unconscious ritual.

Unless we take a moment to stand back and take in everything, we quickly succumb to the comfort of cargo cult science.

Yes, comfort.

In a complex world, it’s comfortable not to question anything, to just accept what our parents and institutions gave us. In fact, it’s even encouraged, as the system we grew up in gave us the blueprint in thinking that way.

Don’t believe me? If you don’t believe that you’ll get fired, play a loud bell in your office and see how many people get up, as if there is somewhere else to go, even if they stay in one place all day.

If we want to create systems that are impactful and honor our vision, we have to get used to challenging the things as they are. Don’t mistake that challenge as rebellion. If you decide to follow that road then you aren’t honoring yourself, you are accepting the thing you are rebelling against. Go in with curiosity, knowing that instead of getting the system, you’ll know how it works.

When you know how things work, you’re able to tinker and change to your tastes, and that is when things get fascinating.

So, get used to taking a step back and taking a look at the “big picture” while asking questions. Your growth depends on it.

 

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Did you know I send a newsletter out every Sunday? It is more personal than the blog, combining my personal stories with an overarching theme.  I also throw in some great links that I’ve found on the internet.

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Emotions are the Beginning of Depth– Lessons From March 2017

Set, and then reset your direction

The lesson suddenly snapped into place over a debate.  I watched a group of people, all well read, get lost in how they felt after swearing they were above it.

By pretending emotion didn’t exist, it owned them.

In that moment, life presented a lesson.

I suddenly realized:

  • Knowledge isn’t clean-cut. You are on the path of understanding when you realize how much you don’t know.
  • Stories matter. Emotion matter. The placebo effect is real and needs accounting.
  • Passion is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. If we run in by just our emotions we miss our chance at deeper understanding. We will “lawyer up.“

Emotions matter. It is the layer of our “knowledge center” that allows us to see things. With that said, to understand something deeper, we have to acknowledge those emotions. If we don’t, it is the gateway for our bias to own us. We are leaving our mental “kitchen” full of dirty dishes.

It is through acknowledgement that we get the opportunity to understand what we know on a deeper level.

Consider them on this journey we are on.

Books – My Goodreads Account

  • Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets
  • The Productivity Project: Accomplishing More by Managing Your Time, Attention, and Energy
  • SuperBetter: A Revolutionary Approach to Getting Stronger, Happier, Braver and More Resilient – Powered by the Science of Games
  • The Chomsky Reader
  • Execute
  • Uncommon Genius How Great Ideas Are Born

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I created a video blog that delivers these lessons in a visual medium. Curious? Subscribe above and get a notification as soon as they come out.

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Leadership is Service – What I Learned From December 2016

Leadership is a collision

At its core, you are telling someone to do something they might want to do to help you do something you think is more important.

It is a tricky, messy business.

As a leader, you are going first into the breech, and because of that, you have to get comfortable with chaos. Take some time to figure out the terrain, and build a “map” if you have to. Even if plans help you, knowing that they aren’t “reality” opens your curiosity.

You’re going to need it, because once you decide to lead, your actions are tracked. So, it’s best to get simple and show your work.

Don’t show too much, though. Always giving the answer is dangerous, both to yourself and your team.

Make sure you listen, and most importantly, realize you are going to miss.

Leadership is a collision, and you don’t get away scot-free.

Remember, though, it’s for them. Leadership is service. However, when it works, real magic happens and you and the team are often better for it.

 

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Did you know I send a newsletter out every Sunday? It is more personal than the blog, combining my personal stories with an overarching theme.  I also throw in some great links that I’ve found on the internet.

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Taste is the Key to a New World – Lessons From November 2016

A New World Exists Based on Taste

It comes through the work.

Good taste is hard to find because it’s hard to cultivate.

There is no way for you to get to where you are going without putting yourself out there, without being vulnerable and doing the work.

The biggest lesson for me unpacking this theme was how much all of it went back to doing the work. If you look at any master, they have their dojo, and they set up performances. You can talk all you want; remember that there is no substitute for being there.

It also isn’t free. You have to give to get. Some of the pain comes from showing your work, but if you don’t, you end up with more of a headache.

Your brain adjusts to seeing things with “taste” that you can’t see without doing the work.When it comes to paintings, artists see things that laypeople can’t see. Musicians hear music differently. Your superpower grows with you. It is unique to you –  There is no one “real” taste. We are all different.

The payoff, though, is tremendous. Ship.

Growing taste opens up a whole new world.

Books – My Goodreads Account

Newsletter – Subscribe Here

Did you know I send a newsletter out every Sunday? It is more personal than the blog, combining my personal stories with an overarching theme.  I also throw in some great links that I’ve found on the internet.

 

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Hiding is Tricky – Lessons From October 2016

Being in front is difficult, so we get used to hiding

If you aren’t hiding, you’re vulnerable.

When you make a mistake in the crowd, it’s simple to dismiss. If you do so out front, it’s magnified. We clearly see our flaws.

As a result, we hide. 

We tell ourselves it’s far easier to do nothing or work with no discretion. We dismiss our creativity in the name of perfection. We use it as an excuse to stop showing up.  Therefore we need to pay attention to what we need to show up every day.

We also see safety as a way to avoid the pain.

Except, by avoiding it, we stagnate ourselves and fill ourselves with regret, which brings us to the shame and guilt game.

You avoid that by showing up in the face of that potential pain, because it isn’t suffering, it’s a lesson.  Lessons aren’t free.

The lesson of this month, for me, is that hiding isn’t saving us from pain, it’s blocking us from growth. Internally we sense this, so we replace that feeling with regret.

Pain heals, disappointment stays.

Therefore, all the pain in the world isn’t worth an ounce of regret.

Don’t hide.

Books – My Goodreads Account

Newsletter – Subscribe Here

Did you know I send a newsletter out every Sunday? It is more personal than the blog, combining my personal stories with an overarching theme.  I also throw in some great links that I’ve found on the internet.

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